Feeling Overwhelmed!!

Hello Everyone!!

I feel like I can not catch a breath these last few weeks and days leading up to Christmas!!  It has been a whirlwind....and while I sailed through Thanksgiving with no real issues in regard to these being my first holidays post op these last few weeks have been brutal!!  Cakes, candies, cookies, treats, dinners, luncheons...the list goes on and on. 

I think to myself ...gosh how I wish I could have been normal.  I wish I could have been that girl that could just have a "bite" of cake or just a taste of something decadent and be satisfied.  But I never could be it was always so hard to say no...now I look and see my gorgeous sister in law or my beautiful cousin just take those little bites and be done...and then there is me...I am like like Goliath...lumbering and huge and always wanting more.  I had to have RNY to control myself...and I do control myself every day....and don't get me wrong I love losing all this weight..of feeling unencumbered by my girth ...of being able to move and live and feel pain free...I LOVE IT ALL..

However, the emotional ties of the holidays...of being Italian and having big holiday get togethers always centered around food is well very very difficult for me right now to adjust to.  If I am not eating at these events...then what am I supposed to be doing???  When there are huge tables of sweets and goodies...I do walk away ..maybe I stare longingly for a moment..but I do walk away...food was my sole support for so long during these fun yet often stressful holidays that it is so hard for me to wrap my head around doing something else other than eating. 

So I am just rrying to deal with my first holiday season post op with losing my mind!!  I just never thought I would miss food like this and it worries me...who thinks about food like this?????? 

Thanks for letting me ramble!! I love you guys!

Laura

Hi Laura,

I totally understand where you are coming from.  I wonder how I'm going to do it some days.  If it weren't from my recent lap band fill I'm sure I'd be battleing the same issues.  Luckily if I eat the wrong thing the band brings it back up.  That is keeping me in check because I hate to puke!

I dont believe in depriving yourself. That just sets you up to fail when you finally have had enough of being good and then go eating everything in sight.   I have learned there are treats out there we can have and its as good as the bad for you stuff.   Right now my favorite treat is Sugar Free Dark Chocolate pudding.  It's as good as the stuff with sugar.  I honestly can't tell the difference.

I sometimes treat myself with sugar free creamsicles.   My biggest problem at this point is finding a safe subsitute for the salty snacks I've been craving.

Keep up the good work!

Diane

Thank you for the good advice and the snack ideas!!!  I appreciate it!!

Laura - I come from a big Irish and Italian family and everything we do is surrounded by food. I even put out those big spreads. Somteimes I do miss not being able to eat whatever I want - but then I remmeber that nothing tastes as good as being thinner and healthy feels!! I will have 1 bite of something if I feel that I can't live without it  and now it does satisfy me - mostly because I am so afraid of dumping! I do indulge in the carbs - it is one day - the holiday.

You will get through this and everything will be ok. REmember the holiday isn't about the food - concentrate on the family! The true reason for the season!!

Happy Holidays!

Liz

Liz-
You are so right about how good feeling healthy is....and I will try to concentrate on family and not on the food!!!  Thank you!!

I don't come from a big italian family, but I do come from a family of big eaters and all of our social events revolved around food - since its at my house this year I'm cooking and I think its great. My sister was (is) the 'cook' in the family - I do okay but I'm not very creative - however, I have found that there are many things that I can make now that are sugar-free or lo-fat or fat-free and serve to everyone and nobody even notices! So while helping myself I feel I'm helping others, too.

We're all strugging right now - my biggest struggle is exercise more than food and I have promised myself that even if I don't get it in over the next few days I will be jumping back on the bike and treadmill come Jan 1 - or actually Dec 30 when everyone leaves!

You're missing the food right now because you're thinking about it so much - try not to - try to concentrate on being with friends and family and graciously accepting every compliment you get on your new lovelier, healthier body!!

Friday night was our work holiday party and I haven't seen the spouses of my co-workers since last Christmas, and most are thin, lovely ladies. I made it a point to stand up and greet each one as they came in, and they were all so full of compliments and questions and I smiled a lot and thanked everyone and answered any question they had (they all knew about my surgery because I had told my co-workers). I graciously declined the butlered hors 'd oeuvres and when we sat down to dinner I had 3 bites of the tortellini appetizer, a couple of bites of the salad, and about 1/2 of a petite filet mignon. For dessert they sat a huge piece of bread pudding in front of me with egg nog sauce and I politely asked it to be wrapped to go. I'm finding that the less of a big deal I make out of my eating habits the more naturally I fit in with everyone else. So I got to taste and enjoy everything (except the bread pudding - I dump and its not worth it), I had a glass of wine and I had a wonderful, wonderful time - and trust me, feeling like I fit in with all of the 'thin' wives this year felt so much better than any of that food I could have put in my mouth - and I'm not as thin as them yet, but I will be next Christmas!!

