My ReBirthday...2 years today
Wow...where does the time go? This seems to have been a whole different lifetime.
I was hesitant to write this, as I've been dealing with some health issues the last few months that have led to a stall in my weight loss. I've had appetite issues, medication issues, and times where exercise has been incredibly difficult. I stalled two pounds from goal and have gone up and down and up and down and...am currently 12 pounds from goal. That's scary. But I am trying to take heart. I keep trying. I was in the hospital Sunday through Wednesday, but took a nice walk with my worried hubby yesterday and plan to take another today and be back at the gym by Monday.
So...what a difference two years can make. At 300+ pounds, I was lonely. I didn't want to go out because it was so difficult and embarrassing. Will I be able to fit in the seats? In the bathroom stall? Will I be able to keep up with everyone? What if there are stairs? What if everyone is sitting in a booth? Will people stare? Laugh? Make fun? Hell, it was easier just to stay home!
Alone. Sad. Watching bad tv and eating. Bored. Lonely. And eating. Aching all over, every nerve and muscle. Waiting for diabetes to take me, piece by piece. Every attempt at exercise thwarted by pain. What else was there to do for pleasure but eat?
Then, I was losing hope. Now, even though my new (and still un-diagnosed!) illness keeps taking swipes at me, I know that my goal is within reach and nothing will keep me from it.
Then, my size 32's were tight. So were my 5X t-shirts. No style to anything I wore. I would just be relieved to find something, anything, in my size! I didn't even realize till I sorted through clothes after dropping sizes that I was wearing stuff with stains and holes...I guess I'd stopped caring. Now, I dress my style, in my size 8's or 10's, and I like the way I look!
Then, I feared business situations - meetings, job interviews, etc. I knew that people would judge me by my size and not what I had to offer. Now, I walk in with confidence.
Then, I feared social situations, for all the reasons listed above. Now, I enjoy going out, being with people. I'm a newlywed with a lovely circle of friends.
Then, I felt like a failure. Now, people have called me an inspiration...that still blows me away.
Then, exercise felt pointless and food was a fake friend. Now, exercise is normal, even enjoyable, and I miss it terribly if I can't do it one day. Food actually is a friend now, though one I must still be wary of - it nourishes me and keeps me healthy and I enjoy eating it...I make good food choices most of the time...and recognize when I fail to do so. Oh, and failing to make the better choice doesn't make me a failure, just a human being who made a poor choice!
WLS doesn't cure all our ills. But it gave me a fighting chance. And I've taken it. Life is still challenging and that's ok. I have hope and I have love and I know what I can do! I thank Goddess for my new life!
