So unsure.....
Hey Val,
Thanks so much for sharing your story, thoughts and concerns with us, not to mention bringing "fluffy" to the forefront. I think your feelings are the feelings of most of us. We have lived as the fluffy for so long that a better life is still hard to fathom, even when we're finally living it. Getting and maintaining that self-acceptance and worthiness is as hard as maintaining the healthy weight we all need to flouri****hink a very important feature of your story is the length of your journey and how big your window of weightloss has been. Of course we never want to make comparisons but many of us go into this process thinking we have limited time to lose maximum weight and then, that's it. Get ready for the regain, but not necessarily. You and your husband John are a great addition to our group for many reasons of course, but being 5 1/2 and 6 years out respectively offers more confidence for Everyone here.
Weight loss surgery can aid in repairing the physical and emotional obstacles that have found their way into our lives, but it will never repair all the damage nor fix all there is to fix. Food is not the enemy nor are those seemingly insensitive fluffyless people in our pasts. So many of us are lost when it comes to identifying the original source of our pain, our discomfort that no doubt led us to depend on food. It could take a grand part of our lives to find it, and it could just bring more pain. You may need to know or you may need to forget and move past it all. Whatever we need I'm confident that we all can find it and it can start right here, together.
Dennis
Hey Dennis,
Thank YOU for listening! I don't know what to say. You're always telling me what a great addition John and I are to the group and every single time, it just about brings a tear to my eye. After being fluffy for so long and having people hope and pray that they don't have the same weight gain success that you did, it's so heart warming to know that now you can actually be an inspiration to people and show them that there are no limits even after 5 or 6 years. That with enough determination and a little hard work, they can keep on successing for as long as they like **BIG HUGS FOR YOU MY FRIEND**
It's been a long journey for me to say the least. I never thought I would ever get to where I am now and I think that's part of the problem as well as a few other things. In my mind, I'm not supposed to be 128 lbs. I had accepted the fact that I was always going be sitting on the chunkier side of the losers bench but now that I'm not I don't know what to do with myself I guess. At least by being on the heavier side of success, I still had something to work towards but now there's nothing left. I feel like my journey is over and it really scares me.
You're so right about finding what we need by starting here which is why I posted all of this. You as well as Liz, Shauna, Susan and Beth all shared in my first ever support group meeting and the way I felt inside when I left that day was just amazing. I missed out on so much by not meeting all of you before then. Even those that I have not had the pleasure of meeting in person yet have a special place in my heart. I know that I can come here and express how I'm feeling whether good or bad and not one person will ever judge me but will always offer advice, support and personal experience to help me get thru it or to even celebrate with me which is what being a family is all about.
I'm really hoping I get thru this and start feeling better about everything but if I have a hard time and find myself struggling, at least I know where and who I can turn to for support.
Thank you again!
Thank YOU for listening! I don't know what to say. You're always telling me what a great addition John and I are to the group and every single time, it just about brings a tear to my eye. After being fluffy for so long and having people hope and pray that they don't have the same weight gain success that you did, it's so heart warming to know that now you can actually be an inspiration to people and show them that there are no limits even after 5 or 6 years. That with enough determination and a little hard work, they can keep on successing for as long as they like **BIG HUGS FOR YOU MY FRIEND**
It's been a long journey for me to say the least. I never thought I would ever get to where I am now and I think that's part of the problem as well as a few other things. In my mind, I'm not supposed to be 128 lbs. I had accepted the fact that I was always going be sitting on the chunkier side of the losers bench but now that I'm not I don't know what to do with myself I guess. At least by being on the heavier side of success, I still had something to work towards but now there's nothing left. I feel like my journey is over and it really scares me.
You're so right about finding what we need by starting here which is why I posted all of this. You as well as Liz, Shauna, Susan and Beth all shared in my first ever support group meeting and the way I felt inside when I left that day was just amazing. I missed out on so much by not meeting all of you before then. Even those that I have not had the pleasure of meeting in person yet have a special place in my heart. I know that I can come here and express how I'm feeling whether good or bad and not one person will ever judge me but will always offer advice, support and personal experience to help me get thru it or to even celebrate with me which is what being a family is all about.
I'm really hoping I get thru this and start feeling better about everything but if I have a hard time and find myself struggling, at least I know where and who I can turn to for support.
Thank you again!
Hi Valerie,
What an excellent job you have done!!! OMG!!! 128 pounds??? I couldn't even fathom being that weight. I started off right where you were..,I was 385. On the day of surgery I was 373. And I've lost 217 pounds. And if I didn't lose another pound I would be totally okay with it. I have to say ditto to everything you're feeling and have gone through. Who knows why our minds play tricks on us and why we have a difficult time accepting ourselves for who we are now. It does take time. And your post just makes us realize that our journeys will never end. They keep going and going and this is our life now and we have to deal with everything that comes with it.
