I'm very down and upset with myself...

I did it again. I told myself I was going to get back on track and stay there, and after school I slipped up again.

I hate my life.

Cheryl--
Don't beat yourself up.  Please.  Everyone has struggles each day and no one is perfect...please don't get down on yourself..call me if you need to, okay???

Laura

I mean it ..u have my number right? So call if you want to talk!!

I do have it Laura, thanks. I'm just so disgusted with myself.

Well I hope you are okay and you don't beat yourself up,ok??!

I'm ok.

I have to cut out the booze. Nearly every time I drink, I lose my resolve with food. And all I want to do lately is drink.....after school, sometimes before school, and sometimes even on days I have to work.

Laura is right...we're all entitled to not feeling great about life or situations or whatever.

You recognize you have a problem - and that's a good first step.

Continually beating yourself up will only make those feelings worse, leading to a viscous cycle.

Your problems considering the wanting to drink and what not....they sound a bit deeper than just the every day blues.  I might suggest therapy of some sort if that is possible.

Keep close to the boards and keep yourself accountable.  The same "old" saying of them operating on our stomachs not our head is so incredibly true.  And it sucks to try to figure everything out.

Pam

Hi Cheryl,

I think one of the best things you could have done is to reach out to your OH family. You have a lot of people on here who believe in you, care very much about you and will do anything they can to help you get through this.

It's important that you realize you are not perfect. You're human and you're going to make mistakes. It's just part of life but mistakes are not necessarily a bad thing. They are learning experiences that allow you the chance to make improvements. While we tend to have higher expectations for ourselves than we do for other people, take a step back for a moment and think about what you would tell someone else right now if they had made this post? I've seen some of your posts and I know you wouldn't be this hard on them and you certainly deserve the same for yourself.

Like Pam said, it's good that you recognize there is a problem and I agree that the drinking issue seems to be something more than just feeling down. When a pattern starts to develop, it's probably time to see someone and get to the bottom of why this is happening. Sometimes there are other issues beneath the surface contributing to the problem that you're not aware of.

Don't ever give up on yourself though and please don't feel like you hate your life.. Try to think about all the success you have had so far and then use that to build upon. And remember that we're all here to help you whenever you need it.

I wish you all the best.

Thank you guys....

I have been drinking since 2000. It started as a way to comfort myself when I was having terrible anxiety from losing control of the right side of my body for 20 minutes due to overdosing on laxatives and diet pills. I was 150ish back then and with my extra skin I was very small (this is the third time I am losing 100+ pounds) and I know drinking is just like a food habit--a way of escape for me. I always want to escape, and be secure and comforted. Heck I'll even tell myself I need it to stay warm. I know it's insanity, and it's not the real, true me I am trying to find. It helps to look at how far I've come. I can wear a size large coat, I don't beep the horn with my belly when I get in my car anymore, I have a size 16 pair of J Jill jeans I can wear with room in the hips, now that right there would have made me extremely happy a year ago. I have to calm down and reflect on all of this on a daily basis and not let school, work, kids, bills or anything else get in my way.

I know I need therapy, a good one. My last therapist was trying to sell me makeup during our sessions and telling me her religious views.

Hi Cheryl,
I wanted to invite you to check out the Mental Health Forum, where there are many post-op patients who have struggled with alcohol.  I am a recovering alcoholic, and have been in AA for 19 years.  I have had periods of success in AA, along with periods of relapse. 

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/mental-health/

I also go to an outpatient therapist where I have been working on a lot of my issues that have made me the complex addicted person I am. 

For your last therapist to try to sell you make-up is a violation of ethics.  You should report her to her licensing board.

Hugs,
Trish