So unsure.....
A few of you may already know some of this so I'll apologize for sounding like a broken record. For some reason though, after my doctor's appointment today, I'm having all sorts of emotions about my weight loss and I'm feeling all sorts of weird about it. I can't explain it though and thought maybe if I posted something, you guys could give me your input and maybe help shed some light for me. You never know who may have gone through the same thing right? When I had my surgery, I was 386 lbs. I didn't expect miracles and even though I set a personal goal weight of 150, I figured I would never make it past 170 - 180 which I thought for sure I would have to struggle to get to but I would have been very happy with. Even 210 would have been a vast improvement after being 386 right? I mean, think about it - 386 could be equal to 2 grown adults at 193 lbs a piece for crying out loud! OR if you read Mary's post the other day, then you know it's equal to an average football lineman, a small bale of hay, the amount of cheese an average American eats in a year, a Chihuahua, and a Guinea Pig..LOL
Anyway, I went to the doctor today to follow up on some recent blood work I had done and as always, I was forced to get on the scale. I tried to use the excuse that I was just there 2 weeks ago and was weighed so there's really no sense in me doing it again since there wouldn't be any change in 2 short weeks. Of course that didn't fly with the nurse and she made me do it anyway. Well, it turns out I was wrong and I actually lost another 3 lbs. She checked my chart and looked back to my very first visit with them and at that time I weighed 202 lbs. I'll tell you all what I weigh as of today in a lil bit (it helps build up some suspense...lol)
I'm feeling a whole lot of different emotions now about the weight loss journey I've been on and where I'm at right now and I guess that's what made me post this. I spent a lot of years being overweight and then eventually morbidly obese. I never in a million years thought I would be thin. Weight problems run in my family so I just figured even if I did lose some weight, I would always be thick, chunky, big boned or some other politically correct term they're using these days and now that I'm not, I find it almost surreal. I'm not down or depressed but I don't feel that overly estatic about it either. I don't know why but I think I'm scared of it all. I have never been this thin in my entire adult life and now that I am, I feel almost lost in a sense. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I'm happy that I'm healthy now and I can do things I haven't been able to do in a very long time. I'm outgoing and don't have a problem fitting in with people. At least I don't think I do. But I think I'm afraid of all this happiness and joy ending now or something. I enjoyed working towards my goal weight and then getting on the scale at the Dr office and finding out I lost more weight and I was that much closer to reaching goal. I was working towards something and now that part is over. I know I'll have to work at maintaining it but I don't feel like it will be the same. I don't mean to sound selfish or unappreciative because I'm not. I'm so grateful for the 2nd chance I was given. Like I said, I can't explain it.
Ok so anyway here it is....drum roll please......As of today, I have lost a total of 258 lbs over the last 5 1/2 years! I now weigh 128 lbs!! 128 freakin pounds!! Me...The girl who has been "fluffy" for as long as anyone can remember...The one who couldn't go clothes shopping with her friends because I couldn't fit in regular sized clothes and they didn't want to be embarrassed by being seen in a plus sized store. The one who passed on going out to the movies because I couldn't fit in the theater seats. The girl that couldn't get a date because guys didn't think I was pretty or beautiful because I was f-a-t. The one that all the skinny girls loved to have as a friend because I made them look even better than they already did. The one who was made fun of constantly by ignorant people who thought it was funny to humiliate and degrade me over a friggin number on the scale or the size I wore.....Me.
Part of me still thinks this is all a dream and I'll wake up any minute now to find my old fluffy self sitting there watching tv with a half empty family size bag of Dorito's like the old days but I sure hope not. I feel like for the first time in my life, I'm finally living and enjoying my life and I don't ever want this feeling to end. I can do things now that I was never able to because of how much I weighed. People treat me differently now that I'm thin. I feel like I get more respect from certain people now. Of course, it's wrong that some of society is like that but it's just the sad truth. People really suck sometimes. All of that aside though, I'm very grateful that other than a few minor health problems, I'm healthy now. My cholesterol is perfect and I've lowered my risk of having high blood pressure, heart disease or god forbid having a stroke or heart attack. I lowered my risk of developing diabetes, sleep apnea as well as a load of other health conditions. But the greatest feeling for me is just knowing that I did it. I overcame the odds that I had placed upon myself and I succeeded and I'm thrilled about it which is why I don't understand why I'm feeling the way I am or what it is exactly that I'm feeling.
