Please Help Me Understand

Hi Everyone, I am contemplating Gastric Bypass surgery. I have been reading these boards to help me decide. I see alot of problems as in struggling to stay on post op diet to exercising, depression, and not losing weight. I do not know what to think. If its all that hard to stick with or accomplish goals ....why have it than? I don't mean to sound flip,in fact I am sure many of you questioned the sanity of it your own self. So for those of you now in post op lets say a year later , would you do it all again? If no, why not? Can we even be truely honest with ourselves, and not let ego get involved? Please I promise you,I have amazing respect for your courage and especially if you do not have support,as is my case. I am a 52 woman ,type 2 diabetes, 95 # overweight,joint pain, leg and foot pain. can't sleep well, yada yada. My mother and grandmother both died by age 60 after geting leg amputated,they had type 2 also. My son has had type 1 since age 10. I'm scared. I have no one to talk to me. My husband does not support this, he feels I'm just being weak, and I shouldn't mess with God's plan. I am feeling so confused, not many can win a disagreement with him. I think I am going through menapause also. I lost my job as Asst manager of Barnes and Noble I was there a 4 years, but I can no longer walk nor stand for that long, I lost my dream job. I cannot support myself by getting a good job and my husband is thinking about leaving me. I feel very alone, all my family has already passed. I desperately pray for help. Did I mention I'm scared . No matter what I decide I will keep all of you in my prayers. Thank you for reading , Diana in Oregon

Diana - Your name is very familiar - have you been to our support group? If not, we are having a meeting today, Tuesday at 6:30 pm at the Smullin Center. Please come and unload some of that on us at the group tonight! If you come, just park at the parking garage and enter from that side. When you get through the side door, take a left and we are in the last or 2nd to the last room on the left. ****ep forgetting) Now, to answer some of your questions here in case you don't come, here is my take on this: We all have high expectations and it is hard not to compare yourself to others. I do this ALL the time. I took forever to get 100 lbs off....compared to other people my size. I'm running on the slow side. But the key is that I'm still losing. And the really cool part is that for once in my life, I weigh less than my husband. The question about whether I would do this again? In a heartbeat. In fact, I know of only one person I can think of *****grets having this surgery....and that goes obesityhelp.com-wide. I echo what someone else said - I think at my support group meeting: I would have this done every single year if I had to. That's the good. Here is the bad: We all know on an intellectual level that this is no magic potion. We know that we will stall. We know that our bodies have set-points they like to hang around at for long periods of time. We know all these things in our minds, but when it comes to losing the weight, it feels sometimes as desperate as it did before the surgery. The difference is that when you give up, your pouch doesn't. That gets us through the roughest points. Like when I was just a few weeks out of surgery and stalled for 3 whole weeks. That was emotional and terrifying. But my body just didn't like all that weight loss right then. So although in my previously dieting life I would give up and eat poorly perhaps, I was given this wonderful tool that did that work for me. I didn't like dumping, so I avoided those things. As for dumping, it's uncomfortable but for me it's not like the world is ending. I love that I dump. It keeps me toeing the line. Otherwise I really don't feel a whole lot different. I feel 100% normal 99% of the time. The thing is, after that honeymoon period, you start to realize what you already knew - that it would take some effort to continue to lose. For those who are pretty good dieters, it's probably no big woo. For those who are pretty lazy in that aspect, it can be a challenge because they will have to watch the calories more as the pouch expands. I know for me, I was a wonderful dieter before for years. I had the surgery though and it was pretty simple at first. I ate my protein first to keep that going but other than avoiding sugar and some carbs, I didn't find it much of a problem. Then as I could eat more, I started realizing I had to quit being lazy and actually pay attention to what I was eating. Anyway, this is long and I'll stop for now. I hope that helps a little. If you can't make Tuesday night's meeting, come meet with us on Thursday at Marie Callender's at 6:30pm for a little informal get-together. We meet every Thursday, usually at Maries. We'll give it to you straight and let you make up your mind from there! Dina

Wait a munite! Your husband thinks that having surgery for a health condition is against God's plan, but he would leave his wife and son? What happened to "until death do us part, or in sickness and in health?" You don't have to argue with your husband. You can make your own decisions. If you want to explore this surgery and you believe it will save your life, then you have to make an independent decision that may not be what your husband wants. If he does leave, then you will be in a much better position as a healthier person. Dina has given you a great perspective of the surgery itself. I agree with her. I would do it again in a heartbeat. You become like anyone else who has to watch your intake and live a healthier lifestyle. That's just the way life is. But, I urge you to get some counselling or some assistance with the difficulties you are having. If your husband does, in fact, leave it will likely be more difficult than ever for you to have this surgery. If you do it, do it while you still have the resources you have now rather than as a single mom with a medically fragile child. peace, tee

