**Tuesday Roll Call**

Well after going to bed last night in my water ice rage...I took some benadryl, went to bed, and don't remember anything except one really screwy dream, for the past 6 hours.  The humidity has broken, it is actually brisk outside and I feel much better. The agenda today.... I left the kitchen a wreck last night after cooking dinner and not feeling like doing anything when I got home last night.  That needs to be done. Hubby and I will probably catch a matinee of a movie.  There are a few out that we want to see, so I'm not sure which one it will be. This evening we are going to a friends house.  We are the godparents of both of their children.  The 11 year old has multiple emotional/psychological issues and was institutionalized from August of last year until 6 weeks ago.  He's home and doing much better.  Tonight there is a meeting with the counselors from the school he was in.  It is basically a home care long term set up type meeting - they are trying to sever ties with the program if the child and family can handle it.  I feel bad for the child - I truly believe his "mother" (whom is not his biological mother, but his step mother since he was 4) has some issues of her own which compounds this situation.  Plus, there is a new one year old baby in the house - and she (I'm not sure if this is intentional or not) obviously shows much more love towards the baby than she does the 11 year old.  Granted, he has his own issues, but she compounds them.  Brian and I are considered "integral" to this child's home life as we are the ones who go up there to settle disputes and help discipline him when needed, so the counselor wanted us there too.  We are both very close to him, Brian more so than me.  Wish us luck on this tonight - I'm not quite sure what to expect. And that's about it for the day. Pam

Good Morning Pa. Pam, I hope things go well for you today. I have a semi-similar situation with my friends' 13 year old. I am afraid she is falling into a depression that will be hard to get her out of. I am hoping to spend some time with her today as well as my other neice and nephew. I think I will take them to the pool.  The majority of the day has me at work. We are pretty busy, I have 3 employees out with surgeries this week, so we are BUSY. In fact, I better get a move on. Hope you all have a good day. - Katie

Good Morning Pam, Katie, and the rest of PA,   Pam and Katie - Good luck today.  It is so important for a child to have an adult role model in their life.  Someone who is there for them in a time of need and it sounds as if you both are there for them.  God is smiling on you so be strong and continue on the paths you are on.   Today is beautiful out so i will definately be taking a walk.  Good news I got on the scale this morning and I have hit my pre-approval goal weight.  Now if I can just keep it off until July 9th, my final appointment.  I am still so afraid of not being approved. I am working at the school today and then Pennys tonight.  It is just a typical day in the life of Kim. Hope everyone has a great day.   Kim

Good morning everyone - let's hope all the bad karma is out of the way and everyone is feeling much better today. For some reason I'm really tired today - woke up early enough to ride my bike but rolled over and went back to sleep. I don't do that often but my whole body feels beat up - probably the weekend and the drain on my system from my lovely female friend. Not much on the agenda today - tonight I'll pack for my little road trip tomorrow for work. Looking forward to the long weekend off - 3 days - woo-hoo! Going to a friends' house at the beach for some R&R. Hope you're all doing better and Pam, hope you find that sf water ice soon. Kathy

Today has been crazy so far. It is the first day my oldest has off for summer vacation so the kids have been running around like madmen all morning.
They are doing some work outside our building so its noisy as can be.... all in all it is complete chaos here
I need to go tomorrow morning and get blood drawn. I've been experiencing severe fatigue and we aren't sure why.
I'm also noticing hair loss when I brush or comb my hair so this has me really upset.
I'm down 80lbs in 4 months which is really good but I wi**** were more. I have such a long way to go still.
I've been scarce as I've been down in the dumps and I hate to spread that on message boards where people come looking for encouragement and positivity.

I hope everyone has a great week!

