Friday Morning Ramblings
Next week my hubby and I and two of our best friends are going on vacation - cruising to Bermuda out of Manhattan on Sunday - can't wait - we've really been looking forward to this since my oldest, bestest friend and I weren't able to do anything special for our 50th b'days last year due to my mother's ill health - my friends' parents ill health, etc. So anyway, we sprang for mini-suites and are so ready to go!! I'll try to check the boards occasionally next week but it will be very sporadic.
My older sister came up to stay with my mom while we're gone - our mother has lived with me for 17 years, and my siblings have all gotten lazy and complacent when it comes to helping out with her - financially and otherwise. Yes its nice that my sister came up from Florida to spend the week with her, but she is retired so its not like she's losing vacation or anything to do this - I guess thats why I get a tad annoyed when people say things like 'Oh, Vicki is so nice for coming up like that' - excuse me, its HER MOTHER, too. Anyway...she's here, and we're going, and that's what matters most right now.
Vcki is also my biggest NON-supportive person when it comes to my WLS - we were always fat together - dieting thru the years, exercising, but never able to lose the weight and keep it off. When I told her I was having RNY she got very nasty about it at first - I knew she would feel that way because we had both always said we would never resort to that - it was too drastic - we didn't want the loose skin - we were afraid of the long-term effects of having surgery of that type, etc... But I knew when I saw my 50th b'day picture that it was time for me to do something, and since she was in Florida it really gave me the courage to follow through, research WLS and make the all important call and appointment at Barix.
Believe me, I do not regret my decision for one second - it is the best thing I have ever done for myself - I am healthier and happier than I've been in many, many years.
That being said my sister saw me last night for the first time since April - we rarely discuss my weight or WLS during our phone conversations because she always ends up throwing out negative comments, so I'd rather not go there. Last night she hugged me and said 'Hi Skinny' - it wasn't a compliment. Later on that night she asked how much I've lost and I told her, and I told her how many sizes I was down (I'm very proud of that...), but she didn't really comment on either of those things. I'm not sure why she asked.
And yes, she's heavier now than I've ever seen her, but she was always more active than me and never had the health problems I did, so the weight doesn't seem to bother her as much.
Anyway, warned you that I would be rambling...I guess it would have been nice to receive one compliment from her about my weight loss, but I really wasn't expecting any. My other friends from Yuma that I saw yesterday were full of compliments, so I'll hang on to those to soothe my hurt feelings over what my sister would not and could not bring herself to say.
Kathy
My older sister came up to stay with my mom while we're gone - our mother has lived with me for 17 years, and my siblings have all gotten lazy and complacent when it comes to helping out with her - financially and otherwise. Yes its nice that my sister came up from Florida to spend the week with her, but she is retired so its not like she's losing vacation or anything to do this - I guess thats why I get a tad annoyed when people say things like 'Oh, Vicki is so nice for coming up like that' - excuse me, its HER MOTHER, too. Anyway...she's here, and we're going, and that's what matters most right now.
Vcki is also my biggest NON-supportive person when it comes to my WLS - we were always fat together - dieting thru the years, exercising, but never able to lose the weight and keep it off. When I told her I was having RNY she got very nasty about it at first - I knew she would feel that way because we had both always said we would never resort to that - it was too drastic - we didn't want the loose skin - we were afraid of the long-term effects of having surgery of that type, etc... But I knew when I saw my 50th b'day picture that it was time for me to do something, and since she was in Florida it really gave me the courage to follow through, research WLS and make the all important call and appointment at Barix.
Believe me, I do not regret my decision for one second - it is the best thing I have ever done for myself - I am healthier and happier than I've been in many, many years.
That being said my sister saw me last night for the first time since April - we rarely discuss my weight or WLS during our phone conversations because she always ends up throwing out negative comments, so I'd rather not go there. Last night she hugged me and said 'Hi Skinny' - it wasn't a compliment. Later on that night she asked how much I've lost and I told her, and I told her how many sizes I was down (I'm very proud of that...), but she didn't really comment on either of those things. I'm not sure why she asked.
And yes, she's heavier now than I've ever seen her, but she was always more active than me and never had the health problems I did, so the weight doesn't seem to bother her as much.
Anyway, warned you that I would be rambling...I guess it would have been nice to receive one compliment from her about my weight loss, but I really wasn't expecting any. My other friends from Yuma that I saw yesterday were full of compliments, so I'll hang on to those to soothe my hurt feelings over what my sister would not and could not bring herself to say.
Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
Kathy:
Sometimes people are very jealous. You are no longer the fat sister and maybe she can't take this. I think you should sit down and have a discussion with her. Explain that this may not be right for her, but it was right for you given your health related problems. Tell her that you do not expect her to make this choice, but you would very much appreciate her support and love during your WLS journey. Maybe she doesn't even know how this is making you feel.
Second, have the best vacation ever......you so deserve it!!!!!
Linda
Sometimes people are very jealous. You are no longer the fat sister and maybe she can't take this. I think you should sit down and have a discussion with her. Explain that this may not be right for her, but it was right for you given your health related problems. Tell her that you do not expect her to make this choice, but you would very much appreciate her support and love during your WLS journey. Maybe she doesn't even know how this is making you feel.
Second, have the best vacation ever......you so deserve it!!!!!