I actually think you need to reread your own post and let it sink in a little of all that you've accomplished and really, really think about it. We all will have these moments where we're trying to figure out who we are now and that is just part of our ongoing journeys. You'll be fine. And this will just be another hurdle that you've overcome.
Just a couple of days ago is when I found out I was 168 pounds. I had lost another five pounds in the last few weeks, when I thought that I probably wasn't really going to lose any more. Who knew?? I was just floored. I mean, my God 168 pounds?? I truly don't ever remember weighing that. I seriously was probably 10 when I weighed that much and that was, of course, horrible to weigh that much when you're 10. But in my adult life I was never this low of a weight. And it's really hard to accept that. But it will eventually sink in.
Thank you for your post. Keep on keeping on. You truly are an inspiration to all of us being this far out. Congratulations to you!!
What an excellent job you have done!!! OMG!!! 128 pounds??? I couldn't even fathom being that weight. I started off right where you were..,I was 385. On the day of surgery I was 373. And I've lost 217 pounds. And if I didn't lose another pound I would be totally okay with it. I have to say ditto to everything you're feeling and have gone through. Who knows why our minds play tricks on us and why we have a difficult time accepting ourselves for who we are now. It does take time. And your post just makes us realize that our journeys will never end. They keep going and going and this is our life now and we have to deal with everything that comes with it.
I actually think you need to reread your own post and let it sink in a little of all that you've accomplished and really, really think about it. We all will have these moments where we're trying to figure out who we are now and that is just part of our ongoing journeys. You'll be fine. And this will just be another hurdle that you've overcome.
Just a couple of days ago is when I found out I was 168 pounds. I had lost another five pounds in the last few weeks, when I thought that I probably wasn't really going to lose any more. Who knew?? I was just floored. I mean, my God 168 pounds?? I truly don't ever remember weighing that. I seriously was probably 10 when I weighed that much and that was, of course, horrible to weigh that much when you're 10. But in my adult life I was never this low of a weight. And it's really hard to accept that. But it will eventually sink in.
Thank you for your post. Keep on keeping on. You truly are an inspiration to all of us being this far out. Congratulations to you!!
Karen 
Hi Karen,
Thank you and congratulations to you. YOU have done an excellent and amazing job over the last year. Be proud of all you have accomplished.
It's true that the journey never ends but yet for some reason I feel like it has and it's been really tough trying to deal with it. I want to continue on this journey more than you can imagine. Not the weight loss part but the emotional aspects of it. I don't want the thrills and unexpected milestones to end. I want to keep growing from all I've experienced and accomplished. That's what kept me going for the last 5 1/2 years when I wanted to throw in the towel and give up and I think I'm scared of what will happen to me by not having all of that there to work towards and then build upon. I don't ever want to feel like I let myself down. I also feel as though I'll have nothing left to share with all of you and that bothers me a lot considering how late in the game I came along. I don't want to be someone who just lurks around in the background because they feel like they have nothing to say. I already did that and I don't ever want to go back there. I want to contribute. I want to make a difference for someone. I want to help others and inspire them. I want them to know that they can do this even when it seems impossible.
I don't know, maybe I need a hobby or something now. Heather takes that karate class which she seems to love and it can't be all that bad being able to get your frustrations out by karate chopping people for a few hours a week....lol.
Thank you again for everything!
Thank you and congratulations to you. YOU have done an excellent and amazing job over the last year. Be proud of all you have accomplished.
It's true that the journey never ends but yet for some reason I feel like it has and it's been really tough trying to deal with it. I want to continue on this journey more than you can imagine. Not the weight loss part but the emotional aspects of it. I don't want the thrills and unexpected milestones to end. I want to keep growing from all I've experienced and accomplished. That's what kept me going for the last 5 1/2 years when I wanted to throw in the towel and give up and I think I'm scared of what will happen to me by not having all of that there to work towards and then build upon. I don't ever want to feel like I let myself down. I also feel as though I'll have nothing left to share with all of you and that bothers me a lot considering how late in the game I came along. I don't want to be someone who just lurks around in the background because they feel like they have nothing to say. I already did that and I don't ever want to go back there. I want to contribute. I want to make a difference for someone. I want to help others and inspire them. I want them to know that they can do this even when it seems impossible.
I don't know, maybe I need a hobby or something now. Heather takes that karate class which she seems to love and it can't be all that bad being able to get your frustrations out by karate chopping people for a few hours a week....lol.
Thank you again for everything!