Sorry to ramble but thanks for listening. I love you guys!
Before 386 lbs and After 128 lbs!! YAY!! YIPPEE!! : )
Anyway, I went to the doctor today to follow up on some recent blood work I had done and as always, I was forced to get on the scale. I tried to use the excuse that I was just there 2 weeks ago and was weighed so there's really no sense in me doing it again since there wouldn't be any change in 2 short weeks. Of course that didn't fly with the nurse and she made me do it anyway. Well, it turns out I was wrong and I actually lost another 3 lbs. She checked my chart and looked back to my very first visit with them and at that time I weighed 202 lbs. I'll tell you all what I weigh as of today in a lil bit (it helps build up some suspense...lol)
I'm feeling a whole lot of different emotions now about the weight loss journey I've been on and where I'm at right now and I guess that's what made me post this. I spent a lot of years being overweight and then eventually morbidly obese. I never in a million years thought I would be thin. Weight problems run in my family so I just figured even if I did lose some weight, I would always be thick, chunky, big boned or some other politically correct term they're using these days and now that I'm not, I find it almost surreal. I'm not down or depressed but I don't feel that overly estatic about it either. I don't know why but I think I'm scared of it all. I have never been this thin in my entire adult life and now that I am, I feel almost lost in a sense. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I'm happy that I'm healthy now and I can do things I haven't been able to do in a very long time. I'm outgoing and don't have a problem fitting in with people. At least I don't think I do. But I think I'm afraid of all this happiness and joy ending now or something. I enjoyed working towards my goal weight and then getting on the scale at the Dr office and finding out I lost more weight and I was that much closer to reaching goal. I was working towards something and now that part is over. I know I'll have to work at maintaining it but I don't feel like it will be the same. I don't mean to sound selfish or unappreciative because I'm not. I'm so grateful for the 2nd chance I was given. Like I said, I can't explain it.
Ok so anyway here it is....drum roll please......As of today, I have lost a total of 258 lbs over the last 5 1/2 years! I now weigh 128 lbs!! 128 freakin pounds!! Me...The girl who has been "fluffy" for as long as anyone can remember...The one who couldn't go clothes shopping with her friends because I couldn't fit in regular sized clothes and they didn't want to be embarrassed by being seen in a plus sized store. The one who passed on going out to the movies because I couldn't fit in the theater seats. The girl that couldn't get a date because guys didn't think I was pretty or beautiful because I was f-a-t. The one that all the skinny girls loved to have as a friend because I made them look even better than they already did. The one who was made fun of constantly by ignorant people who thought it was funny to humiliate and degrade me over a friggin number on the scale or the size I wore.....Me.
Part of me still thinks this is all a dream and I'll wake up any minute now to find my old fluffy self sitting there watching tv with a half empty family size bag of Dorito's like the old days but I sure hope not. I feel like for the first time in my life, I'm finally living and enjoying my life and I don't ever want this feeling to end. I can do things now that I was never able to because of how much I weighed. People treat me differently now that I'm thin. I feel like I get more respect from certain people now. Of course, it's wrong that some of society is like that but it's just the sad truth. People really suck sometimes. All of that aside though, I'm very grateful that other than a few minor health problems, I'm healthy now. My cholesterol is perfect and I've lowered my risk of having high blood pressure, heart disease or god forbid having a stroke or heart attack. I lowered my risk of developing diabetes, sleep apnea as well as a load of other health conditions. But the greatest feeling for me is just knowing that I did it. I overcame the odds that I had placed upon myself and I succeeded and I'm thrilled about it which is why I don't understand why I'm feeling the way I am or what it is exactly that I'm feeling.
