"That Surgery Really Works, Doesn't It?"
Trish - your post this morning has prompted me to share my 2008 Christmas memory with my own mother and how insensative and infuriating mothers can be!
My mother is an only child - and a typical only child selfish (me me me) personality. Its any wonder that she raised 4 kids who turned out semi normal. Anyway - although not a mean or spiteful soul - extremely selfish. As an adult, I made the decision to break that negative cycle and keep my distance, so for every holiday we travel abroad or spend with great friends or other family members. We only continue to visit occassionally because I really miss my father - so we see my parents every few years and its only for a very short period of time.
This was the year to see them and they had absolutly no idea that I had lost any weight. I was always the biggest in the family. When I came to the door - her response to me was - 'Oh I see you have lost some weight, I have lost a few pounds myself - you must have had that surgery.'
The next 20 minutes was spent on her telling me how the 'surgery' is a great thing for people like me because without it we couldnt really loose weight. I explained to her that I work very hard at my weight issue. I explained that I run every day, I go to the gym and weight train 5 - 6 times a week, that I eat small - spaced - nutritional meals and that I keep an eye on my nutrition and activity level overall. Her response every time was - thats nice but 'that surgery really works doesnt it'. Then would turn the conversation around and talk about how much her knees hurt or how easy it was for her to drop 5 pounds last month (she is the same weight as she was 3 years ago and for her whole life).
The 'best' of the 30 minute ordeal was when she asked me when I had the surgery. I said Dec 11th. Her response was 'this year ?' All I could muster up to her was 'Yes, just a couple of weeks ago, you have the surgery and wake up thin and fabulous - what a miracle!!' I then gathered the kids and bid our farewell. It's just not fair that some people have really great parents and some of us get the sh*theads for parents.
Thanks for letting me share - not letting this get me down - onward and upward!!
Kim Z
My mother is an only child - and a typical only child selfish (me me me) personality. Its any wonder that she raised 4 kids who turned out semi normal. Anyway - although not a mean or spiteful soul - extremely selfish. As an adult, I made the decision to break that negative cycle and keep my distance, so for every holiday we travel abroad or spend with great friends or other family members. We only continue to visit occassionally because I really miss my father - so we see my parents every few years and its only for a very short period of time.
This was the year to see them and they had absolutly no idea that I had lost any weight. I was always the biggest in the family. When I came to the door - her response to me was - 'Oh I see you have lost some weight, I have lost a few pounds myself - you must have had that surgery.'
The next 20 minutes was spent on her telling me how the 'surgery' is a great thing for people like me because without it we couldnt really loose weight. I explained to her that I work very hard at my weight issue. I explained that I run every day, I go to the gym and weight train 5 - 6 times a week, that I eat small - spaced - nutritional meals and that I keep an eye on my nutrition and activity level overall. Her response every time was - thats nice but 'that surgery really works doesnt it'. Then would turn the conversation around and talk about how much her knees hurt or how easy it was for her to drop 5 pounds last month (she is the same weight as she was 3 years ago and for her whole life).
The 'best' of the 30 minute ordeal was when she asked me when I had the surgery. I said Dec 11th. Her response was 'this year ?' All I could muster up to her was 'Yes, just a couple of weeks ago, you have the surgery and wake up thin and fabulous - what a miracle!!' I then gathered the kids and bid our farewell. It's just not fair that some people have really great parents and some of us get the sh*theads for parents.
Thanks for letting me share - not letting this get me down - onward and upward!!
Kim Z
Kim,
Your mother sounds like my mother in law...and I'm not just saying that as a spiteful traditional daughter in law type of attitude. Brian will attest to that fact. Shortly after I had my surgery my MIL became ill and had back surgery which affected the nerve pathways in her back which led to "intractable nausea and vomiting" I use quotes because most of the family has noticed that these vomiting episodes come maily when it is convenient for her. Anyway...she began losing a lot of weight. At one point I had been down about 70 pounds. She asked me how much I had lost and I told her 70 pounds. She had supposedly lost 75 at that point. 5 days later she asked me again how much I had lost...so I deliberately lied to her just hear her response...and told her 80 pounds (I had not lost 10 pounds in 5 days at that point, believe you me) Oddly enough...she was suddenly at 85 pounds and the "woe is me" story that followed. She's complained multiple times about all the weight she has lost (which, by the way, IS a significant amount and she IS "tiny" now...) and just recently gained 3 pounds which we were all happy about. But now she's complainng about gaining the 3 pounds. The woman is just not happy. And she is very self centered and me me me me.