Valerie, what an amazing post. First, I must tell you, you have given me so much HOPE! You can add that to your list of accomplishments. I never dreamed I would be able to get down below 175 lbs, but you have proven that it can be done. You look absolutely amazing.
I think what you are feeling is a little bit of disappointment that your journey is ending. You have been living this life now for over 5 years. During those 5 years you have experienced so many "highs". I would imagine at this point most of the compliments have stopped, and probably some of your friends, etc. never knew you at 386 lbs. I don't know....I'm certainly not a professional. And I guess I'm only speaking from how I think I would feel. I have to admit, I kinda like all the fuss that my friends and family make. And I know when that all stops I will be disappointed that it's over. When I think back to when I was 350 lbs. no one, and I mean no one, ever complimented me for anything....not ever. Yes, you learn to live with that, but it doesn't mean you have to like it. Since I have been on my WL journey I am complimented everyday....and I LOVE it. I feel so accomplished...so important. Who would ever want that to end??? I don't know....like I said, I'm not a professional.
But I want to say again, you look absolutely amazing....and thanks for giving me the hope that I can achieve that same level of successing.
I think what you are feeling is a little bit of disappointment that your journey is ending. You have been living this life now for over 5 years. During those 5 years you have experienced so many "highs". I would imagine at this point most of the compliments have stopped, and probably some of your friends, etc. never knew you at 386 lbs. I don't know....I'm certainly not a professional. And I guess I'm only speaking from how I think I would feel. I have to admit, I kinda like all the fuss that my friends and family make. And I know when that all stops I will be disappointed that it's over. When I think back to when I was 350 lbs. no one, and I mean no one, ever complimented me for anything....not ever. Yes, you learn to live with that, but it doesn't mean you have to like it. Since I have been on my WL journey I am complimented everyday....and I LOVE it. I feel so accomplished...so important. Who would ever want that to end??? I don't know....like I said, I'm not a professional.
But I want to say again, you look absolutely amazing....and thanks for giving me the hope that I can achieve that same level of successing.
Eileen
Hi Eileen,
Thank you for such kind words. I'm touched that my journey gave you some hope. It's a wonderful feeling to know that you're helping someone else by sharing your own story.
You hit one of the nails on the head. I am very disappointed and sad to say the least that I feel like my journey is ending. It sounds so selfish of me and I don't mean it to. I love being a post op. I love working towards mini goals and I love all the new experiences I've had because of my weight loss. When I think about it though, I'm 5 1/2 years old now so I feel like I'm pretty close to being a senior citizen in the world of WLS. There isn't much left for me to experience or too many weight loss related goals left for me to reach so like others have said - Now what? Where do I go from here besides maintaining?
It's so tough trying to figure it all out but hopefully everything will fall into place soon enough. At least I know I can come here when I'm feeling like this and that in itself is a huge help.
Thank you again!
Thank you for such kind words. I'm touched that my journey gave you some hope. It's a wonderful feeling to know that you're helping someone else by sharing your own story.
You hit one of the nails on the head. I am very disappointed and sad to say the least that I feel like my journey is ending. It sounds so selfish of me and I don't mean it to. I love being a post op. I love working towards mini goals and I love all the new experiences I've had because of my weight loss. When I think about it though, I'm 5 1/2 years old now so I feel like I'm pretty close to being a senior citizen in the world of WLS. There isn't much left for me to experience or too many weight loss related goals left for me to reach so like others have said - Now what? Where do I go from here besides maintaining?
It's so tough trying to figure it all out but hopefully everything will fall into place soon enough. At least I know I can come here when I'm feeling like this and that in itself is a huge help.
Thank you again!
Thanks! I can't wait to meet you either! I'll be at Liz's on the 8th for the cooking class. Are you going to be able to make it? If not, you are more than welcome to get in touch with me when you come up this way for that business thing you have and we can meet halfway for lunch or something if you have time and of course if you want to.
I can't make it to Liz's again this month.....making up a karate class that afternoon...and I actually have a date that evening. Let's definitely plan on getting together that weekend I am up your way. I will be up through saturday, so maybe we can meet up Friday evening or Saturday. Dennis usually comes and hangs out with me, so we can see if he can make it too.
HG
HG
You're pictures are stunning.
And Dennis is right - you and John ARE such a wonderful addition to this board and to our group. We are very lucky to have "acquired" you. You are a genuinely kind person with support and knowledge to spare. Thank you very much for that.