Sorry to ramble but thanks for listening. I love you guys!
Before 386 lbs and After 128 lbs!! YAY!! YIPPEE!! : )
Hi Lynn,
Thank you so much. I've been trying to cope with some other issues related to the surgery for a while now. I was hoping that my mind would "catch up" and I would be ok but it's not working out how I had hoped for. I think you're right about seeing someone to help me deal with all of this. A tiny part of me has this fear though that I will end up with someone who knows nothing about WLS and it's emotional impact and they'll think I'm just being petty or something. I know I'm being ridiculous but I actually had a bad experience with a health professional who basically told me just that and ever since then I have a difficult time trusting them.
Thank you again!
Valerie - You have done an amazing job! And I would think that it is hard to just revel in the accomplishment after life for so long was focused on "getting to goal" now what? I understand. I haven't gotten there yet (22 pounds to go!) but I still have trouble grasping things at this point, I weight less now then I did as a sophmore in high school!
I must say that it is a comfort to me to know that you are so far out and STILL losing / maintaining!!
Keep up the great work - I am sure that the brain will catch up eventually!
Liz
I must say that it is a comfort to me to know that you are so far out and STILL losing / maintaining!!
Keep up the great work - I am sure that the brain will catch up eventually!
Liz
Thank you so much Liz.
You're absolutely right about all the focus on getting to goal and asking "now what?" once you're there. That's part of how I'm feeling. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself now. I reached my goal weight quite some time ago so anything I lost after that was just a bonus but I could also afford to lose more weight if I did. I never considered my journey over because of that. Now at 128 lbs though, I can't afford to lose any more weight. I already have people telling me I'm too thin and honestly I think if another 5 lbs were to come off, I wouldn't be so happy about it and I think I would probably look sick. Because of that, this truly is the end of the road for me and I think I'm lost in a sense as to what's left for me and what purpose I have now with all of this. That's wonderful that you're 22 lbs away from goal. I've seen and read the way you work your tool to it's fullest potential and there is no doubt in my mind that you will reach it. Keep working it! You'll be there before you know it!!
Thank you again!
You're absolutely right about all the focus on getting to goal and asking "now what?" once you're there. That's part of how I'm feeling. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself now. I reached my goal weight quite some time ago so anything I lost after that was just a bonus but I could also afford to lose more weight if I did. I never considered my journey over because of that. Now at 128 lbs though, I can't afford to lose any more weight. I already have people telling me I'm too thin and honestly I think if another 5 lbs were to come off, I wouldn't be so happy about it and I think I would probably look sick. Because of that, this truly is the end of the road for me and I think I'm lost in a sense as to what's left for me and what purpose I have now with all of this. That's wonderful that you're 22 lbs away from goal. I've seen and read the way you work your tool to it's fullest potential and there is no doubt in my mind that you will reach it. Keep working it! You'll be there before you know it!!
Thank you again!
Valerie, what an amazing journey you've had. Congratulations on reaching your goal and being so healthy and looking so wonderful.
Sometimes I think we spend so many years being the 'fluffiest' one in the group that when we're not anymore its very hard to deal with. Sometimes I feel very self-conscious with my friends, even tho I'm no where near goal, but I am smaller than some of them now and its really strange. It was almost a comfort thing to be the fluffiest one in the group - no expectations of ever being thin.
I think if you give yourself some time to adjust to being thin and looking so different you will be able to relax and enjoy the new you - you won't go back to being a fluffy Valerie again, because you know how difficult that was to deal with.
So take one day at a time and relish in all of your hard work and efforts - enjoy the fact that your health is wonderful now and you're able to do so much more. Wrapping your head around being thin will come...