We keep in touch due to my father in law who should be named a saint for dealing with the witch all these years.
You understand based on the descriptions of your actions that you will not change her and you do what you need to do to keep your family in the best state possible. And no, it's not fair some have wonderful and some have horrible parents....but if you are strong enough to keep what is important to you, then it's that lesson alone that makes it all worth while. Brian has commented many times "How did I turn out the way I did with her running my life?" And my answer is that from a very young age he needed to not only take care of himself, but also his mother so he got the determination, caring, and responsibility from it being forced upon him, whether he realized it or not at that time. So in a way - I am very thankful for her ridiculous attitude because it gave me the man I love. It's the only way I can justify her existence on some days.
Pam
Your mother sounds like my mother in law...and I'm not just saying that as a spiteful traditional daughter in law type of attitude. Brian will attest to that fact. Shortly after I had my surgery my MIL became ill and had back surgery which affected the nerve pathways in her back which led to "intractable nausea and vomiting" I use quotes because most of the family has noticed that these vomiting episodes come maily when it is convenient for her. Anyway...she began losing a lot of weight. At one point I had been down about 70 pounds. She asked me how much I had lost and I told her 70 pounds. She had supposedly lost 75 at that point. 5 days later she asked me again how much I had lost...so I deliberately lied to her just hear her response...and told her 80 pounds (I had not lost 10 pounds in 5 days at that point, believe you me) Oddly enough...she was suddenly at 85 pounds and the "woe is me" story that followed. She's complained multiple times about all the weight she has lost (which, by the way, IS a significant amount and she IS "tiny" now...) and just recently gained 3 pounds which we were all happy about. But now she's complainng about gaining the 3 pounds. The woman is just not happy. And she is very self centered and me me me me.
We keep in touch due to my father in law who should be named a saint for dealing with the witch all these years.
You understand based on the descriptions of your actions that you will not change her and you do what you need to do to keep your family in the best state possible. And no, it's not fair some have wonderful and some have horrible parents....but if you are strong enough to keep what is important to you, then it's that lesson alone that makes it all worth while. Brian has commented many times "How did I turn out the way I did with her running my life?" And my answer is that from a very young age he needed to not only take care of himself, but also his mother so he got the determination, caring, and responsibility from it being forced upon him, whether he realized it or not at that time. So in a way - I am very thankful for her ridiculous attitude because it gave me the man I love. It's the only way I can justify her existence on some days.
Pam
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Kind of sounds like my older sister. After I had the surgery she would ask me how much I lost . When I would tell her she would respond with " I lost X amount " " I can't believe I weigh so little" With her everything is a competition so I try not to indulge her. I have to say she has been sick. Is on dialysis twice a week is 14 years older than I am also. So in all honesty I am glad I have lost what I have ( a little disappointed that I have gained some) and I am also healthy . My family is happy and healthy and not in any trouble ( that I know about anyway).
So just tell your mom " I love you too mom"
and leave it at that.
So just tell your mom " I love you too mom"
and leave it at that.Sandy
Remember....... Click to Give .....Hunger, Breast Cancer, literacy, rain f orest, animal rescue and CHILD HEALTH
Thanks for the words of wisdom guys....I am getting better as the years go by with letting her upset me less and less. As I has alluded - its my father I miss the most - but he is getting on in years and being deaf - only 'hears' what she communicates to him. Since I live so far away - its not like I can pick up the phone to him and she filters the mail.
The positive that has come out of this is that - I recognize that I hail from that gene pool and am VERY careful not to fall into any of those personality traits.
Hope everyone is having a great holiday.
Kim Z
The positive that has come out of this is that - I recognize that I hail from that gene pool and am VERY careful not to fall into any of those personality traits.
Hope everyone is having a great holiday.
Kim Z
Unfortunately, we can't pick our parents...we just have to make sure we don't act like them when they are sh*theads! Which it sound like you turned out wonderful! You handled it wonderful!
And it reminds me of a friend of ours (mine and DH). He drove about 4 hrs to come see me at the hospital. I was soo surprised, and thinking how nice that was of him to do. But here I sit, having had my innards rearranged 48 hrs earlier, sipping on an oz of water (I hadn't had any food yet)!! And he sits in down in the chair and complains about how his knee has really been bothering him. WTH!!! And he complains about his knee off and on for the entire 5 hrs he was there visiting!!! Amazing, is all I could think!!
There are never any problems, only solutions. quoted by a dear and special friend!!!
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