"where people come looking for encouragment and positivity" you said it right there and that's why you should be on here - it's ok for you to feel negative - we all do at some point in our journey. Hopefully the blood work will show what's going on. The hair loss - well - many experience it at about the time you are.  Mine fell out by the handfuls from months 3 1/2 - 7.  It's not falling out as much now.  Make sure you are hitting your protein goals.  Some take biotin and says it helps - it did not help me in the least.  There are also special shampoos you can use. Bottom line, you will notice the difference much more than others will.  You will swear everyone can see it - but really, only you will tell how "bad" it really is. Your 80 pounds in four months is simply amazing.  This is a long journey for all of us.  We didn't gain the weight in 4 mos, nor will we lose it.  If you break it down - you are averaging 4 pounds a week CONSISTENTLY.  When was the last time you were able to do that on your own, every week for four months?  I know I was lucky if I lost 1 pound a week on "traditional" methods.  Sometimes it seems like it is going soooo slow, and then one day you turn around and say "holy moly, what happened and where did the time go??" Let us know what else we can do... Pam

Thank you for your words Pam
my hardest thing right now is I can see no difference
I can tell when I put on clothes
my face looks completely different
but I still see me the same size I was 4 months ago
and its devastating

I keep getting compliments on how well I'm doing and I smile and say thanks but my head just isn't there
I do see a therapist and this is something we work on so I am trying

its just a lot harder than I thought it would be

I'm my biggest downfall right now

I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 4/6.  94 pounds lost.  I don't see it.  I hold things up and say - hmmm - this will never fit.  And then they do.  I take clothes out of the dryer and think they have shrunk.  Nope, I have shrunk!  I see it in certain outfits - I see it when I look at old pictures, and have just recently noticed the change when I look at NEW pictures.  I still can't believe it's me in some of them. Jen is a year out and struggles with this issue still. People tell me all the time how "tiny" I am.  I gave scrubs to a nurse at work the other night - my small/mediums that didn't fit me.  She smiled and said "wow - they dont' fit you anymore? how awesome is that?"  Yea, it's awesome - just wish I saw it. I can feel it when I'm done with work - I don't walk like a cripple after my shift is done. It does suck - but we change so rapidly - it's to be expected.  Our brains have looked at us the same basic way for decades - and now - in a matter of months - we've changed. Pam

Hi Dana, Just wanted to offer you some words of encouragement.  Everyone has moments along this journey where we get down, it's part of the process and I felt it early on and then from time to time and I brought it here, shared it and got the needed encouragement/comfort that I was not alone in how I felt.  This is not just about being positive, life is not all up, so why should we feel that because we are in a "dark/sad/blah place" we need not participate?  Remember pain shared is pain lessened, it's called empathy and we all need compassion and empathy from time to time. As for the hair loss, well it starts around 4 months and can last until 9, or thereabouts, depending on the person.  It's a combination of the anesthia and shock your body is experiencing and the good news is, the hair does grow back.  Some folks take biotin supplements, there is a hair care system I use that helps, it's expensive, but it does work, Nioxin is what I use and you can buy it in Ulta.  I don't use the supplement because I understand it makes hair grow all over and since I'm at the menopausal stage of life, I don't need any help there (lol).  Get a nice new hairstyle, one that takes some of the stress off your hair follociles and gentlely massage your scalp each evening for about 10 minutes as it gets the blood flowing to the follociles (my spelling is off on this word, but oh well). Cyber hugs coming to you, Laureen

Hi Dana - we're so close in our surgery dates that I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I went thru this a week or so ago - really noticed my hairline - look like my old pappy and receding just as fast! I was also at a point where I thought I hadn't budged in weight and size and was wondering if I was doing all the right things. I try, but I'm human and make mistakes. I waited until the 16th (yesterday) since it was one month from my last Barix check-up and weighed myself and I had lost 16 more pounds - like Pam said - 4 lbs a week - I'll take that any day!! And all of a sudden I 'feel thinner' and I'm noticing it more. Your body is probably just adjusting to everything and the next thing you know you'll be dropping another size. Don't hide - we're all here for each other - ups and downs and good and bad. I wish I could make more support meetings but I can't, so I come here - and even if I don't post it helps me to read them to know I'm not alone in so many things.  We're your friends for life now, Dana - you can't just dump us!!  And if you're not around you know I'll come looking for you!! I hope your bloodwork turns out okay or is just a minor fix with some vitamins or something. The hair thing - well, like Pam said, we notice it on ourselves more than others notice it on us. My hairdresser gave me a new 'do' this time and it helps to hide a lot! Keep us posted and keep posting! Kathy