Where do I fit in now?? Or do I not fit in???

My heart aches for you...because even though I am married it is still lonely when you can not use food to show affection....I know exactly howyou feel...so what do we do now?? How do we move away from the comfort of food and drink and into life??

We are in this together though and I think we will all work our way to the solution.  I  pm'd you my # if you want to give me a call and talk sometime!!

Laura

Hi Laura,

You are in no way crazy. You're going through so many changes right now both physically and mentally and it's going to take some time for everything to fall into place but it will, that's a promise. Until then, remember that we all came from the same place and we all know and understand exactly what you're going through. It's tough trying to deal with the emotional changes of the surgery but you have all of us here to help you get through it and make it a little easier.

Hang in there..Brighter days are coming!

Aww thank you so much!! I needed the encouragement!! Thank you!!

Laura

I can so relate to this post.  I've had the same feelings that you are having and had many discussions about this with my therapist.  As our bodies go through this change, our emotions are all over the place.  There are several old friends who I rarely speak to any more and I'm finding that I have become more choosy as to what I do and who I do it with.  I don't think we ever really knew who we were.  We were so busy filling up with food to avoid real feelings.  

As far as support meetings, it may be easier to "fit" in when the groups get smaller at the Sat. meetings.   One of the greatest things I have found is that most of the wonderful people on OH and at meetings are supportive and non-judgemental.   Our experiences as WLS patients are unique and only fellow WLS patients can truly understand what we have gone through and will continue to go through to be successful at this. 

Arlene--
I think you may be right..I think I had filled up with food instead of feeling my real  feelings.  I really amlooking forward to the Sat. meetings but will have to start in December due to my Step Daughter's Sweet Sixteen on Nov 1....

It is true that as a WLS patient my experience and needs are so different now that I do need to come to a place where only another WLS patient can "get" me or what I am trying to express ...the feelings the ups the downs theturmoil we go through and how we need to change our lives so much in order to have a livable and viable life....

Thank you for the support and the kind words of encouragement! I so appreciate it right now!!

Laura

Laura - you are certainly not crazy! We've all been there. I like Shannon have a hard time relating to most of my friends that are "old" as they aren't married, are not homeowners etc. I tend to hang out with older folk (heck 1/2 my friends are 20+ years older then me!). We are all here for you no matter what happens and you will find your place in this crazy world - whatever that might be.

Best of luck and hang in there sweetie!

Liz

Liz-
Thank you for  letting me know I am not crazy for feeling this way...thank you so much for the sweet words and all the encouragement I can certainly use it right now!!

Laura

Like everybody else said, you're not crazy - if you are then we are, too. Sometimes I think we cling to each other out here because we're the only ones who truly understand what we're going thru, and that makes us feel lonely around our other friends. I'm very fortunate that my best friends are extremely supportive and understanding of how I don't drink and eat anymore - it was hard for all of us at first, but as I've adjusted so have they and we're all fine now.

Your old friends will come around as they see how much healthier and happier you are now that you're not lugging around all that extra 'fluff' and can do more, but yes, it can seem very lonely at times.

You know we're all here for each other, and you -- this wil pass and as you feel more confident and better about yourself the loneliness will subside and you'll feel like you fit in again.

Kathy

Kathy-
It is the adjustment and the changes that seem to have alienated me from alot of my old friends and now I really do yearn for new friends who understand and just accept me for where I am and who I am at this point in my life. 

Losing the "fluff"  has been a tremendous confidence boost to me and I want to continue to feel better about myself but the lonliness and the fear of the unknown make me afraid I will slip back into bad habits...it is such a balancing act every day....

Thank you for your words of help and encouragement! I truly appreciate it and thank you!!

Laura

Most of my 'old' friends were my biggest problem when it came to eating and drinking - not that I blame them for my weight problems - they weren't shoving food down my throat - but when we got together or were planning a get-together the first questions were 'Where are we going to eat' or 'What are we going to eat?' - and then we'd eat and drink ourselves into misery, but plan to do it all over again. Even with the girls at work we would eat lunch together every day and it was usually wondering where we were ordering from or where we were going.

October 2006 my sister moved to Florida (and she was my biggest 'foodie friend') - then early last year another close friend moved to Yuma, and they moved all of my lunch buddies into another office location - talk about feeling alone? Then I began my process for WLS and that really isolated me because my remaining friends here were still eating and drinking as usual, and I was working out and not drinking and watching what I ate. I felt the same way you do.

Now that I'm further out from WLS my old friends have come around and understand what I need to do and how I have to eat (and not drink) - and we're all okay with it, but it took some time. Since I don't have kids as a segway to meeting other people its kind of hard making new friends but I'm still hoping!!