I'm one today!
To all of my wonderful OH family,
First off - thank you so much for the well wishes that Laureen started in a beautiful post. Your words are heartfelt and are very very much appreciated.
A year ago today, at about this time...I was already on my way to Barix. I weighed 219 pounds, after losing 16 pounds on a self inflicted liquid diet. I was a bundle of nerves and raw emotion. I was short of breath when I walked up stairs, had severe back pain after working all night, was generally hypertensive, recently diagnosed with a thyroid disorder, didn't sleep well due to sleep apnea, and was a pre diabetic. I couldn't run after my friend's children for long if at all and very rarely wanted to go out. Shopping was a nightmare and although Lane Bryant was a staple for me, I would go past stores in the mall and just stare into windows, looking at tops and jeans and pants and bathing suits I so desperately wanted to wear but "would never be able to". I did not socialize with friends all that often - and if I did - it was either at my house or their house. Very rarely out in public, unless of course, it was to go eat.
In the past year I have lost a total of 107 pounds. I went from a size 22/24 to a size 2/4. I weighed 235 and now weigh anywhere between 128-133 depending on the day. I work out after working all night. I have energy to spare. My back and joints do not hurt. My fasting blood sugar is within normal. Although a repeat sleep study was never done, a 24 hour halter monitor (cardiac) showed no reasonable sign that I had any sleep apnea (by looking at pauses, or lack there of, in my heart rate while sleeping). I completed a 5k in July which was a feat in and of itself, and then was able to go to a party afterwards and not just collapse on the couch. My most recent blood pressure reading was 106/60 or something like that...beats the hell out of 144/96 any day no doubt. I can cross my legs. I had to move the seat in my car forward to reach the steering wheel. I don't have to worry about booths at a restaurant. I love to go out with friends, try new things.
I do like my body - although I still struggle with body image and what I really look like. I still don't know who people are talking about when they say "That tiny nurse over there" or "That thin girl in the pink shirt" I get taken a back when people say "You are so tiny...you are so thin....I'm surprised how strong you are for how little you are" Me?? I pull jeans out of the dryer and think I have shrunk them - only to find out they slide up with ease. I look at dresses and say "oh I wish I could wear that" and then somebody (normally hubby) makes me try it on - and OMG I CAN wear that.
I believed I was confident a year ago. Today I understand what confidence truly means. On this year anniversary I embark on another journey. I put in my resignation at my place of work and tonight is my last night. I cried last year about surgery and this year no doubt I will cry again about leaving my co workers. Both are the fear of the unknown. However...I know I would have never ever had the "guts" to apply for such a big new challenging job with an additional 107 pounds on me. Did the extra weight make me worse of a nurse? No, it didn't. It did, however, make me less of a person in MY eyes. My eyes only, mind you....but mine all the same.
I have celebrated good times with all my friends and have had you carry me through bad times. I did have a bowel obstruction and truth be told - scared me beyond what words can express. It still scares me. I understand it is a potential complication for life after surgery - and I knew that going into surgery - but it is scarier once it happens "to you".
I am definately an emotional wreck today - about everything, the past post surgical year included - but all in a very very VERY good way.
I could not have done it without each and every one of you. Everyone has taught me something I didn't know a year ago. Everyone has given me a laugh...a shoulder to cry on...an ear to talk to.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Here's to many more years of successing!
Pam
I am forever thankful to all of you who I have met on this board.
I hope we've been the same for you, during good times and bad - you've had a very amazing, incredible, and yes, stressful year, but now you seem to be settling into your new skin and are embarking on a new life and I wish you all the best life has to offer.
Continued success to you in all things you do.
Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
Hugs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Teresa O
