Am I too young?? Do I even know anything???

Thoughts have been swarming for a number of reasons...birthday coming up, therapy sessions, my own blog posts, things happening with my father, people passing away and things happening in my life in general.

My question is this....do I even have any idea? I am 27 years old and think I've got it figured out, but then I look at the whole picture and think, girl- you ain't seen the half of it.

I joke that I'm "oh! So OLD", but really...honestly, I'm still a baby. Life is just beginning for me.  I'm still working at adulthood.

As I laid in my boyfriends arms tonight (after an AMAZING dinner prepared by me!)- see- I'm just learning how to cook! anyway...as I laid there I told him this moment...right now...was what I've been wanting for year and years.  Finally, I have it. I told him how mad it makes me to think how I'm always wanting more...and that I can hardly ever appreciate the here and now. 

So for you older folks who might keep your mouths politely closed at my thoughts and comments....what advice might you have for some youngin' like me who thinks they have it all figured out??? Do I even know the half of it???

Let's see Jen ..I just turned 40 and for me I think I am just now starting to figure it all out (or so I think) and what I came up with is live for today not hoping for tomorrow or relive the past. Savior the events and people in our life each and every day. 

I think your thoughts are normal and right on track you had lots of changes the last year and I am a firm beleiver in talking things out. Seems like you are with therapy and your boyfriend  and with us here.

Enjoy your birthday and enjoy today!

I also just got a medatation quote about living for today if I can find I will forward over to you!

<-----40 and definitely does not have it all figured out.

;)

I seem to walk around in a perpetual state of mind fuzz. Three kids will do that to ya...lol.

Considering we're the same age (for another week or so, anyway ) I wonder where I really fit in on this post.....

There are times I think I've got it figured out....and then there are times I go "WTF??"  Last night at work was one of those nights.  In an 8 hour shift I managed to:
1)  Admit a 13 year old to an alcohol rehab program
2)  Diagnose a 15 year old with pregnancy
3)  Get my A$$ partially kicked and then restrained sedated and monitored a 19 year old drug addict
4)  Help a 60 something alzheimers patient into a taxi cab (after finding him picking through a bag of doritos which was in the garbage) to send him home to his son who wouldn't even stay in the er with him
5)  Watch an 80 year old die, with his grown children and grandchildren by his side.

Now - where the hell is the sense in ANY of that except #5.  Why are 13 year olds drinking, 15 year olds pregnant and 19 year olds kicking my butt, calling me the c word, and high on how many drugs while a poor confused man doesn't even have his son there with something simple??

I don't know where I stand on this topic.  I'm a great nurse - and yet I don't know the half of it.  I'm a good wife - but can't run my household the way "it should be".  I'm a fabulous daughter - but haven't been to my parents house in weeks....A friend who is working at night so she can't go out and party and sleeping during the day so lunches are out too.

I have sooooo much trouble living for the here and now as well.  I always want more, want it bigger, want it badder, want it yesterday.  I hit ONEderland - my first major goal - first day after that was "OK....gotta get out of the 190s"  Hmm...haven't been 190 something for I don't know how long - why wasn't it good enough, even for the week?

Last night when I woke up - it was almost surreal.  First of all - hubby is usually here when I wake up and he was out.  Secondly - my street normally has lots of cars on it (parked) and lots of people out in their yards.  When I tell you most of the cars were gone and I could literally hear a cricket I actually in my half awake half asleep stupor thought to myself "Did I miss an evacuation?  Am I really the only person here?  And what am I doing with my life?"

I think it helps us feel better to believe we have it "all figured out" and maybe, for where you are in life, you DO have it figured out.  But the same stuff you have figured out now will be of little value as your life changes into different roles and positions and you need to relearn the "truths"  There's a quote in "Men in Black"

"Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow. "

That's what I always basically tell myself - my views, opinions, and even actions, are subject to change once I have learned whatever it is to be true.

