Friends running?

Anyone else have the problem that after your surgery you were almost completely abandonned?
Actually, mine started when I had to start the pre-op liquid diet. I have a friend (whome I've known for 28 years and we're 33) that we have a standing date every Friday night to go out and then shopping. She started ditching me about 3 weeks ago... even though I have explained to her that I can easily eat soup and later can eat more things. The worst part is, she recently started kinda lying about it. Like tonight... she said she was skipping our outting because she needed to stay home and make Christmas cookies... so I called her and she had 'just gotten home' from going out with someone else and making Christmas cookies had fled her mind. I'd probably be better with it if she would just be honest with me!

I'd been told I would probably lose my 'food friends', but after so many years, I thought we were more than just that, ya know? *sigh*

Well... my husband is proud of me anyway!

I have heard of this before.  I've had a few friends, but they weren't to close to begin with, do the same.

My two closest friends, who are also overweight, have told me that they would NOT go through the surgery, but we have remained close.  there have been a few "digs" along the way..."My incredible shrinking friend" or once when we went out "Here...the waitress is cleaning off that table, go grab your dinner" from one of them.  I voiced my opinion and she admitted she was uncomfortable with the amount of food I would eat when we were out together.  I told her I understood that...and I am uncomfortable with the amount of food I eat sometimes too...it's still weird...and I also told her to not worry about that...it was my problem...and she respected that.

I think you need to confront your friend about her issues with you having the surgery...and her issues with lying and tell her how you feel about all of this as well.  Respect her boundaries as well...and even if she just needs time away, which will be painful for you...sometimes that's what it takes.

We'll be here...not the same as someone you've known for sooo long and probably so closely....but here all the same.

Pam

Sad to say but sometimes things like this are a great litmus test as to who your real friends are. Either she`ll figure it out or you`ll just move on.



“No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes it is hard for those we are friends with to see us make all these changes and adopt al these healthy habits and lose the weight.  It is terrible to say but some people just feel better about themselves because we were so much more "fluffier" than them, then when we start to lose a significant amount of weight they can no longer say to themselves "Well at least I am not as fat as so and so..." And with that they start to pull away from us and make excuses not to see us because it is too hard emotionally for them to deal with.

This is not something you can change right now--you need to let her deal with the issues on her own.  And if that means taking a break from the friendship for a period of time then maybe that is what is best.  I have discovered that sometimes our oldest and dearest friends can be our biggest sabotaugers (?) after surgery.  Whether it is conscious or not ...sometimes you need to step away from a situation for awhile to see how it plays out. 

Give her time to work out her own feelings and give yourself time to adjust to your new lifestyle and maybe in time the two of you can come back together and enjoy your friendship--if not then the friendship may not have been as strong as you thought and it is best to part ways. 
We are always here to vent to and offer support!! So if you need anything don't hesitate to ask!!

Laura

Oh I think I'm just disappointed.
I should have realized it would happen. I have two very close friends, have had them both about the same length of time... and they're both MO, one is SMO. The one who is SMO is 'using' me as an example-- she's planning on having the surgery as well... though I don't think she's told our other friend yet. My OTHER friend, the one who keeps ditching me, literally lives to eat. When we would have our Friday nights out, she would call me Thursday, or sometimes even Wednesday and talk about what she was going to have on Friday night at the restaraunt!
I'm hoping things turn around, but if not, well... I've done something to make myself healthy and live longer and I'm happy with that-- even though I'm in the middle of 'hell week' lol...