I'm not "a little heavy" or "large," I'm morbidly obese.

Hi All, I don't know when I'll have my surgery. I'm getting everything done. It has taken me all of my life to admit that I'm obese. I always thought I was a "little heavy," or "large," but never obese. But the truth is I'm morbidly obese. And saying it has really scared me, because all my health problems are related to my weight. I've gone up and down the roller coaster of weight loss. All I can say is Weigh****chers has made a lot of money off of me--but no more! I have a sweet husband(we've only been married since January, 2004) and he loves me no matter what. He thinks I'm a "hottie" as Brandi would say. I would say that about him, too. He is concerned about my health. Lately I've been doing a lot of crying and carrying on and my poor husband gets the worst end of it. I'm not really scared about the surgery itself, just giving up all that food that has been my friend(and worst enemy) for so long. All this is to say I'm not coping very well right now. I hope this will pass. Blessings to all, Roberta

It's a rude wake up call, huh? Like somebody calling you at 3 am, on your day off! I remember the day I found out I was morbidly obese, I walked around in a daze for the entire day, almost went into a bad depression. But I have come to terms with it, and am being pro-active. Stay strong, and get done what you need to get done. You go girl! Brandi

Hi Brandi, Thanks for your encouraging words. You stay strong yourself. I am getting closer to doctor's visit, then finding a date for surgery. My nerves seem to go on a roller coaster ride, because today I'm pretty calm, whereas yesterday, I was so nervous and scared. We all need all the help we can get. Thank you so much. Hugs and Blessings, Roberta

Hey Roberta! Yeah - Weigh****chers lifetime member here! Well, not anymore! They'd have a cow if they knew what I ate now! Just like you, food was my enemy. One bite of the wrong thing could land me in the hospital. Like the year I had ONE bite of my daughter's birthdake cake - and my blood sugars spiked through the roof. I had my DS twenty-five months ago - and I am continually in awe over the fact that food can be so FUN! I had no idea that the power - fear, loathing, attraction, etc - that it held over me would be so completely released. I guess I don't know how to adequately describe the amazing and incredible freedom that I experience now. Not just the being 200 plus pounds lighter - free of diabetes, hypertension, sleep apnea, gerd, wheelchair, chronic pain, chf - yes, all of that. But, just the ability to lead a life where my weight has nothing to do with what defines me. Oh - I can't forget to say this: I lived in Aloha when I had my surgery! I live in Beaverton now, so just up the road really. If you ever want to chat or get together let me know, okay? I'm happy to do so! Many blessings, dina BPD/DS July 2, 2002 Dr. Aniceto Baltasar in Alcoy, Spain SW: 365 lbs, BMI 64 CW: 160 lbs, BMI 25.8 GW: 130 lbs, BMI 23 Read my story at: http://www.duodenalswitch.com/Patients/Dina/dina.html See my photos in the Photo Gallery at http://www.bodybybaltasar.com/

Hi Dina, Your story is awe-inspiring. And you are so very gorgeous! Congratulations on your success. I want to be healthy, too. I have all those things you mentioned--high blood pressure, diabetes, you name it I have it--all weight related. The surgery itself doesn't scare me, it's the post-op that I'm concerned about. I wonder if I will do what I'm supposed to do--stay on track, write stuff down, exercise. I don't do those things now, how am I going to be able to do them post-op. I'm probably morbidly-morbidly obese, as I have around 175 pounds or more to lose. I've waited all of my life to be thin--before for vanity's sake, now for health's sake. I am learning to trust God and put things into God's hands. With my hands, and God's hands, what more could I ask for? I'm a lot calmer today than yesterday. Your inspiring story helped so much. Thank you. Peace and Blessings--Roberta

Roberta, You're a sweetheart. You know your statement has everything to do with why I chose not to have Lap-Band or RNY - I knew I was just too tired of having to have an option that required me to be the answer for my problem. I needed a surgery that was more than a tool - I needed a fix. The DS is that for me. I'll be honest - I haven't exercised more than a dozen times since my surgery. Granted - I used to be in a wheelchair, so anything I do now is over and beyond what I was doing then. But if my surgery relied on me doing the right stuff all of the time - well, it wouldn't have been the same happy story as it is today. I did track stuff at first - I had to learn how to choose enough of the right kinds of foods that are appropriate for my surgery. I used www.fitday.com for several months straight, then once I was getting a good handle on what I needed to do to get what my body needed, well, every once in a while now I'll go back and do a check-up to see how I'm doing. You're so right - it's not the surgery itself that scared me. It was the post-op lifestyle that concerned me the most. THIS IS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE you're talking about - and I'm just a wuss enough to want a surgery that accomodated me, not the other way around. I really knew the DS was for me when I started meeting further out RNY post-ops who had initially had their diabetes resolve, but after 5, 6 or more years down the line and some regained weight later had it reappear. I started reading some of the stuff that the American Diabetes Association was putting out, and came across this wonderful published clinical trial of surgeons who are doing the DS minus the stomach restriction portion of the surgery on non-MO individuals to cure diabetes. In fact, my surgeon is a part of that control group. So far, the overall cure rate on diabetes is 98%, for Dr. Baltasar's group - 100%. With my family history, and my own personal experiences with diabetes, well, I knew that was one thing I didn't EVER want to revisit! So who is your surgeon? What surgery are you pursuing? Blessings, dina