I am not as far out as you....but I weigh the same as you. I am now about 128 (ok...so I bounce between 128-133 depending on the day....) and I have begun to struggle with some of the issues you spoke of. I went from 235 to 128 in a year. My "successing" continues because I still have a lot of mental work to do. I would like to pull my jeans out of the dryer and for once NOT think I have shrunk them. But I also understand the "now what" portion. I have never been at a healthy weight...never. My mom took me to the pediatrician in pre school because I was eating four plumbs in a sitting and was "chunky" (the very early stages of fluffy in pediatrician terms in the 80s) My pediatrician's answer? Just give her one. "But she's hungry" mom would say "Well then let her eat" ok, thanks doc. So now that I am at a goal weight....
Your journey is far from over. Your maintenance game is beginning...and for how scared you may have been before surgery or the life you were leading...you are scared now...and that's ok. Being scared that this is all a dream will help you make sure it isn't one...
I don't know if this will help you....but maybe "changing" your goals in terms of successing at this point? Are there things you haven't experienced but would like to? Horseback riding...couples dancing....pottery...karatae...ice skating...roller blading....ANYTHING? I know you can do so much more now than you were before....but perhaps you need another challenge in life. Hey, how about becoming a world famous classical chef? (don't hit me
) Those type of tasks are actually going to be my new years resolutions. I used to horseback ride - and I want to do it again. I also want to learn roller blading (something is telling me I will end up needing the services of the new ER I will be working in as a patient when I finally get brave enough to do that...LOL) and I want to do something with hubby....I would prefer to learn how to dance (can they teach rhythm? Cause I ain't got it!) but he might not be on board with that...he wants to get back into biking (he used to bike like 20 miles a day) so that's another option. All of my goals..instead of "maintaining" are focused on challenging myself physically and/or mentally.
I don't know how you do with public speaking....but on here you certainly appear to be a very confident person. After reading your posts...I firmly believe you would make an excellent motivational speaker or WLS "campaigner" if you will. I don't know what your full time job is...but perhaps you could look into something like either part time or for a company or whatever.
Like everyone else said...I'm not a doctor (and as Norm says...I don't play one on TV...and I didn't sleep in a Quality Inn last night....) and I could be totally off base on everything I said.
Just wanted to know you're an inspiration to us all...and thank you very much on working through this next phase. I hope to be able to meet you on Saturday at Liz's house!
Pam
And Dennis is right - you and John ARE such a wonderful addition to this board and to our group. We are very lucky to have "acquired" you. You are a genuinely kind person with support and knowledge to spare. Thank you very much for that.
I am not as far out as you....but I weigh the same as you. I am now about 128 (ok...so I bounce between 128-133 depending on the day....) and I have begun to struggle with some of the issues you spoke of. I went from 235 to 128 in a year. My "successing" continues because I still have a lot of mental work to do. I would like to pull my jeans out of the dryer and for once NOT think I have shrunk them. But I also understand the "now what" portion. I have never been at a healthy weight...never. My mom took me to the pediatrician in pre school because I was eating four plumbs in a sitting and was "chunky" (the very early stages of fluffy in pediatrician terms in the 80s) My pediatrician's answer? Just give her one. "But she's hungry" mom would say "Well then let her eat" ok, thanks doc. So now that I am at a goal weight....
Your journey is far from over. Your maintenance game is beginning...and for how scared you may have been before surgery or the life you were leading...you are scared now...and that's ok. Being scared that this is all a dream will help you make sure it isn't one...
I don't know if this will help you....but maybe "changing" your goals in terms of successing at this point? Are there things you haven't experienced but would like to? Horseback riding...couples dancing....pottery...karatae...ice skating...roller blading....ANYTHING? I know you can do so much more now than you were before....but perhaps you need another challenge in life. Hey, how about becoming a world famous classical chef? (don't hit me
) Those type of tasks are actually going to be my new years resolutions. I used to horseback ride - and I want to do it again. I also want to learn roller blading (something is telling me I will end up needing the services of the new ER I will be working in as a patient when I finally get brave enough to do that...LOL) and I want to do something with hubby....I would prefer to learn how to dance (can they teach rhythm? Cause I ain't got it!) but he might not be on board with that...he wants to get back into biking (he used to bike like 20 miles a day) so that's another option. All of my goals..instead of "maintaining" are focused on challenging myself physically and/or mentally.I don't know how you do with public speaking....but on here you certainly appear to be a very confident person. After reading your posts...I firmly believe you would make an excellent motivational speaker or WLS "campaigner" if you will. I don't know what your full time job is...but perhaps you could look into something like either part time or for a company or whatever.
Like everyone else said...I'm not a doctor (and as Norm says...I don't play one on TV...and I didn't sleep in a Quality Inn last night....) and I could be totally off base on everything I said.
Just wanted to know you're an inspiration to us all...and thank you very much on working through this next phase. I hope to be able to meet you on Saturday at Liz's house!
Pam
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
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