Remember Deprivation?

A while back, after about 15 months after gastric bypass surgery,  I posted my thoughts on deprivation.  It's been a while, but amazingly, there are still about 20 people who still have a copy of the post hanging on their fridge.  Maybe you can benefit from it.  I know I can every single day.

Shauna
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Post Date: 2/2/07 8:16 am
Deprivation. What a word. It feels "low" even typing it. "To withold something of enjoyment or possession" is how the dictionary defines it. I am now 16 months out from a lap RNY with Dr. Brader at Barix and could likely write a book about deprivation. But...maybe not in the way that you might think. "To withhold something of enjoyment...". Hmmm. My father-in-law is allergic to chocolate. Is he deprived? No. He just doesn't eat it. My nephews HATE cake. Are they deprived? No, they just don't eat it. I am allergic to, and really dislike, coconut. Am I deprived? Absolutely not. Today, with a 110+ pound weight loss, what I am deprived of? Maybe a much better question would be what WAS I deprived of before I became a loser. Lemme think. 1-Being able to walk into my office without being short of breath in the morning. 2-Being able to eat in a restaurant without knowing people were watching and judging. 3-Being able to feel personally comfortable in sexual/intimate settings. 4-Being able to just put something on and not worrying about what it covered. 5-Being able to eat something and not HATE myself for eating it. 6-Being able to stand up in the morning and not have swollen, painful feet and ankles. 7-Being able to have a monthly cycle without a massive headache due to my body fat. 8-Being able to walk into my child's school and not embarrassing my children. 9-Being able to walk into a public eatery and not scope out a seat/table I'd fit into. 10-Being able to have a circle of friends *****ally like me, to whom I make no excuses, and can go to at any time for help on my REAL issues. 11-Being able to go ANYWHERE with my husband without feeling embarrassed for him. 12-Being able to make it through a day without dealing with the pain of my body. 13-Being able to cross my legs. 14-Being able to use one normal sized towel after a shower. 15-Being able to walk in public without sweating profusely. 16-Being able to know that someone was looking at me for a reason other than disgust or pity. 17-Being able to think about the future without including weight loss. 18-Being able to make it through New Year's without a weight loss resolution. 19-Being able to meet someone new and not feel inferior simply due to my size. 20-Being able to ride a roller coaster, rock climb, hike, jog, etc. 'cause I feel like it 21-Being able to be something other than just BIG.**Think about this one. When you think of yourself, you are a FAT mom/dad/brother/sister, a fat employee, a fat neighbor, a fat customer, a fat friend, a fat person. That's NOT WHO you are. Fat is a wrapping on an incredible gift from GOD that feels like barbed wire when YOU are the gift wearing the wrapping. I could go on and on. What are you deprived of? NOTHING. BEFORE surgery you were deprived. Deprivation is STARVATION in Ethiopia. Deprivation is losing your entire family to violence in the Darfur region of Africa. Deprivation is waking up every day in a body that you cannot escape from. Deprivation is self-loathing. Deprivation is never being able to see yourself for who you actually are. Deprivation does not have a taste nor is it created when a food product is rejected. Deprivation manifests itself in you when you have no options, no direction, no choice. Mother Theresa was TRUELY DEPRIVED. No money, no home, no food of her own, nothing. But she had EVERYTHING. She gave of herself and knew of self. Hungry children in our own communities and throughout the world are deprived. Hurricane Katrina survivors are deprived. These people are without choice. Without direction. Without options. Are you deprived? No. Were you deprived. ABSOLUTELY. Can you revert to behaviors which will usher deprivation back into your life? EASILY. Feeling deprived of things like poor-choice foods, lack of exercise and emotional stagnance can slide you into behaviors that will return you to TRUE DEPRIVATION. It's time to assess yourself and learn the difference between feeling deprived and TRUE deprivation. I don't know what the new word to replace deprivation should be in my language, but I have the definition. "To reclaim, or initially locate, of the value of self. The process of seeking personal fulfillment." Notice that my new word is a verb. An action word. I love you all. You are all my inspiration. My accountability. My friends. Thank you for helping to replace my deprivation with a word that I have not yet even learned. ***Shauna***

Thank you Shauna, I love that I can come here and know that I am completely understood before I even open my mouth. You have been a great encouragement to me. I hope you are still recovering well. - Katie

Thanks for your appreciation Katie!  I am only SO glad that the words and my journey has meant so much to you.  I am doing very well and really feel pretty normal these days and will be four weeks out from the plastics tomorrow.  Thanks and keep up the successing!

Shauna

Shauna,

What a fabulous work of writing. Thank you so much.  You really are an inspiration to so many, myself included.  I will definately be printing this out and keeping a copy of it.  I also noticed your signature line tonight - and was gonna hijack another message but then I saw this post.  Great work.  It's nice having you active on the boards!

Pam

Thanks Pam,
I am so glad when my thoughts and experiences are appreciated and mirrored by others in my life.  I am certainly glad to have you in mine and was deprived before I met you :-) !  BTW-Hijack away!

Shauna

Thank you for posting this again. I often think of this when I start to pout in my head when I cant eat the 100000TH peice of birthday cake offered to me at work. Or when i pass up a doughnut.
I appreciate it and you.

Wow!  Thanks Nicole.  The appreciation is truly mirrored!

Shauna

Hey Buddie,
I remember your first post of this.
I remember how I felt then.
How I feel now hasn't changed.
I still break down upon reading it because I know from where you've come.
Where soooo many of us have come from.
I am soooo proud of you.
You are a wonder.
And soooo many of us are just that.
We are THE WONDERFUL!
Get ready for a glorious weekend!

Dennis

Live it, own it, run with it.  "We are the Wonderful".  I smell a t-shirt...so look for it on my back at the Spring PIlgrimage! :-)

It is realllly cool for me to think about how far my respect and love for ME has come since September of 2005.  Thanks for directing my thought toward that direction.

Shauna

Thank you so much, Shauna. I will be keeping this as well. It is wonderful to read. I am up with some major back pain and reading this really lifted my spirits.