A vent...ugh (kinda long)

I have demanded respect after a loooong talk with hubby and child and we shall see how it goes.  But I am making my stand and that is how it shall be from now on!!  Thanks for the response!!!

Hey Laura,
She is wrong. She must respect you.
Your husband is wrong. He must support you.
He must show the daughter that she cannot be a wedge between the two of you. Even if you two disagree do not discuss this in her presence. Back each other while in front of her and discuss differences privately.
I'm also a step parent and and yes it can be rough but do what you need to do as a parent.
You nor your husband are there to be friends to the child, you are there to be a parent. You can be friends when all of you are adults. For now they live by your rules. No questions. No BS. period. 
Your husband needs to be sensitive to your issues, your moods, your stuff, whatever it is. He needs to support you not question your decision to improve your life and health. Take it all. The good and the not so good.

Dennis 

dennis-
Thank you for the wisdom and the advice.  Hubby and I had a loooooooonnnngggg talk about my needs and his needs and being a united front when it comes  to the girls.

We are def not going to let her be a wedge and she is beginning to understand that I am not going anywhere and I am not letting her act the way she did when she lived with her mother.  It just can't happen and it won't happen. 

I am going to keep on keeping on and do what needs to be done!!  Thank you for your help and wise words!!!

Luv
Laura

OMG if I ever would of done that to my mom she would of smacked the crap out of me and taken everything back that was her's...

Even though you didn't give birth to her... you are still her mom... and you so don't have to share... she can suck it up... lock up your stuff and screw her... life isn't fair and not every one shares...

OOOHH!! I like the take no prisoners approach!!  I know I should be selfless and alll thaat but still..it is my stuff after all!!! Thanks for the advice!!

well the approach that Jeremy and I have taken (and the same for our parents) is we aren't friends we are parents... we don't have to follow the same rules as the kids etc... you can be friends when they are old and married lol... but when it comes to being selfless it would be on things like sharing your time, food, etc... personal items... blah... hands off chicka! Hide them lol... but your hubby needs to realize this as well but then again he isn't sharing HIS hair dryer etc...

She will treat you the way you allow her to treat you.
Yes, she may have a messed up sense of entitlement (usually stemming from things she felt deprived of growing up)... but I also see classic limit testing going on.

BTW, I currently do not have teens of my own, but my career is with "troubled" teens.

Good luck,
Shannon

Shannon-
Do you have any tips on how to approach the situation with her? Teens are so foriegn to me as I teach second graders--this behavior totally throws me and makes me feel like acting like a teenager!!

thanks!!
Laura

I raised three boys who are now 30, 33 and 35. I never tried to be their buddy BUT I was always sincere and loving. Boundaries were set and maintained. You cross the line there are consequences, you go above and beyond and there are rewards. Personal responsibility is #1.
I had the opportunity to work with last chance kids from a "home". There again these kids that knew no boundaries suddenly respected mine but the key is sincerity. The know when somebody is sincere and genuinely cares. Dialog is important but you always have to maintain your leadership role.
Jeez it sounds like I`m giving a dog training talk. Not really all that different.