One WOW Moment and one not so wow...

Yesterday morning hubby and I went to breakfast w/my sister and b-i-l. While we're waiting to get seated I noticed an old neighbor of ours sitting in the restaurant, so I waved to him and he was looking right at me, but not acknowledging me. I nudged my husband and said 'hey, that's AJ' so my husband looks around and waves - then AJ realizes who we are. He came up to me and grabbed me and said OMG I didn't recognize you, you're so skinny!! Well, I'm definitely not skinny, but much smaller than the last time he saw me. He looked great, too - he had put on some weight but had lost about 60 lbs and is now doing triathalons, so it was great to see him and talk to him. That was my big WOW moment, and it felt good because I haven't had one in a while.

Then last night I had a not so wow moment when a friend of ours told me I'm 'no fun' anymore - anybody ever see the FRIENDS episode with 'Fun Bobby' - Monica's boyfriend who was only fun when he was drinking or drunk? Well, I guess that was me because this isn't the first time this person has said that to me, and it really hurts my feelings because he's never mentioned my weight loss (oh, and by the way my ignorant brother in law hasn't said a word either - or my sister - but I digress) - but anyway, I guess now that I'm not pounding beers with this guy I'm just not fun anymore?

So what do you come back with to somebody who says that to you? I think I'm still fun and have a good time - no, I don't get rip-snorting drunk anymore and after 30 years of doing it I surely don't miss it, but apparently some of my friends do...

Congrats on such a great wow!!

And boo hiss to your BIL and sister for that matter.

As for the friend - tell him from what you've heard, being bed confined in a hospital bed due to medical conditions from obesity is even less fun than not drinking.

Pam

Congrats on your fantastic WOW!! It's so great when people don't recognize you. It makes the "I'm a whole new person" literal in a sense and it's yet another sign of success!!!

I really wonder where people's heads are at when they say things like that to a person who is supposed to be their friend. Really, it just sucks, plain and simple...Me personally and keep in mind that although I try my very best to be a very caring and supportive person on here with my friends, I have absolutely no tolerance for people saying things like that and I would have said "I'm still a load of fun, the only difference is that now I don't need to be loaded up on booze to have my fun. You'd be amazed at the great time you can have when you're not passed out over a bar stool. Maybe you should give it a try sometime"

I'm sure some people will think I'm being over the top and being way too mean but I'm sorry when it comes to putting other people down, I just have no tolerance for it. No one should ever be made to feel bad about themselves whether it be their weight, the car they drive, beers they can or can't drink...there is nothing that ever makes it ok to hurt another person's feelings.

Pay no mind to your friend. It seems he only knows one way to live his life. I'm sure you're just as much fun now as you were back then and don't let anyone make you feel differently.

Congratulations on a FABULOUS wow moment!  How lovely to have someone not recognize you!  Perhaps it's time to take a close look at your definition of friend?  I know that we all hurt others unintentionally from time to time but anyone who sees the "new" and healthy you should be rejoicing in that.  Not complaining that you're no "fun" because you won't drink anymore.  Your life, your body and your core are changing - your focused on loving life with a healthy body.  If that's not "fun" then perhaps he needs a new "friend?"  If sure is fun for me watching you post all your wows, your happy pictures and to hear about all the things that you can do now because you're healthier.  You're a FUN girl!

Keri

Having had some of those similar experiences, all I can say is GREAT job and the hell with those who can't get on board to at least say, job well done, you're looking good. . .  some people are jealous and then, too, I think others skeptical of us because they really don't believe in what we've done, either way, don't let anyone rob you of the joy in what you've accomplished and I'll bet you're even more fun than before. . .

Hugs, Laureen

We never get tired of the Wow's, but the not so Wow's seem to equally surprise and disappoint.  I have been especially close with my neighbors - vacationed together - spoke at his mom's funeral last January - etc.  This year they threw the typical Christmas Eve party and when I asked what I should bring, the response was - "why bother come at all - since you wont even have a glass of wine or a drink with us anymore." 

It wasnt nice and pretty hurtful, stayed in and actually their kids ended up coming to my house and I cooked for them and we played WII all night.  It was fun.  I have to keep reminding myself that on this journey - we will loose what we think are good friends - but we GAIN a whole bunch more real good friends.

Try not to let them get you down.

Kim Z

Congrats on your WOW moment.  I actually gave someone else a WOW moment before i joined this forum and right after I made the decision to have surgery.  I was at karaoke and this girl came over to me and said hi to me by name.  Well, I smiled and said hi so as not to hurt her feelings.  She looked familiar, but I just couldn't place her.  She said to me  don't you recognize me, Lisa? I was like sorry, but no.  She said it's me Callie! I can't believe you didn't recognize me.  Turns out it was my old neighbor who I used to play with like all the time growing up.  We went to school together forever and I even saw her a few years ago when I was out trick or treating with my daughter.  I had NO CLUE it was her.  She has lost over 130 pounds, I think.  That's a whole person.   She was like, yeah, I guess I did lose a few pounds since you saw me last.  A FEW?!?!  LOL!! She looks fantastic and when I told her I was planning on having it done, we got into a long conversation and she gave me lots of advice! Thanks Callie!! And, I'm glad I could give someone a WOW moment of their own.  Looking forward to mine!

Hi Kathy!

First off, what a wonderful WOW moment -- that must have felt SO incredible and really nice for you to be able to see AJ and get to talk to him. 

Next, about your 'not so wow' -- I am sure you are every bit as fun now (if not more) than you were then.  I agree with what many of the others have said and I think Valerie gave you some very helpful words to say back to these types of comments.  I don't think I would have much tolerance for it either.  If your friends miss you drinking with them you should remind them why they are your friends -- hopefully to be there for you no matter what and to support you through anything -- especially something as important as the way you choose to live your life after surgery. 

I know how hurtful comments can be (especially coming from our friends) and I hope you haven't let your friend's comment upset you too much.  You said yourself that you don't miss the drinking/getting drunk and your friends probably just want reassurance that they are in good company when they are drinking.  I'm sure you can do that without getting drunk and even without drinking at all if that's what you choose.  Once they realize that you are the same FUN Kathy, the comments will probably stop.  And if they don't, you may need to ask them why it is so important to them that you are drinking also.  

Lastly, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your new avatar!  Absolutely beautiful!!!  You look amazing Kathy!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Lisa :) 

Thanks, Lisa - its always so wonderful to hear from you! I was going thru my journal yesterday and came to the page where I journaled that you and Sr Jan came to see me at Barix and I smiled remembering how special you both made me feel that day!

I cropped my new avitar from a pic my sister took Xmas Eve of me holding my dog - that's on my profile. Of course I haven't been able to see it yet - this board has been very strange this week.

Happy New Year to you, too - and I see you're only 10 lbs away from goal?! That's FANTASTIC!! Loved the water skiing pictures, too - you look so happy - I know it had to feel wonderful!

Kathy