Well, here I am 16 days away and I'm scared ****l3$$

Well, the date is scheduled for Dec 29.

I got through my pre-admission testing this past Wedneday with flying colors.

I am good to go, right?

 

 

Wrong.

 

I don't think I want to do this.  I am scared to death of all the complications that can happen.  Not stuff like food getting stuck or dumping...that is a whatever.  I don't care.  I'm talking things like constant nausea that never goes away.  My body eating itself and me not stopping losing weight and dying from malnutrition.  Waking up in 15 years with massive bone loss from calcium deficiency.  Anemia, fibromyalgia, ulcers that eat my pouch.

Couple that with just the general acceptance and letting go of using food for special occasions (I mean, it is holiday time) and this is just starting to freak me right the hell out.

 

I don't know what to do.

It's so completely your decision...
I had my surgery 4 days ago, so I'm right in the middle of that healing process where most people pick up some 'buyer's remorse'... and yet I don't have any! I'm so excited at the thought of a healthier life! All those things (complications) you mentioned... isn't it just as dangerous to stay obese or MO? Dude, I know I was cruisin' for something bad to happen!
When it comes to the holidays-- yeah, that's tough... but there's one thing I have to remember... I have such a dysfunctional relationship with food that I never remembered that the holidays are supposed to be about family and friends-- not the food!
I'm so excited to start focusing my mind on what really matters and not what I'm gonna eat next! lol
It's tough... I think I had some second thoughts when I was about as far out as you are... it's a big decision and a big life change... but I still think it's worth it!

I guess I was stupid when I had my surgery, in 2006. I did not look at the complications, though my sweet son kept reminding me of the percentage of fatalities that occur.  That was his way of saying HE was scared I was going to die. 

Look at your reasons for pursuing the surgery in the first place.  I had a list that were primarily health concerns, then cosmetic concerns.

I was 49 years old.  I had been to Intensive Outpatient Treatment twice for my binge eating disorder.  I would lose, then regain, and repeat that vicious cycle.  I was prediabetic, had terrible arthritis and two surgeries to repair Plantar Fascitis on my feet.  I was on cholesterol medication.  I was diagnosed with a clotting disorder, which killed my brother shortly after I had my surgery, and my sister almost died from the blood clots.  I have venous insufficiency, which means the blood does not flow up my leg as it should, which could cause the clots, and was exacerbated by being over 300 pounds.  If I did not lose the weight, I ran the risk of dying before I saw my first grandchild. 

I wanted to live an active life, and be able to keep up with my kids who are all grown, and fit in an airplane seat without asking for the extended seat belt attachment.  I wanted to be able to pick stuff up off the floor without wondering if I would fall over.  I wanted to tie my damn sneakers without having to lift my leg by pulling on the cuff of the pants.  I also wanted to be able to shop in the normal parts of the department stores and buy sports shirts, like Eagles and Phillies stuff without hoping they carried it in 2X, especially when I was already a 3X.

Now, two years later, I have an adorable granddaughter I get to chase when she comes to town.  I am no longer on cholesterol medication, nor am I prediabetic.  I can shop in the normal stores, and buy Phillies T-shirts in XL, instead of 2X.  I am not at goal, but I am not as unhealthy as I had been.  I can take the train to New York and walk around with my son and daughter-in-law for hours and not feel exhausted.  PLUS, I was able to wear a beautiful gown to their wedding last year, and not feel ashamed of my size or my body. 

Basically, you have to weight the pros and cons.  Yes, I get tempted to nibble on the holiday goodies, but then I remember when I made the decision to have the surgery, I had realized that I had already consumed more than my fair share of cookies, candies and sugar for two lifetimes.  Plus, there are plenty of good recipes that can be made with Splenda, and I am content with or without the goodies.  I enjoy my kids and my family on holidays, and do a lot of fun things that do not involve food.  When I go out to eat, I always take home more than half the meal, and enjoy it again and again.  I live alone and make crock pots of food on the weekends and fill those Ziploc containers and freeze the soups and stews for lunches for work. 

I don't know all of your cir****tances, but I do know that obesity is a killer, and I have too much to live for. 

I will pray you are able to come to terms with your decision. 

Sorry to babble or lecture.