Kathy
Sometimes I think we spend so many years being the 'fluffiest' one in the group that when we're not anymore its very hard to deal with. Sometimes I feel very self-conscious with my friends, even tho I'm no where near goal, but I am smaller than some of them now and its really strange. It was almost a comfort thing to be the fluffiest one in the group - no expectations of ever being thin.
I think if you give yourself some time to adjust to being thin and looking so different you will be able to relax and enjoy the new you - you won't go back to being a fluffy Valerie again, because you know how difficult that was to deal with.
So take one day at a time and relish in all of your hard work and efforts - enjoy the fact that your health is wonderful now and you're able to do so much more. Wrapping your head around being thin will come...
Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
Thanks Kathy.
You're right about being the fluffiest one in the group all the time. And like you, I'm still self conscious about it when I'm around certain people. I think a big part of that though is because I know the type of people they are and I know that if I was still fluffy they would in no way be as interested in talking to me or spending time with me like they are now. Luckily they are not a part of my personal life and I only need to deal with them once on a while but it's still difficult.
I'm taking it one day at a time that's for sure and hopefully whatever this is that I'm feeling will pass once the shock of all this wears off and becomes more real to me. In the mean time, I just may take others advice and talk to someone. It can't hurt.
Thank you again!
You're right about being the fluffiest one in the group all the time. And like you, I'm still self conscious about it when I'm around certain people. I think a big part of that though is because I know the type of people they are and I know that if I was still fluffy they would in no way be as interested in talking to me or spending time with me like they are now. Luckily they are not a part of my personal life and I only need to deal with them once on a while but it's still difficult.
I'm taking it one day at a time that's for sure and hopefully whatever this is that I'm feeling will pass once the shock of all this wears off and becomes more real to me. In the mean time, I just may take others advice and talk to someone. It can't hurt.
Thank you again!
Valerie,
First of all - congratulations on your weight loss.
You have done an amazing job - because it is work. You worked for this and you
should enjoy the rewards. I think you have to remember each day where you came
from. Just little things that you can do now that you couldn't before and enjoy them.
My therapist always says - try to live more in the moment. Enjoy that I can get in the
car and put the seat belt on without it being a major project,etc.
After living so many years being "fluffy" - sometimes it is hard to adjust your brain.
Tammy
First of all - congratulations on your weight loss.
You have done an amazing job - because it is work. You worked for this and you
should enjoy the rewards. I think you have to remember each day where you came
from. Just little things that you can do now that you couldn't before and enjoy them.
My therapist always says - try to live more in the moment. Enjoy that I can get in the
car and put the seat belt on without it being a major project,etc.
After living so many years being "fluffy" - sometimes it is hard to adjust your brain.
Tammy
Hi Tammy,
Thank you very much for the kind words. It's definitely been a hard adjustment for me. I enjoy the rewards I have received over the last 5 1/2 years very much and I think that's what part of the problem is now. They're all coming to an end now. There are no more and I'm sad about that part. It's selfish I know but I think knowing that all these little things could happen made me work that much harder to make sure that they happened and now I feel like there's nothing left to push myself towards. Please don't think I'm being ungrateful. I appreciate every milestone that I have reached while traveling on my journey no matter how small and insignificant it might seem to people outside the WLS world. I guess I just wish there was something else for me to work towards so it didn't seem like it was ending.
Thank you again!
Thank you very much for the kind words. It's definitely been a hard adjustment for me. I enjoy the rewards I have received over the last 5 1/2 years very much and I think that's what part of the problem is now. They're all coming to an end now. There are no more and I'm sad about that part. It's selfish I know but I think knowing that all these little things could happen made me work that much harder to make sure that they happened and now I feel like there's nothing left to push myself towards. Please don't think I'm being ungrateful. I appreciate every milestone that I have reached while traveling on my journey no matter how small and insignificant it might seem to people outside the WLS world. I guess I just wish there was something else for me to work towards so it didn't seem like it was ending.
Thank you again!
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