A mess....Random Blogging

Jen-
I am literally in tears right now reading your post--your struggles and your pain are so heartbreaking.  I pm'd you.

Laura

Jen, I saw you last night at the meeting.  You are absolutley beautiful!  You look at someone, they look good, so you automatically think they have everything.  Wrong.  You should be enjoying yourself now.  You worked so hard to get where you are.  You deserve to be happy.  I do believe I heard you say you are seeing a Proffesional about this right?  Have they not suggested and anti-depressant?  It is true you may be able to fight this battle on your own but you don't have to.  There are many other meds out there other then lithium.  Ones that aren't as strong and may be able to at least take the edge off so that you can battle this on your own. It is just a tool just as the surgery is for us. I really hope that you find the help that you need. You are beautiful and need to take some time out to enjoy it and yourself, and your amazing accomplishment.
Best of luck and happiness to you Jen!
Michele

Go see the dr and get help.  There is no shame in taking a happy pill!  I take celexa and it does wonders for me.  All the happy pill will do is bring the chemical levels in your brain back to normal.   The real shame is not getting help when its out there.  I was afraid too at first but once I went to the dr and told him what was going on I felt so much better.  Good luck hun!

Diane 

Jen - Sweetie - step away from teh wine - it isn't your friend and will not make things better- it will just cause a new set of problems. You have done a FANTASTIC job and look AMAZING! We are all here to love and support you - not judge you. I have been on an anti-anxiety medicine for years now, I was at the place you are now and my husband was truly worried. Lexapro once a day has worked miracles for me and my life. It just evens you out - there is no shame in taking them and they have come a long way from when your mom first started taking them.

Please see the therapist - make plans with your best girlfriend for a night of fun (no alcochol involved) and hold onto that boyfriend tight - he sounds like a winner!!

We are here if you need us

Liz

I just saw this now... But I wanted to reply anyway cuz having only met you once I think you and I both felt like we are similar in a lot of ways.  We had this surgery at around the same age and while I know at any time of one's life it's a huge change I think it's and all around different experience for a girl/boy in their 20's.  Not because we're younger per say but because when you have this issue and the need to correct it so early in life it's usually because weight has been a problem ALL of your life.  I personally have struggled with my weight and was told I was too heavy from the time I was able to comprehend that food is what made me that way.  3-5 years old my doctor was already worried about it.... So to live your WHOLE life as an overweight person and to suddenly be thrust into this new body not only do you have expectations of what that means but so do other people... It's almost like your friends and family wait with bated breath for the happiness and glee to shoot out of our pores... and it does, but then the pain sneaks in and you realize that you're still that little 9 year old girl who doesn't totally understand why she's fat or why her friends aren't.  We work so hard our whole lives to make people see us through our fat, through our self precieved downfalls and when that is gone so is our whole idea of who we are. 
I'm not in anyway begruding those who are further along in life and saying their struggles are any less then ours... It's just different.  It's like we've finally been given what we thought we deserved all our lives and now have NO idea how to handle it or how to really live it. 

I'm in therapy too, for the exact same reason you are.  I can't learn to see myself as a not obese person.  I recently dated a very good looking guy (in my opinion) who told me that my body made him weak.. those were his exact words and I did everything but have him commited to a looney bin... because I couldn't accept the fact that he actually thought that.. that this guy could actually find me attractive... I found myself thinking "What's wrong with him"?!  Those aren't the thoughts of a healthy and happy mind. Many times throughout my day I have to get up from my desk and look at myself in a mirror just to remind myself that I'm not 273lbs.... cuz when I can't see it, I can't believe it. 

I don' t think there is any shame at all in going on medication.  I have a girlfriend *****sisted it for a very very long time.  She finally got herself on a anti-anxiety med that has turned her and her life around.  Just like deciding to have a gastric bypass to save your life... deciding to go on meds to save your sanity is OK and never anything you should feel weak for needing. 

I look forward to getting to know you better Miss Jenn, and I meant what I said at the meeting on Wed... anytime you need to talk... Text or call or email and I'll be there.  Anytime. 

I know it's a little late but I just pm'd you.....Gina