Hugs,
Trish

One of my biggest things food wise is that I cannot eat nutrasweet or Splenda.  I get massive migraines and stomach upset from both.  So alternatives available to some people aren't available to me.

That said, I don't think anything anyone has said is a lecture.  My health is on the verge of being compromised.  I am insulin resistant, I have many fertility issues pertaining to PCOS.  I have low blood pressure though, low cholesterol, no real body pain per se, and I am what is considered a "lightweight".....I only have about 105 pounds to lose to hit the goal on the weight charts and about 80 or so to hit my own goal.

I think my real concern is that I am going to have this surgery and give myself more medical issues than I currently have.  Does that make sense?

Probably I shouldn't read about all the complications you can have in the long term from the surgery, but I want to enter into this realistically and honestly.

At the end of the day, my issue isn't really food.  The food thing is just bugging me on a very base level simply because it is holiday time and my daughter's birthday.  My issue is trading in a pretty healthy life for one where I am puking incessantly forever or where I have massive bone loss or where my body eats itself because I my vagal nerve is damaged or something.

Does anyone know what the percentage of this kind of stuff is??

Death we know.  What about all these lifelong complications that can occur?

I hadn't read this part of your post before I responded.

I also "only" had 105 pounds to lose....and actually thought that 80 would suffice for myself as well.  I originally wanted to be down to 150 pounds...funny thing...I was no where near happy at 150 pounds.  Not that I was that vain...but I wanted to push myself further.

I have been as "low" as 125...and generally hang around 126-131.  There was a time when my face became a little sunken and what not...and actually...that wasn't at my lowest weight...it was at about 135.  But then my measurements changed and I looked better.

I can say that I had pre diabetes, arthritic joint changes, mild sleep apnea, borderline hypertension.  I was not on medications for any of these ailments.  However, it was a matter of time before I would be.  And at the age of 26, that was just ridiculous.  I have been an ER nurse for over 2 1/2 years...and before that worked as a tech (like an aide who can do more) in the ER.  And I hurt every day when I came home.  I didn't realize HOW MUCH I hurt until I stopped hurting.  All this time I blamed my "good" stethoscope on my neck and back hurting me....but now that I am not carrying around an extra 107 pounds...my neck and back doesn't hurt any more....and I wear my equipment around my neck for a 12 hour shift not just an 8 hour shift.

Only you can look at the reasons you are having surgery and your health and YOUR issues.  There are complication rates, absolutely.  And there are complication rates with living with obesity - even if you are able to not gain any more weight from here on in and stay at the weight you currently are.  And there are complication rates from stepping out your front door each morning and getting into your car.

Pam

I hear you and understand your concerns.  I also know that I have not vomited since my surgery.  I forgot to mention I had sleep apnea prior to my surgery. 

While I did develop an ulcer, that was a problem I had prior to surgery as well.  I had developed ulcers several time, in addition to a hiatal hernia and esophogeal reflux before I had the surgery.  I am proactive in taking a med my gastro doc gave me after my last ulcer, and I also usually avoid the really spicy foods, not to mention watch my caffeine and limit my carbonation.

I don't know what your spiritual guidance is, but I am a praying woman and I really prayed and sought wisdom in making my decision.  I found my answers and had a ton of peace about it the entire summer prior to having my surgery.  I will pray that you find yours and experience similar peace.

Hugs,
Trish

I honestly felt the same way you are now.  I had the exact thoughts going through my head.  I tend to have many 'what ifs' that I really needed to put into perspective.  I kept focusing on the negative things such as dying, wondering what ailments/diseases I may get in the future and how this surgery may impact those illnesses. The night before my surgery-my youngest was sleeping at the inlaws to go hunting the next day-I cried thinking i would never see his face again.  The same happened when my daughter left to go back to college that same day. The middle son was still home and played checkers with me and helped keep me calm.. I had not had surgery before but he did in 3rd grade for tonsils and adnoids.  He was trying his best to keep me brave.

I guess I chose to have a better life now and be able to do things I was not able to do well before. I want to sit in a movie theater, bus, airplane, roller coaster etc. comfortably.  I don't want to be the bing girl in he room anymore. It also heped that I needed to have my gall bladder out too so i know I had to have surgery-might as well have both at once.

