Embarrassed to admit it

I am confessing: I have been avoiding coming to the site and even reading the posts because I have so completely been eating and doing the WRONG things. I had told my husband that I was determined to not only maintain my weight during Christmas but also lose a few pounds. Well I failed miserably. It started Christmas Eve at my family Christmas party, not to bad, just had a little more than I should have and one peice of pumkin pie. From there it just got worse everyday. It seems like maybe I can't handle any little change from a strict eating schedule without completely losing control. I keep worrying that If I couldn't handle one holiday how the heck am I going to handle completely changing my whole life. That is the first time I have actually said that "outloud".  Did anyone else go through this sort of thing pre-op? My surgery date isn't set yet but should be somewhere in late Jan or early Feb. I really want this to change my life. I am excited about it. I know that it is a tool to help me accomplish my goals but the hard work is up to me. I guess I am just scared that if I can't handle Christmas without slipping into old patterns then what is going to happen after my surgery. Thanks for listening, I hate to be a downer, and I do really hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and is looking forward to a fantastic new year.

First of all - TAKE A DEEP BREATH! We all have control issues or we wouldn't have needed the surgery in the first place!  I carried MANY a holiday around on my ass and hips for years - got me all the way to 327 pounds! The surgery is the tool that you need to get yourself out of that cycle. You eat the pumpkin pie post op and YOU WILL GET SICK - dumping is something you will endure once and vow never to do again!

Hang in there sweetie - all these fears are normal! *hugs*

Liz

One good thing about this is that you recognize where some of your problems may lie so you can work on avoiding them now, before your surgery - chances are after surgery that pumpkin pie is going to make you sick as a dog - dumping is not fun. And totally losing control is going to be hard - I haven't been following my normal diet over the holidays and I'm feeling it, but I haven't been gorging myself, just not getting my proteins in and munching on way too many carbs. But that's over and now I'm back to tracking my food and getting those proteins in and already feeling better for it.

Most of us out here have food issues, which is why we're here in the first place. One of the key things is to recognize why you over-eat or eat the wrong things - mine is definitely stress - I've had family here for alnost a month in one form or another and I find myself snacking more than I ever should be - and feeling lousy for it. Family is gone now and so are the excuses.

You're going to be okay - realizing you have food issues is a good start, and now you can learn from that and know what you don't want to do post-op. We're all here for you whenever you need us. Don't ride and hide - that won't help anything - clear the air, clear your conscience and move move on.

Kathy

We all had moments like these.  These moments are what drove some of us to WLS in the first place.  And as hard as it is to admit - when you are struggling is THE time to be here on the boards for support.  Yes, we celebrate each others wows and all the fun things - but we need to be here to get us kicked in the arse once in awhile, or to listen when we've screwed up, or to get support through the not so easy times.  THOSE are the important things about support.

For me...I would do the same as you pre op.  However, post op there are a few things that come into play.  First and foremost for quite some time you dont' feel true hunger.  Head hunger, yea...and it can be brutal...but true hunger...not so much so you don't physically want to eat.

Secondly you are so focused on getting protein and fluids in, there's little room for anything else (again, early out)   AND you run the risk of getting sick if you eat the wrong foods, eat to much, eat to fast, eat and drink.   For the most part that fear helps you stay on program for at least a little while.  And then...if you do try something and get sick...I can promise you that food will not be on your "to do list" again for a very very long time if ever.  It is this early time of "struggling" with life style change and doing all the hard work that is sooooo important.  Once it becomes habit, it's easier to stick with.  So for the first I'd say 3 mos you spend every second analyzing everything that goes into your mouth.  And you continue that analyzation for a very very long time.  I still do it, at 14+ mos out.  You use those "tools", that knowledge, to keep you on track.

Will you be perfect?  Probably not.  And no one here that I am aware of is.  I know I sure as hell am not.  But the difference is I no longer look at a poor choice as "I ruined today....this week....this month...." whatever.  Instead I choose to look at it as a poor choice for THAT meal, that moment, that whatever.  And the next hour, the next meal, the next second is a chance to make better choices.

Pam

OK, you know what you did, that was yesterday and today is a new day!  You must look forward not in the past, as it is the past.  Once you have the surgery you will not be able to eat that pie and you know what, you will probably not even want it anyhow!  I am 3 months out and I will tell you there are things that I think I want and if I have a taste I don't  really want it anyway.  As was mentioned on one of the posts all  you need is one experience with dumping and I can tell you that will break the desire for whatever it was that you should not have eaten. It is not fun.  Now smile and learn from your stumble.  Today is a new day!

PS, I just love the folks at the Weight Loss Clinic!  They are all great and very helpful, i think you will like them!

Hugs,
Kate

Before I had my sugery I had the "omg this could be the last time i eat this" syndrome.  I would eat things just cause i thought i'd never have the chance to eat them again after surgery.  Luckily I never gained weight.  I just has a small weight loss when I ate too much.  You are going through what everyone goes through.  Don't beat yourself up over it.  At least you know what you are doing isnt the best thing.  Lots of overweight folks are in denial when they eat something they shouldnt.   Your eating habits are a life time long.  It's not going to get better over night.  Even after surgery I'm still trying to learn how to eat slowly.  I think I'm eating slow enough and chewing enough and wham something gets caught and comes back up.  I look at this entire process as a learning experience. 

Good luck sweetheart!

Diane

 
Wow. So much of this sounds so familiar.  I started my pre-op diet on 12/26 (yeah, the day after Xmas, so I could *enjoy it*) -- but that wasn't such a good thing.  I meant well, but some of that *last meal* mentality crept in as well as my bad habit of shoving food in my stomach if it wasn't absolutely *stuffed* at all times.  After Christmas eve lunch, dinner, and Christmas lunch and snacks -- I felt absolutely horrendous.  And really mad of myself for not controlling my eating.  

I knew better!  But, I couldn't control myself and at that point I really started to worry that I was going to absolutely fail at my pre-op daily diet of 800 calories of protein shakes and low calorie, low starch greens. But, some how, I got on the plan for the most part.  Sticking to the protein shakes and greens, I've had a hard time getting barely to 700 calories. Now, I seem to be at the other extreme -- maybe too few calories. Several days into the diet and after a lot of walking (shopping with family and playing tourist in my hometown of San Antonio), I feel really cold, weak, and my leg muscles and joints hurt. I've lost ten pounds on my pre-op diet in the last week - which makes me feel that I am doing what I need to be doing.  But, I'm constantly at that *edge* of sneaking a fork-full of turkey or ham (which, I've done exactly twice and feel guilty about).  

The pre-op diet seems so unsustainable -- like all my previous dieting experiences -- but I know I just need to stay focused on getting to my Jan. 9th surgery.  So... I feel for you and your falling off off the bandwagon.  I guess it just goes to show us, before or after surgery, food's power of us will always be present.  Hopefully, as I've learned from the many generous people here, the WLS will provides the life-long tool I've been looking for.

Take care, roger