So sorry for my rambling, but you'll get through this - take deep breaths and try to take 5 or 10 minutes each day just to yourself to relax and get your head wrapped around good eating and not worrying about what you're missing, but about how much you're enjoying the new you.

We're here for you 24/7 for support...hang in there...we'll all get thru this together.

Kathy

Kathy-
Great story!!  You are right--the less of a deal I make of it the better.  I will just be satisfied with what I eat and concentrate on the new healthy me and time with my family...I know it will all work out just fine!!!!  Thank you!!

Laura

Laura,

I remember vividly how last year as a very new post-op, the difficulty of that first holiday season, not knowing what I could even tolerate, never mind the fact that I, too, come from the Italian background. 

Thanksgiving was easy, I wasn't on full foods and I excused myself from all invitations as I just did not want to deal with the whole food thing.  

Christmas Eve and Christmas day were different and I did succumb to temptation and I felt like a "bad" girl, I indulged and felt the guilt and moved passed it and learned that my body does tolerate some things in small doses, which was not a wise thing on my part, so I promised myself to not use this information to self sabotage and I have not. 

This year has been totally different, I have learned to make and bring things with me that I can have and feel a part of the festivities, I am even going to try my hand at making a canolli cream that I can have, as that was the thing last year I succumbed to (thought I honestly don't know when I'll have the time to do it (lol)).  It is about adapting, going prepared and focusing on the socialization that gets done over the food, instead of the food itself.  I did not do well with it last year, but I've had more practice at it now and it has gotten easier. 

This road is full of choices, post-surgery, the price to pay for falling into a pothole of temptation can be dumping or it can be finding out that we have choices we would rather not have found out, somehow I think you will find your way with this and all I can say is what changed for me, is that I have come to like my new found confidence and the way I look in my size 12s and I fear ever looking like I did, so, I focus on how to survive these times of temptation and I go prepared.

Hope this helps some.

Take care and have a Merry Christmas and keep "successing"!

Hugs, Laureen

Laureen--
You always give great advice and insight!!  Thank you!  I think the last few events I went to unprepared but not tonight!!  Being prepared and focusing on the success is what I will try to do from now on.  Thank you for the great great advice!!! I appreciate it!

Laura

Laura,

Everyone has given you great advice.  Last year was my first holiday as a post op.  In fact, I had just been moved to regular foods about 2 weeks before hand.  That made it a bit easier for me...because I would get so full and was so scared...it was easy not to eat.  It wasn't, however, easy, dealing with family.  My extended family did not (and does not) know about the surgery.

You know what I ended up doing?  Was carrying a plate of food with me as I mingled with people and carrying a glass of water.  I had things on my plate that I could eat like lean meats or a piece of cheese and crackers...and people thought I was eating all day long.  At one point my grandmother noticed that I hadn't eaten much dinner and said "You ate hardly anything at dinner" and I said "Did you see all the snacks I had on my plate all day?"  I didn't tell her I ate the snacks...and she didn't ask.  She just said "oh yea - they were good weren't they?"

This year....I have tasted a cookie or two.  And I understand what you meant by not being satisfied with just a bite or two.  Funny thing is - now I am.  Granted some of that is because I've had more than that on occassion (not recently) and have felt so queasy and nauscious and yucky that I don't want more than a bite or to feel like that in front of family or during a party.

And what are you supposed to during these functions?  Remember the reason for the season - remember your family - talk to them - laugh with them - remember with them.  Americans have allowed food to rule their lives instead of family.  And it doesn't matter what background you come from...all nationalities who are living in America now celebrate with ungodly amounts of food.

I have adopted Shauna's ideal of "deprivation ended when I had surgery"  She likened it in one post to someone who is allergic to peanuts.  Do we feel bad for them that they cannot have it?  No, we understand it is for their health they can't have it.  And it is for OUR health we cannot have it (or at least no more than a forkful)  I'm not saying you need to be perfect and goodness gracious knows I am FAR from perfect on this journey....but you DO have to remember where you came from....how you felt then....and how you feel now.  The holidays and the food ARE overwhelming - but do NOT give it the control it has had over you for the past so many decades.  YOU have taken control with this surgery and YOU will get through the holidays without it.

If you want (I'm not sure if you've read it) go to my profile I think in October or November of last year (2007) and one of the blogs is entitled "Breakup letter to food" or something to that effect.  It's quite good if I say so myself.  One of the few pieces of writing I am proud of - and it sums up alot of what this thread is talking about.

Pam