Where do I fit in now?? Or do I not fit in???

So this is something that has been bothering me for awhile is where do I fit in now ? I don't seem to fit in with my old friends, I don't fit in with the people at work, and I went to the support meeting but I didn't feel like I fit in there either because I missed so many meetings prior...so where do I fit in now that I had my surgery and can not use food as my socializer and crutch??

I feel like most of the time I have a pretty positive attitude but just lately the hormones or whatever has just got me reeling.  I really feel out of place and not fitting in at any place in my life right now.  It is so disconcerting to me to feel so lost and lonely. This feeling of melancholy has been settling over me for the last few weeks and I really don't want to feel this way but I do...I just don't fit in to any place in my old life or now in my new life. 

Has anyone ever experience this feeling before or am I just crazy??

Much luv!
Laura 

I think many of us have felt this way at one time or another.  I have all my "old" friends although it was a little rough for awhile.  I have learned to go out and have a good time at dinner and what not and just enjoy the company.  I don't have a problem not eating to much - sometimes my friends have problems with the way I eat - and I tell them don't worry about me - I will worry about me.

As far as the meeting - nobody cares how many meetings you may have missed or what not.  The point is you were there.  We had a bunch of people there the last time who have not been there before.  We all understand scheduling issues - and its great to be able to have people there when they can.  Perhaps the Saturday meetings will work out better for you and will allow you to "fit in" - but understand - we'll welcome you if you show up twice a month or once a year.

You will find ways to fit in with your "new life" it just takes a lot of getting used to.

You're doing fabulously!

Pam

Pam-
thank you for the kind words and the advice.  This whole new life does take some getting used to and I do feel out of sorts but it is good to know that I have this place to feel safe and get my feelings out and not be afraid.  That is a good thing and I guess I have to redefine my sense of "normal" and what that means to me and my life as it is now.  Thank you for your supportive words and all the encouragement!

Laura

Fitting in was always tough when I was "fluffy". Most of the time it was due to my own self-esteem. There were friends/acquaintances who I knew only stayed around because it actually made them feel better about themselves..Kinda like, hey he's a lot bigger and less attractive than me so he's not any competition etc. Unfortunately that is how the world is sometimes.

Lucky for us we have an awesome network of friends on OH who will welcome us with open arms and who understand a lot of what we have been through and where we are going. In fact, my very first meeting with anyone from OH (or any other support group) was just this past Saturday ( I'm over 6 years post-op!). They welcomed my wife and I and made us feel like family within five minutes. I know we will not be able to attend every meeting/occasion but I know when we can make it to a function they will welcome us and you as well.

I can only hope that you're friends and family are supportive and understanding of the journey ahead of you but, just in case, you have us here to lean on if you ever need it. It may take awhile but you'll find your "groove" so to speak. It may require a different thinking on your part but don't let it get you down.

Hope this helps

John-
Thank you for you response.  You are right this place is an awesome place of support and love!  I know that my family and friends are supportive but things are just different now and I need to do some adjusting. Thank you for the encouragement!!

Laura

Hi Laura,
You're not alone and no you're not crazy. At barely 5 months out your body is still adapting and adjusting. And so is your head. This emptiness is not uncommon where you feel this disconnection from everything and everyone. I don't have a clinical explanation but I can tell you I've experienced this feeling more than once. It never stays with me but when it hits it's really disconcerting. You feel like "what is happening to me? I have every reason to be content, to be happy, but right now I feel, well, blue". I've certainly had my blue periods. I had one recently and my friends here helped me out of it. I had a similar feeling in the past and Shauna was the only one I ever told although I revealed it a year later. It was the Spring PA Pilgrimage of 2007 in Chambersburg. It was a Friday night after all went well with the start of our weekend. I was there with about 35 of my dearest friends with my best friend right next door but when I retired to my room I felt like the loneliest person on the planet. I don't know why, but I did. I didn't call anyone. I didn't tell anyone. I just sat there in my room wondering what was wrong with me. I went to bed feeling puzzled. I woke up Saturday morning feeling a little better, but I hid it all the whole weekend. Whatever stresses I might have had I usually put them on hold during pilgrimage weekend but they seemed to creep in on me. My being willing to share my feelings didn't just happen all at once. It took a long time and it still takes work on my part. The point is any one of us who has this experience should share it with someone. A friend that you trust, a confidante. Shauna is my confidante and I have shared plenty with her, but in this case it took me a year to tell this. Why? Well maybe it was that silly American male ego playing with me and saying "you should be able to handle your own problems. By yourself".  Well not always. 

We all know this board is a safe place to let loose and let things things go. You've done that Laura and that start is what will help you to see it through. I'm learning along with you. The next time you're at a Barix meeting please take some time and come up to me and grab me by the hand. I'm gonna need you.

Thank you Pam and John for your replies to Laura. Your answers help more than you know.

Dennis 

Dennis-
Wow, what can I say? Thank you so much for sharing this with me because you nailed this is exactly how I have been feeling these last few weeks....

This whole experience and journey has been life altering and exhilirating but there is still that piece of me that is trying to make sense of my place in the middle of all of it.  I definitely am glad I reached out because my OH friends are like family now and sometimes I need to feel that family support. 

Dennis your kindness and wisdom have brought me much comfort in this..thank you very much, very very much!!!

Laura

I have felt this before... but not in dealing with my surgery or weight loss... more of I was the arty/athletic one while my friends where brainy ones... I didn't fit in with the arty ones (because there were just wacked) and well I wasn't a jock... so I have always felt just in between everything...

To me it is a balancing act... and having a few choice close friends to help bridge the gap... right now I would love to find a church in my area with a pastor for me... instead of having my FIL as my pastor and always going to his church... so I get that lonely lost feeling but again not because I have lost weight...

I think for me it is just hitting that stage in life where making new friends is really hard... I'm 34... so hanging with someone that is 25 is hard because most of the ones I know aren't married and dont' have kids... so they don't get it... and then the ones in their 40s well most of them are getting rid of their kids etc...

But if ya want you can always hang with me lol... now where do ya live at again lol... Just gotta deal with my crazy 2 year old that thinks she is a dog right now... who is licking EVERYTHING lol...

I hear you too..it must be the age!! 34 is the odd place in between being too old for clubs and bars every night and too young to be doing the empty nester thang!!

But it is a strange place to be in now and food is no longer my comfort so I am kind of adrift right now...but I guess we all found our way back to shore eventually!!

But your 2 year old is adorable!! Even if she does think she is a dog!! LOL

Laura

YES. YESYESYES.

All the time, lately.


I'm very lonely and it's very, very painful. I yearn to be close to someone. I've spent my life being intimate with food and drink instead.