Dina - I never get to talk to you much - but I'm intrigued by our similarities that didn't just stop at our name. I almost chose the DS but couldn't afford it here in the states and was drawn to Dr. Aguirre in Mexico so I went with the RNY. Mine was a matter of being led by God, so I just went where he led me, and I have been blessed. But I was thinking originally that I would love to have the DS because I was so good at doing Atkins, I wouldn't have to give up all that luscious cream cheese! LOL! I really don't miss it and I don't feel affected by the RNY that I have now. I do dump sometimes but it doesn't bother me to dump. I think it depends on your outlook and what you choose to accept. I know there is more accountability with the RNY than with the DS, but I'm okay with that now. The one thing I was curious about was how many vitamins and suppliments you have to take. I think I understand you don't have problems with protein but that there are different vitamins that you have problems with (for DS in general)? I can't remember which ones. Maybe I have it backwards. Either way all I know is that I am sooooooooo bad at remembering my vitamins and only get them in about 4 out of 7 days (the days I work). I'm thinking this might be why God led me to the proximal RNY with Dr. Aguirre rather than the DS. I have heard that you have to be pretty diligent at remembering those. Are you good at doing this? Has it ever been a challenge for you? I think maybe what it boils down to with me is that what I ended up with ended up being right for me. I knew I wasn't good at taking pills, but boy it has been such a challenge for me that I realize now that the food and lifestyle are less of a problem for me than the vitamins are. But boy - I can certainly see why folks choose that. You have done so wonderfully with it and I really admire that you took stock of your lifestyle and went for the one that was going to give you the best long-term results. Many people will delude themselves into thinking they will be with able to stick to something when they find out they can't. That's the one thing about wls is that I think I was so intimidated by all the different procedures at first, and I suspect many others are as well. I tried to become well informed but it is hard when there are several different types of procedures with different risks and benefits. I think sometimes that it is best when people have to take almost a year (or more) to wait for surgery. Really gives you a chance to search out the info and choose wisely. BTW - I was also inspired by your story and still find it amazing that you are the same person standing there in her nightgown on the balcony of your hotel room in Spain! What a huge difference!!! Dina

Oh man, did that one ever hit me hard when it happened to me. For me, it came in a written MRI report. I swear, it isn't that I thought of myself as being only a little large because I knew for a long time that I was a very big woman, it was that the words seem so unkind and terribly judgmental of who we are rather than the shape and size of our bodies. I don't have any problem accepting that I have a big weight problem but to say that I am morbidly anything is nasty sounding. I accept myself as I am and I love myself...all of me so I don't accept that word. I am very heavy and I need medical help to deal with the wieght problem that I have but it is very negative to call me morbidly obese. Even the word obese sounds cruel. I see myself in a mirror on a regular basis and I know how heavy I am but I am not a nasty person nor am I some kind of beast or freak which is what those words conjure up. Even people who mean very well and want to be kind and caring don't always think about the words they use and what they do to those they say them to. Words are deadly weapons and should be used with great care. I use daily affirmations, and have for many years, to keep my focus on what is good and worthwhile about myself, maybe that would help you as you deal with the reality of being a large person. Hugs, Elaine

Roberta, You are so right....it's not easy to come to terms with that title. I always knew I was a big girl, but because I have a very active lifestyle and have always felt fairly attractive, despite my weight, I never really tied myself to that. I was just "big and beautiful". I've been fortunate that I don't have really serious complications due to my weight, but it's still a hard thing to admit to oneself. I agree....saying goodbye, for the most part, to an old friend that's been there whenever you needed it (food) is hard. But at 1 month out and 27 bls lighter, it's well worth it! It's not a permanent goodbye to the foods.....just the quantity! I am learning to be satisfied with moderation. In a year or two, I'll be able to have the items I dearly love, just in a much smaller portion. And, as a fellow WLS friend told me....your way of thinking changes. Sometimes, you just have to have it! At other times you easily say to yourself...two bites of that just aren't worth it, I'd rather have something more fulfilling. Good luck to you and I hope my rambling helps! Michele

Oh yeah - that morbidly obese really was offensive to me. In fact, for the longest time I flat out refused to get on the doctor's scale. The nurses hated me, but I just shook my head and said "just put down that the patient refused." And it went on for years like that. I was in major denial and didn't want anything to do with knowledge of my obesity. As for diets, I did Atkins and boy was I a faithful Atkid. I loved what it did for me health-wise, but I out-ate it and just couldn't lose past 265. That was when I knew it was time for the surgery! Dina