I have absolutely no idea if this post made any sense - perhaps I should not become philosophical after working all night - I'm not sure.....

Pam

Pam- I'm double your age plus 2 years and your post made absolute sense to me. Jen- I think that many people in the younger part of their adult lives feel the same as you do. I think that you are both incredible women, well focused, intelligent, and goal oriented. I only hope I can take some lessons from both of you when I finally "grow up"!
Nancy C. Langhorne,PA

Jen,

I understand exactly how you feel, and I'm 35, so not much older. I think (for women especially) that your 20's are the time you spend really learning about  your self and others. You learn what you want in your life and what you don't. You learn to stand on your own ground.

For me, my 20's were a learning period, and I learned the hard way. My Gran always said "those who don't listen have to feel". Well I did a lot of "feeling" and hurting from poor judgement.

It sounds to me that you have a pretty good handle on things.
 
I had to learn to let go of always trying to be "the perfect daughter" "the perfect granddaughter" and the "peacemaker" in my family. Add to that being married and trying to be "the perfect wife".

I am still learning who I want to be on my own terms. Deciding to have WLS is part of that. Also I have a great therapist now that is helping me learn to be more assertive and is helping me to figure out what I want and need out of life and to not be afraid to ask for "it".

Having a supportive husband gets me through a lot that I couldn't get through on my own.

My best advice, (even to myself )...

Enjoy every day, Use every moment to the fullest, because you'll soon wake up and be 30 (yikes!) or older and you'll wonder how you got there. I still have the feeling of wishing I could turn back time, and hind sight being 20/20, I wish I knew then what I know now!

Best of Luck and Good wishes for a happy Future,
another Jen

Hi Jen,

At 27 I had it all figured out also....and then I again had it figured out at 30, 35, 40 etc.  At 53 I have come to the conclusion that I will never figure it out and that you need to just sit back and take them one at a time. 

Enjoy being 27 it only feels like yesterday that I was standing outside Studio 54 freezing my tush off. 


Jeanne

Jen, as a teacher I am sure you also know in your head that we are all life-long learners.  I am almost double your age and have lived a lot of life, trust me!  I had what I refer to as my BC years, before convent, and now I have my nun years.  My BC years were wild and crazy and filled with seeking answers.  My early nun years had me doing much interior wok to discover who I really am and what my life vocation is calling to.  Just when I think all is well, there seems to come a new twist or turn that opens a new path before me and offers excitement, apprehension, doubts, peace and times of complete paradox.  There's always something to learn, there's always new insights, and one thing that is complete and utterly certain: change is constant and unavoidable.  So here's the thing, how the hell well we ever have all the answers?  We won't but hey, it's how we feel about ourselves, our life and what we make of it.  Go make it a great ride!  Like we read: life is a journey not a destination!

Jan 

50 this year and I stopped trying to figure anything out.  Just try to be happy where you're at and life will happen.  Life is way to short so just try to be content.  And even if you're not, act like you are!

Jen, nobody's going to beat you up about your feelings - you probably just voiced what a lot of us ask ourselves from time to time. In my life about the only thing I've really learned and come to depend on is CHANGE - it happens constantly and you can either accept it and grow with it or from it, or try to ignore it, but its going to happen, so you have to make the best of it. At 20 I gave a baby up for adoption - it was best for both of us even though my heart literally broke that day - I lost my dad when I was about your age, and even tho I thought my heart could never break again like it did when I gave my daughter up it did. But I healed - I learned from both - and over the years have come to accept that old adage 'that that doesn't kill us will make us stronger'. My biggest changes came again when I met my husband and when I was reunited with my daughter after 21 years. Life is a learning process - none of us will ever have it down pat because we never know what is going to happen to us from one day to the next. You've made some amazing changes in your life - all for the better - you've gotten your health back - you've met a wonderful man - and you seem very happy and pretty settled for a 27 year old. Relax - enjoy your life every day - and embrace change - good and bad. It all happens for a reason. Kathy