Linda
Kathy,
I think even though you expected this type of reaction, deep down inside we all want everyone to be happy for us. And sadly enough, that is not the case. It's kind of like when someone you love forgets your birthday or something....and deep down inside you think to yourself "well its because they have a surprise in store for me" and they don't. It's heartbreaking.
I'm glad you got lots of compliments from your other friends and know that you made the decision to make you happy for you not for anybody else to be happy for you. And "you can't please everyone all the time" comes into play.
For probably one of the first times you did something for you and only you and YOU are responsible for your happiness now, nobody else.
Congrats on all your major accomplishments, have an amazingly fabulous time on that cruise and know we all understand and have had some sort of issues with a family or friend that hurts and we have to get through.
Pam
I think even though you expected this type of reaction, deep down inside we all want everyone to be happy for us. And sadly enough, that is not the case. It's kind of like when someone you love forgets your birthday or something....and deep down inside you think to yourself "well its because they have a surprise in store for me" and they don't. It's heartbreaking.
I'm glad you got lots of compliments from your other friends and know that you made the decision to make you happy for you not for anybody else to be happy for you. And "you can't please everyone all the time" comes into play.
For probably one of the first times you did something for you and only you and YOU are responsible for your happiness now, nobody else.
Congrats on all your major accomplishments, have an amazingly fabulous time on that cruise and know we all understand and have had some sort of issues with a family or friend that hurts and we have to get through.
Pam
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Kathy,
I know it's hard to not have the support of your sister, I've had two people in my life, longtime friends, who had a really tough time of it and one has still never said a word about my weight loss, while she will compliment everyone else around me, she pointedly never says anything nice to me, I have had to accept that she has her own battles to fight and I have recently decided to put some distance between us, the other friend I saw for the first time yesterday and she has finally come around and is happy for me. . . I know family stuff is different somehow, but perhaps in her time, she will come out of her inability to accept that you've moved in a more positive direction for your health and well being and be happy for you.
Have a great vacation, I also understand about the responsibilities of sick parents and having siblings that think out of sight, out of mind. . . and hey, there was only two of us. . . ENJOY and have the best "50th" Birthday again!
Hugs, Laureen
I know it's hard to not have the support of your sister, I've had two people in my life, longtime friends, who had a really tough time of it and one has still never said a word about my weight loss, while she will compliment everyone else around me, she pointedly never says anything nice to me, I have had to accept that she has her own battles to fight and I have recently decided to put some distance between us, the other friend I saw for the first time yesterday and she has finally come around and is happy for me. . . I know family stuff is different somehow, but perhaps in her time, she will come out of her inability to accept that you've moved in a more positive direction for your health and well being and be happy for you.
Have a great vacation, I also understand about the responsibilities of sick parents and having siblings that think out of sight, out of mind. . . and hey, there was only two of us. . . ENJOY and have the best "50th" Birthday again!
Hugs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Kathy - Anytime you write about your sister, I feel like you are writing about my life. I know exactly how you feel about your sister not being supportive. My one sister, the one that I am closest to and for the last three years has lived across the street from me, is not supportive either. I see her almost everyday and we definitely talk everyday but I cannot talk to her about anything that has to do with my weight loss. Including pounds lost, sizes lost, health benefits, the wonderful new friends that I have made, the support groups or any new information that I may have learned. Those topics are pretty much off limits. When I slip up and mention something in front of her, she has nothing to say...sometimes I get a smile or a that's nice. However, her curiosity gets the best of her because when I go to see Dr. P, she does ask me how much more I've lost. It's hard not to share with her and to know that she is not happy for me. Just like you, we dieted and joined gyms together over the years and discussed that we would not have the surgery so I knew that she would not be supportive. I knew when I started to research and seriously consider this option that I could not tell her. I didn't tell her or anyone until I was 100% positive and had my consult set up. Maybe one day our sisters will be happy for us? In the mean time, try not to let it get to you, even though I know it's hard. Enjoy your vacation and savor the compliments, support and encouragement that everyone else has to offer. And you know that we all love you on here :) {{hugs}}
<3 Stefanie
Yes Stephanie, you truly know how I'm feeling - I'm sorry that your sister is the same way - and its hard because I know I would have never treated her this way. When she decided to retire and move to Florida I was upset about it - losing my 'best friend' - my god, we worked together, rode together, vacationed together - everything - but I also knew she was starting to hate the cold weather up here and loves Florida so I was happy for her - oohing and ahhing over her new home down there, throwing her a huge going-away party with a Florida theme - I just wish she could bring herself to feel the same way about my surgery, but its not going to happen. So like you we avoid the subject most of the time, because when it does come up I end up with hurt feelings because of snide or nasty remarks from her.
Hugs to you, too...
Hugs to you, too...
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
Definitely not rambling. Sharing and venting? Definitely but not rambling. It's so hard when it's family. I went to see my mom this Sun-Tues for a precedure she was having done that I wanted to support her through. She's doing WW and exercising and is losing and is looking better. I focused on that and being happy for her rather than the fact that she had nothing to say about my surgery, my weight loss or how I looked. We always are looking for that love but many times it's just not there. But girl, you look fantastic and you've worked hard. You deserve lots of fun on vacation and start giving the love to yourself. :0)
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