relationship question-post op

Steve,No its not just you,remember it takes 2 people! Head on over to sex after weight loss on this site and let me tell ya it helps!I was a lurker for awhile and then posted,Everyone is amazing and helpful,,Yes they go thru what we all have with the sex and the weight loss and what comes with it!My sex drive has always been big,My exhubby couldnt keep up! My now Hubby is going with the flow and loves it !Hope it helps Hugs Trish

Wow... just wow.

"Sexual issues with you women."

"It's someting that I need"

And you're posting this on a public internet message board? Seriously?

I have no idea why you and your wife are fighting, but if you come off to her in conversation like you are here, then it certainly can't be helping. If I were a gambling man, I'd guess that the distance between the two of you is more emotional than physical.

I will give you the same advice I have always given my friends anytime they faced a rough spot in their relationship: TALK TO HER. Ask questions of her. Try and find the source of her unhappiness. Don't argue. LISTEN. If you have things to talk about with here, than talk to HER about them. And IF some of it falls on you, then do your best to correct it. Be 100% honest, and do your best to make things work. Time to man up and stop worryig about the amount of sex you're and start working on repairing your family before it goes into a tailspin.

Don't be afraid to work with a professional. Free internet advice (mine of course included!) will only get you so far. Nobody here knows more about what's going on in your house than the two of you. I wish you nothing but the best.

I agree with the posts so far. You all are going through the same thing but with massively different experiences. My first question is does your wife know that you posted this question? I do know this is a support board, but I am worried that this may embarress her. My advice would be to spend some time with your wife, talk, no accusations no blame. The hormones you have will change as hers will, your drive may go down or settle and hers may go up. If you were in the opposite situation how would you want her to handle you? This is temporary so please talk with her and dont make any hasty decisions or changes. I wish you tons of luck. I am sure it is hard having 2 people take this journey at once.

Oh and one more thing. Did you know that it takes at least 20 mins of foreplay for the average woman to be ready or achieve an ****** Men are so visual,  most men only need to see a body part they like and are ready and willing. Now dont call me sexist, I am not. I am generalizing, but I just wanted to make sure that you see how different it is. Maybe she is more willing then you think, she just needs more time and a wind up. LOL

You guys really need to talk to someone together about your problems. There may be nothing wrong with your wifes sex drive the problem could be you. sometimes women need to have feelings for the person they are having sex with. or maybe she is just overly tired after taking care of the kids & the house.
 I am just curious. Your wife posts on this board and I am sure she checks it out. If my husband posted our marriage  or sexual problems on line  especially with people that know us, you have both come to Barix support group I would be really embarrassed and  pissed off at him.
Put more time into your relationship with your wife and I am sure the sex will return.
Women have sex for different reasons then men do.
Susan

Hey Steve,

Just wanted to add my input here.

I find myself snapping at Gary alot more since I had my surgery.  I am sure it is the extra hormones...  plus if he annoyed me before surgery, I would go eat something with lots of sugar...  cake, cookies, you know the drill.  Now I can't do that anymore.  So I snap at him... 
I am actually remarkable sweet...  almost a little too nice for my own good... and seeing the change in my personality freaked my husband out...  It happened with I was on fertility drugs too.   Before surgery, my testostrone was abnormally high.  Now it is normal...  I think that effects the sex drive too!

I am much less sexually confident than I was before surgery.  Lost over 100 lbs, and I am less confident.  Who would have ever guessed...  I think it is the extra skin...  I know my husband loves me, and is attracted to me, but I still struggle.  Unless I have a couple glasses of wine, but at the same time, I can't fall back on booze to help me overcome my self conciousness.

Plus, we have the two young kids also...  it is much harder to find couple time...  But you have to find time to be together...  Just from our emails/posts/facebook, I can tell you have a great sense of humor...  Make her laugh...  Gary and I go out at least once a month and leave the boys with my parents, so we have a whole night to ourselves.  Heck, sometimes we schedule when we are going to have "quality" time together.  Otherwise, we would get so caught up in the day to day routine. 

It's going to be work, but hey, it's worth it, right?