On monday, it will be my 2 wk postop. My one month all liquids is over as now I can have egg beaters, egg whites, cottage and ricotta cheese for the next 2 wks in addition to everything up o this point. I have not had any major issues since surgery except some constipation. I gained 16 lbs in to hospital from fluids and still have 3 to go before I start to lose any new weight.

I have not regretted my decision to have the surgery yet.  My surgery was the Monday after Thanksgiving and I still will not be on stage four by Christmas.  Its ok.  I need to learn to deal with life's stressors without relying on food.

Good luck with your decision.

Take a deep breath.....

Your fears are normal.  And I won't lie - the first couple of weeks are not fun.  The first 6 days were the worst for me.  But that "constant" nausea you fear really goes away - and now the only time I get nauscious is when I eat to fast or eat something I shouldn't have.

"My body eating itself and me not stopping losing weight" - I feared the same just a few short months ago...because I dropped below what I wanted to be.  And everyone here and Dr. Pupkova told me relax, your body will find it's "happy spot" and you will be fine.  You will bounce up and down 5-10 pounds from here on in, and that is normal.  And Dr. P specifically was right.  She nailed my weight within that 5-10 pound range EXACTLY and has been such a help in everything.

This is a very very personal decision.  And it takes a lot of thought and a lot of self acceptance.

Good luck!

Pam

Hello Karibbean, your worries are a normal part of any upcoming surgery, I had my surgery in January 2007 and it is by far the best decision I have made for MYSELF in a long time.  While there is the possibility of complications (I have had 2 bleeding ulcers recentlty, which resulted in 2 hospitalizations, the  problem has been resolved).......I say go for it...Take care Bob (Lehighton)

 I'm about three weeks away from my surgery date and I do know how you are feeling.  Absolutely, the complications and possible negative side-effects are frightening and disconcerting.  Even if one is not overly risk averse, the idea of having a doctor rearrange your anatomy through elective surgery seems almost nuts.  Also, if your family has ever experienced the unexpected lose of a close loved one just one day after an elective surgery (my father) -- then the consequences are bluntly shoved in your front of you.

But, I think these concerns, at least mine, come from not being able to fully understand and appreciate the long-term consequences of resolving my obesity problem.  Yes, I have severe sleep apnea, but I've become accustomed to my CPAP machine.  Yes, I have a BMI of 38.5, but I can still find a pair of pants to wear. Yes, I have joint and back pain, but if I am careful and don't over exert myself it isn't too bad and I feel better a couple days later. Yes, my blood pressure is always between borderline to high, but I don't feel sick from it.  Yes, my cholesterol is borderline, but I can't feel any pain from it.  And yes, I am pre-diabetic and have horrible moments when I am really light-headed and feel feint, but I can resolve that by eating something.  

But, all these conditions, while they might not be life-debilitating at the moment, are nothing more than a ticking health time bomb set to go off.  It isn't a question of "if" your health will deteriorate to a point of significantly reduced mobility, severe heart disease, full-blown diabetes.  No, it is only a question of "when" these events will transpire.  I've had this discussion many times with my wife, is she very worried about me dying on the operating table or developing some significant mental or physical impairment.  She's worried and I am worried and we are at a lose for how to resolve my problem.  

But, what I do know is that time is running out and that many physical trainers, diets, exercise, weight loss prescriptions, and a brutally difficult effort of eating about 1/2 my alloted points on Weigh****chers to lose weight -- none of these other efforts have resolved my obesity problem.  Frankly, I am just absolutely exhausted by the battle, but I am not willing to give up.  And now, I view weight loss surgery as my last best hope (and most effective tool) in conquering my problems with food and getting myself on the right track for the long term. Sure I am afraid of dying, but I am even more fearful of living the rest of my life like "this" and having a horrible quality of life in my last tens or fifteen years on this earth. 

I don't know if my post helps in any way, but I guess what I am trying to say is that I read your story and I know how you feel.  And that for me, I hope that I can maintain my courage and get through the surgery so that I can get my life back.  I certainly haven't lost it all and I have much to be thankful for -- a loving spouse and family, great friends, and a fulfilling second career as a university professor after just finishing my Ph.D. in May 2008.  So, I've got a lot to lose.  But, my health is just as important as all of these other blessings.  I know it might sound selfish, but I want my health back for "me" and I think that the benefits of surgery, in the long run, outweigh its risks.

My best wishes to you during this trying time.