Lack of support

I am so bummed. I had so much support when i started the program. Now im only a month from surgery and friends seem to be less even Not supportive at all. Im really bummed about one really good friend who made the comment after all this time" why not just lose the weight"? This is coming from a girl who two sisters have it done and also a cousin. She her self is over weight and I got the feeling it might be jealousy. She just started WW as well. I know i shouldnt let it bother me, but it does. Any ideas or suggestions to talk to this friend.

Tanya,

Unfortunately, when going this route, there are casualties to be had.  I, myself, have experienced a cold shoulder from friends that pre-surgery seemed very supportive and then there were the more outspoken ones, who said as your friend did, why not try to lose it through diet. . .   One friend, in particular, has recently told me that while she is proud of my success, she cannot talk to me right now, because she is struggling within her own weight issues, and trust me, I only talk about my weight loss if questioned because I am sensitive to the feelings of others who struggle, as the truth is, it will be about making the right choices for the rest of my life, so  I thanked her for her honesty and told her that our friendship is based on support, laughter and love and that when she was ready I'd still be here.  That's all I can do, it hurts, like hell sometimes, but I'd rather be healthy and thin, than pleasing others, as I did most of my life, by doing things their way, besides, as a result of this, I've made some new friends.

So get the support where you can, here is a good place, support groups, but the truth is there are going to be people who feel left out when you lose the weight.

Hugs, Laureen

I think it's jealousy. I had a friend who kept telling me to do it the "natural" way and that she would never do it. Well, that was 6 months ago. Now, my surgery is next week and she just tried to get the surgery but her insurance won't cover it. Just don't try to rub it in too mu*****ase it is jealousy. Maybe she wants to get it too but can't for some reason and wants to talk you out of it so it won't be so hard on her. It's a tough situation.

Good luck,
Tracy

My older sister was my biggest 'issue' - we've both always been obese and we've dieted together, exercised together, tried everything under the sun but were probably our own worst enemies in the end. When she moved to Florida 2 years ago my weight really ballooned - I was sad over her leaving, all of my friends at work moved to another location, and I had a terrible time with my mother who went thru 2 forms of cancer and treatments, and a broken hip. When I finally made the decision to have WLS I knew my sister would still be my biggest non-supportive person, and she is. She tries to be supportive, but whenever we get on the subject the snide remarks start to come out so I back off and change the subject. I could never have done this with her around, and maybe you need to let go of this negative friend for a while, because this is a very personal, difficult decision, and you really do need all the positive support you can get right now. This isn't easy - it takes dedication, determination and a helluva lot of hard work - and if your friend doesn't understand that then you're better off without her right now. I know my mother fills my sister in on everything and that's fine - I don't bring my weight loss up - I don't discuss my eating or anything else with her - its just not worth the aggrevation. We all want our nearest and dearest to support us unconditionally, but sadly that isn't always the case. There are plenty of positive people out there who will support you - lean on them. Kathy

The only person I really wanted support from was my hubby... the rest I just didn't care... and I am still that way... I had to put myself first to fix me because nothing else worked... but I got lucky and everyone supported me...

Ask her to be completely honest with you about you and the surgery... maybe she is scared for you or it could be jealous... or it could be something completely different... but if she is doing WW show your support... maybe buy her a WW cookbook.... etc...

Shannon,You have a point there~ I got alot of support from my family pre-op and now they are alittle worried,not used to seeing me look thinner and not eating as much as i did before,Sometimes seems like they worry to much ,but its a nice worry and i wouldnt change it for the world,Hugs Trish

thanks. Im trying to be supportive. My SO is my biggest supporter even though he is in school in FL till Feb. We have been together for 5 years. 4 of those long distance. BLAH. I cant wait till he is here FT so i can have the support at home 24 hrs. a day. I know im getting scared i just feel like sometimes no one understands.

The truth is, many in the "outside" world DON'T understand.  Even those that think they do.  My friends were very scared for me.  One was happy for me - although I NEVER bring up the subject with her unless she brings it up as she is morbidly obese and has faught these demons herself for years - and contemplated the surgery but decided against it a few years back.  It was interesting, because I saw this friend for the first time (it's a long distance friendship) for the first time since December (In december I was barely 6 weeks out - now I'm 8 mos out and basically at goal)  She didn't recognize me - and has dropped weight doing a form of ww as well - and I'm very proud of her.  The only comment that really was "odd" for me to hear from her was well into the evening when we were standing outside - she was just staring at me - and I broke the tension with a laugh and a "what the hell you lookin at" type of comment and she said "Don't mind me - this is just weird - and you are freaking me out" 

If your friend wants to talk - be open and honest with her.  Tell her the rules of your new lifestyle regarding food stages and food/sugar/fat alllowances per your surgeon's program, and the fact that exercise, hard work, and dedication will be a necessary part of your new life, and that this is not the easy fix.  People gain weight back all the time.

I for one am a firm believer in support.  People make comments all the time about how much I'm on here (good comments I might add) but that's because I literally have almost no support close to home.  In support, I mean by people who truly understand.  Hubby is very supportive - but doesn't get it completely.  My parents are decently supportive and that's about it.

Good luck!!

Pam

I think we are all hit with things like this. My mom is supportive all she can be- she has struggled with her weight all her life and can be a hound dog to us about our weight. My sister is semi supportive- tells me I don't have time to exercise or go to the gym and when she is tired of hearing my excitement she sends me a snide comment and then I shut up.
i have a long time friend- 18 yrs and she knows I had the surgery and recently saw me when I was down 75lbs and it was very obvious I had lost weight--- she said nothing!!! Hurt my feelings but she is like that- its all about her.
My boyfriend is so supportive always there for me and then u have the boards that offer the support and hopefully you can find someone near you that can be a good support. Its really hard when u are so excited about something and not being able to share.

Find a support group, either at a hospital, or in your community, and look for the support there.  Friends are fickle and don't understand this surgery.  Educate yourself, and look for heatlhy people, emotionally healthy people, for your support.

Trish