I AM STARTING TO CHANGE MY MIND

Getting really scared and starting to have doubts among other things...

Really it WILL BE OK!! What are you second guessing? What are your doubts - we are here to help you through this! The nerves are totally normal but this is SO SO WORTH IT!!

*hugs*

Liz

I'm in the same boat, actually, and I am so so glad it has been brought up here on the board.

 

I know for me, I am not scared of the diet change, the surgery, the lifestyle overhaul that I have to do...I have actually been doing a lot of it already to prepare myself for this.  The reality of how food and exercise and all the other sneaky things, on the contrary, actually have become glaringly apparent for me.

I am more scared of the logistics of my current life situation...I am a single mom, living on a shoestring budget in a very expensive part of the country, and I am 130 miles from my closest family member and actually 200 miles from my entire family.  While I have a few friends here in the Philly area, and I have people here that I know that have gone through this, I don't feel like I have a solid support system in the geographic area.  I don't feel like I have anyone that I can call if I am deathly ill, and my 8 year old relies 100000% on me to take care of her.  I have spent the past week really thinking about all of this.  First of all, I am 50 miles from Barix and I have a job that, while it is flexible, as a professor, I have to be at work when I have to be at work.  No one else can do my job unless I am not getting paid.

Then there are the medical complications that can happen.  What if I get a stricture?  What if I get dumping syndrome for 7 hours and can't get my daughter on the bus, or get her off the bus?  She is here all alone and she is 8, not 14 or 15.  What happens to her if something more drastic happens with regard to this surgical procedure?  The soonest anyone can get here is 2 hours and that is barring anything bad going down with the normally horrible Philly traffic.

I'm not scared of the pain, I'm not scared of changing my life.  I am not even having doubts because I know that the choice to eat certain foods here and there will be removed forever (like a piece of birthday cake or an Oreo cookie) and that kinda sucks too.  What I am honestly having doubts about is that I feel like the success of this surgery very very much depends on having people who can help me and be here for me in a physical sense.  Emotional support is great, but I need actual people who can help me if the crap runs down hill.

Anyhow, enough about me....I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.  Fear is completely normal.  I don't know what your answer can be because I don't know why you are scared and doubtful, but I think the first thing you can do to really make the decision is to recognize why you are scared and doubtful and ask yourself if it is just jitters and fear, or if there is some solid basis in why you are apprehensive.

I'm here if you wanna chat.  :-) 

Fears are something to brought to this board as well - by anyone who is feeling them and I'm glad you were able to get them out there.

Dr Pupkova was my surgeon and is my angel.  She has been wonderful from day one and I can honestly say her expertise, and caring, is what got me through.

Your fears about being a single mom are real.  And, in my humble opinion, are the same exact reasons to have surgery, although no one can make that decision but you.  What happens if your weight begins to go up more?  What happens if you lose mobility, slowly but surely, due to your weight?  What happens if you are in the hospital the night of her prom?  Or to ill to walk her down the isle?  What happens if you are in the hospital with diabetes, high blood pressure, cardiac disease, or some other disease brought on by morbid obesity?  She is 8 now and needs her mom.  And will be 18 soon enough and probably need her mom more than now for advice, a shoulder, someone to watch where she is going in those horrid teen age years.

See my reply to the original poster about what Dennis said.

Only you can make this decison - and only you can be here for yourself.  Support systems are great, don't get me wrong.  However, although I lived close to my family when I had the surgery - none of them really knew what it took.  My in laws to this day try to want me to have a piece of food that I shouldn't have.  I was "all by myself" in regards that I didn't have anyone close in my area who had been through the same thing I was going through. Hence why I became such an active part on this board.  And attend the Barix meeting when I can (I was very regular in that but with the move and the job change, not so much recently)  Connecting here is an "easy" way to be part of a support system.  There is someone here all the time with a shoulder to cry on, an answer to a question, a kick in the arse when needed.  It might not be face to face, but it certainly is there.

And Dr. P will be there too.  I did have a mild complication about 9 mos out of surgery - a small bowel obstruction that corrected itself.  I'm not saying this to scare you.  I'm saying this because when I called Dr. P she took my phone call while she was in surgery.  She then called the hospital I went to (as I lived about 1 1/2 hours away and she told me to go to my local hospital) to check in with my status.  She then led the "campaign" to get me to barix and was there when I finally got there a little after ten pm at night.  She stayed with me until about 1am in the morning.  And then was back in my room with me by 7am the next day and stayed with me until I went home.  She was absolutely positively amazing and wouldn't let anything happen to me that was under her power or control - this I am certain.  When I was discharged from Barix that time she gave me scripts to get some follow up testing done.  I went home on a Saturday.  She called me Sunday to see how I was feeling.  She called me Monday evening to see if I had set up my appointments.  She called me Wednesday (the day of the appointment) to see how I did and she called me Thursday to give me the test results.

