bad week

i am having a bad week so i thought i should seek out a place to vent. I never wanted this surgery to become who I am. The whole purpose was to be healthier and happier. To be able to spend time taking care of my kids. to be able to feel "normal". these days it seems like i feel worse than before. i have no evergy. i have to force myself to eat and dring and even then throw up half the time. maybe not half but more than i would like. i am sad most of the time. its miserable. i regret my decision a lot of the time and then i look at my saggy arm and think... what would i feel like if i was still that fat? i must have been more miserable then, right? i cant imagine i felt good. i cant remember the last time i felt good for an extended period of time. i was really hoping to be feeling better by this point. its great to be loosing so much weight. its fantastic th wear jeans and tie my shoes without holding my breath. i love being able to get stuff done around the house without sweating. i try to remind myself of all the good things but that sick sad feeling that washes over me usually every day seems to be to much at times. i am tired of being asked how much i have lost. i am tired of people talking about it, and tired of my husband not noticing enough(silly i know). i am tired of people watching what i do and dont eat. i am tired of work rewarding people with pizza parties or other "treats" i cant participate in. i am tired of being tired. thats the worst part i think. i just want to have the energy back. i used to have to stop and take a break when i was doing stuff but at least i could stay up past 9pm. now im lucky to make it until the kids go to bed. i am sleeping more than my toddlers. that seems like a problem. well, i guess my tantrum is over. i should go drink something... again. I am just hoping that someone else out there can understand and maybe give some advise. things were great the first couple months but i seem to have hit a wall. i know that i will push through it but really could use some support from people who understand. thank goodness for this web site! hope you are all doing well.

I'm wondering whether you may have some vitamin or nutritional deficiencies. I went through a huge crisis after surgery and found out I had deficiencies in several key B vitamins (they support your nervous system) vitamin K (blood clotting), and I am now on zoloft, which has helped me enormously to remain on an even keel. Do talk to your PCP about this possibility. I decided to supplement with the B vitamins on my own and my PCP endorse that decision and added b-12. I tried glucosamine for some joint aches and that made my blood sugar so wonky I was suspected of having diabetes. Fortunately, I do not. I also take protonix to reduce the stomach acid. I can't say whether any of this applies to you, so talk to your PCP. I can say that your experience sounds a lot like mine. tee

Hi Bridget! I can relate to most of what you have said. Today, I still hate eating. It's not actually that I hate it, it's that I hate that it's not as enjoyable as it used to be, you know? I mean, I used to eat a lot, with friends and with John and the kids. It's what my whole relationship with humans revolved around! Now, it's not. I just don't seek pleasure in food anymore. But, I've shifted my attitude to think, "Hey, that's a great thing that food isn't my world anymore!" I used to get sick a lot--almost every day for about four weeks after I started adding some solid food. I sure can relate with you about getting sick of getting sick. I learned that I can't eat when that's all I'm doing (that may not make sense). I can't sit alone in the dining room and eat dinner. I'll eat too much and end up getting sick. Now, I work on homework, spend time with the kids playing video games, or just surfing the internet AND eat. This allows me to eat only what I need to and still feel comfortable enough (not full) to do other things. I just prevents me from eating too much too fast. I'm not saying that's why you're getting sick so often, but it might be something to look at. I agree with Tee that you may be experiencing some vitamin deficiencies. What you're experiencing doesn't sound like a long-term normality. Check with your PCP or even contact your surgeon's office. When was your last set of blood work done? Perhaps it's time for a re-check...just to see if that's affecting the quality of life. I can understand how tired you are of your surroundings (Bridget and I work at the same place). It's so hard to walk up and down the building and see potlucks ALL OVER! Cookies, cakes, etc. (I definitely had an issue with sweets). I feel differently though. I surely can't expect my surroundings to change just because I had WLS. Also, I love that people ask me how much weight I've lost--it's a great opportunity to share my success with them. I'm very proud. Now, I know not everyone is like this--in fact, most are quite opposite. I'm just different. I'm glad that everyone else can enjoy their pizza, their potlucks, and birthday cakes (because just between you and me, they'll have to workout three times longer than we will to work off all those calories!). Contact your PCP to see how he/she can help you through this bump in the road. You'll feel much better Until then, good luck! Stay positive, and have faith that things will turn around for you! Charity

This board is full of wonderful supportive people that are always willing to lend a ear. Come visit often so your spirits can be lifted. If everyone is sleeping the day you need some cheering visit the main board, you learn so much from what others have experienced. It sound like you already got some great advise so I just wanted to say hello and any time you need us were here. Gail

Bridget, Thank you for sharing your experiance. I am about 6weeks from surgery and it is good for me to remember surgery doesn't "fix" everything. I will pray for you and know everything passes with time. Being tired makes it even harder to handle all of the life changes.

I'm sorry you are feeling so yucky. If I was so early out from surgery and was feeling so poorly, I think I would have turned to Dr. Hong as a starting point. Your body is going through such rapid changes and it is a good idea to check your levels and make sure everything is where it should be. He and his support staff work all the time with people who's bodies are going through this change, and I would think they would be a good place to turn to for advice. I also think the rapid weight loss can cause some real hormone fluctuations, and we all know the havoc that can wreak! I decided prior to surgery that I would hook up with a therapist, for whatever direction my feelings went during that year of rapid changes in my life. It was a great help to me, and I still am going. Getting help and support is a good thing. Our feelings and experiences are unique, and what you are feeling is probably not something your family or friends can relate to. You are taking care of little ones and working - enough to exhaust me just thinking about it. At some points I was more tired than normal, but it passed. I still go to sleep MUCH earlier than I did as a pre-op. I think it is because my activity level is so different now. Instead of being a couch potato staying up late eating, I am up early and busy all day long. It sounds like you are not having the energy during the day though - which could mean something is going on. It will not always be this way - I am confident of that! I did get tired of getting so much attention, but I rarely have anyone bring it up anymore. I felt very irritated/hurt sometimes with my husband. I felt like everyone else noticed way more than him. I don't know what that was about, but it has only been in the last six months that all I was expecting from him has come about. It is the best change of all and was worth whatever took him so long! Your not silly to feel what you are feeling and it might not even be your sensitive imagination, but give him and your surgery time. It will get better. Keep in touch with us. Patty