Struggling to keep up the fight for this...

Keri,
You're right... and the part of your post that really REALLY hit home for me was the end where you talk about acceptance.  This is something I've never been able to do, others in my life have accepted me no questions asked, whole heartedly my entire life... I'm very blessed for that.  But, I have never been able to accept myself.  I strive for this ideal of "perfection" and I'm beginning to realize that everytime I get there that ideal changes.  I've already began making notes of the things I need to go over with my therapist, hopefully between the two of us we can keep me on track and work on a bit of self acceptance.

We have not met, but I really felt your pain in the posts you have written.  I experience a deep sense of shame about my weight gain the last year, when I never reached goal in the first place.  I have all sorts of excuses, some emotional, some medication related, some just plain old habits that came back and are kicking my butt.

That said, I am glad to hear you are in therapy.  It takes time to work through all the layers of negative thinking and behavior.  Keep pluggin away at those thoughts and beliefs.  Your therapist should be able to guide you in working through them and learning coping skills for dealing with them. 

I have a very low self-esteem and usually feel pretty ugly when I look in the mirror.  When I show people my granddaughter's birthday portraits, they usually say that she looks like me.  I then think, "Poor kid, to look like me." 

hang in there.

Trish

THanks Trish... I'm fortunate to be with a therapist who specializes in Self-esteem and body issues... I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't an immediate fix, a life time of self loathing can't be overturned in 8 sessions... I will keep plugging along, I am driven and when I put my mind to something I am a force to be reckoned with.  Thank you for the supportive words.