You're in good hands no matter which way you turn.

Pam

  I guess I have always been on the fence because it is a drastic measure, but I think I opted to have the surgery out of depression because things were not going right in my life and like some people we want to blame evrything that is wrong on the fact that we are obese, and dont get me wrong it is an issue, but is it one that requires surgery or self esteem, I heard alot of people are happy after words but alot of people are not and I too have young kids 2,5 & 14 what if comes to mind,  Plus I have been on this liquid diet for 10 days and it began to dawn on me if I can be this disciplined in order to get the surgery why can't I discipline myself to lose the weight on my on?

We all get scared, especially as our date approaches, but you are in the best of hands at Barix. I also had Dr Boe for my surgery and will be seeing him Wednesday for my 9 month follow-up - he is caring, kind, patient and excellent at what he does.

Are your doubts in the area that this will not work because you've tried to lose weight before and nothing has worked? Yes, we've all been down that road as well - I dieted for 30+ years - now I don't. I eat right - I exercise - I LIVE this way and the surgery is an excellent tool to help you live this way.

I won't lie to you - its not always easy - any major surgery is scarey, but if you've done your prep work then you will come through it with flying colors. For me the surgery was the easy part, actually - learning to live with your new body and all of its little quirks is going to take time, and patience. But this does work - the weight does come off - and you will feel so much better for it and wonder why you hadn't done it sooner.

As of this morning I have lost 153 lbs - 50 lbs prior to surgery and 133 since my surgery in February. I've never, ever been able to lose weight like this before and live a happy, healthy life - I can now!! I'm still far from goal, but I know its within my reach, and yours will be as well.

Take care - its going to be okay - and we're all here for you.

Kathy

OK - so I suck at math!! I meant to say I lost 50 lbs prior to surgery and 103 lbs since surgery in February! Sorry about that...

Your fears are totally normal.  I almost left Barix the morning of surgery I was so freaked out.

Take some time to really reflect.  I'll pull out my old line that Dennis said to me a little over a year ago.  He told me to remember I made this decision when I was "sane" when emotions didn't get in the way, when I had all the facts I needed to have, when I knew what was right for me.

This has by far been the best thing I have ever ever done.  There have been bumps in the road - but nothing in compared to the mountains I have easily scaled since surgery in doing all the things I couldn't do before hand.

We're here to listen!

Pam

I can understan about being scarred.. I was terrified the day before and the morning of the surgery.  I was 534lbs and was considered to be of higher risk.. Because of my sever sleep apnea and high blood pressure.. Once I walked through the doors to the lobby I had a sense of calm come overme that I can't explain.  I was the first surgery of the morning and Dr Kaczmarski had just come back from Hawaii.. He  was wearing a floral head wrap.  For a while I has trying to calm my wife down she was terrified that he would come through the doors with bad news.. Once I went back and they started to prep me I realized that it ewas out of my hands now.. You were put on this road for a reason. I'm sure this was thought out very carefully before getting this far.. Don't turn back now.. You're about to get a second chance at life. not many people have that embrace it and run with it..

You can spend all of your time worrying about what if........  in relation to this surgery... If your worried about you children which is a valid worry I worried about my son. What if I didn't wake up??  Then he was the reason I was there What if I don't do this will I live to see him turn 10 or 16 or graduate high school?? What if???

So when you are thinking about your kids and what would happen if there is a problem.. remeber aren't they part of the reason your doing this in the first place?

I hope this makes sense to someeone. especially the ladies or anyone that is having doubts about going through this surgery.

Mike
Heaviest 534lbs  low point 224  current 275 (perfect)

I had my fears too.   I even joked about dying on the table but that was a real concern of mine.  I remember coming to after surgery and the first thing I thought was..... I didn't die! 

Complications can arise from ANY surgery.  The complications from this surgery is small.   For me yes I was afraid but I was more afraid for not being around my children later in life.  I know if I didnt have this surgery I wouldnt be here for them in the long run.   I am soooooooo glad I did it!

Diane