Tee reminded me of another point I wanted to make but rushed through last night while at work. Regarding God's plan: I left my surgery in God's hands. I sought it out in 2001 and boy did that door shut fast. It was one of those days when I went up for my consult that made it absolutely NO QUESTION that God was saying "no." I felt guilty then for continuing to think about the surgery when yet another turn at dieting failed for me. I both felt guilt, but also felt pulled to keep it in mind. Yet one thing was I made SURE I left it in God's hands. I could dream all I wanted, but I wasn't going to try to force my own will. I was thoroughly convinced that I was to not pursue this, so I just left it as a wishful thought in the back of my mind. Then last year we sold our house and moved into a new one. We had money left over from the deal that we socked away for a remodel. Then one day I got an email from an old friend. She was just sending out a note to everyone to let us know she wouldn't be answering her emails for awhile as she was going to Mexico with her sister who was having surgery. Being nosey, I asked what kind of surgery. I was quite surprised to find it was a gastric bypass. First, this old friend and I had not had contact with each other for about 12 years. We went to the same church before I moved. The first irony is that there was a small issue that came up that made me feel moved that I should call her. Well, as a result we ended up exchanging email addresses, thus the email she cued me in on. Well, after her sister's surgery, I spoke to her again and found that she was so impressed that she was going to go down and do it herself with this doctor (Dr. Aguirre). I happened to mention it to my husband and then one day he came to me and commented "You always talk about 'if' you lose the weight you'll be able to do this and that and you dwell on that. But yet you seem to be so focused on getting the house remodeled I wonder which would really make you happier? Would you rather be thin and be in the little bedroom we have, or would you rather remain fat and in a new master suite?" Well, that shocked me. I never expected my DH to be bringing that up. He wasn't pushing me, but he was questioning my own logic - and I'm glad he did. At that, I decided to go ahead and make an appointment with Dr. Aguirre. He was booked 4 months in advance and I figured I could always have plenty of time to back out. It felt like I needed to take that step though. As time drew closer, the more I questioned myself. I wondered if I was pushing my own will when I said I would not. I wondered if it was the right thing. Then after praying about it and lamenting that I didn't know if I was pushing too hard, for some reason I went over my old entries on my profile. That was when it hit me. It was a direct answer to my prayer. I had logged my previous attempts at having the surgery and then there it was - a one-liner that said something to the effect of "All I can do now is put this in God's hands and let him do his will." Once I saw that entry, it was like a huge thump up side the head! I had a true "duh" moment where I realized that I was worrying so much about pushing my own will through that I couldn't see when God was paving my path. Up to the moment I checked into the hospital I was aware that God could suddenly say "nope - not going to happen." I was okay with that. But it happened, and oddly enough this surgery I had the most peace with - and it was the easiest on me of all 3 of my surgeries. The trip, the surgery, the money (which we never have surplus of), the right place/time all came together in God's hands. So when it comes to your husband saying that you are doing something against God's wishes, he doesn't realize that his own faith is weak. God uses many ways to help us out. Just because we can't control our weight on our own doesn't mean that God wants us beating our heads against the wall for it...and failing all the while. Sure it would be great if we could all have enough strength to do it on our own and keep it off. But we are human and one of the best things we can do is show God how much we need Him. Once we admit we have no control, He will help us find a way to control the uncontrollable. Whatever method he uses to get us there is going to be varied. Some will do it solely with prayer and willpower. Others will do it with surgery. Letting God lead you on this goes both ways. If God leads you to surgery then your husband should be willing to have faith that it is the right thing. If you are led away from the surgery, then you know that at least for now, the answer is "no." Oh - and as a side note: I never knew why God didn't want me to have surgery in 2001 but always wondered. Well, this summer I found out that the doctor I was scheduled to see had his license taken away because of too many complications including deaths. I now look back and feel so fortunate that I didn't end up extremely sick or dead. God knew what he was doing....even if I didn't. Dina

wow, dina....that is quite a story. makes an old atheist (sort of) like me think there might be something to the whole notion of "god" or "providence"

dear Diana I just read your mess and i feel that having wls may not be in Gods plan as you said that may very will be BUT remember Gods grace is sufficient and if you need some help he will understand, and if you think you dont have support come to this website you will get support go the meetings they wi;; better help you understand wls.. Also you can email me anytime if you want to talk... ive felt like you feel before so i know howhard it can be ..