Warning: pitty party!!

Hi everyone, I just seen micheles response to sarah and asking if me and shelley fell of the face of the earth friday night... I didn't, but it sure feels that way... friday night turned out to be a total bomb... I ended up sitting at stanelys for an hour by myself. an older man sat down at my table and asked "so how late is he?"... I said, no actually I am being stood up by a group of women!! (but, gee thanks for pointing out that everyone in this place knows I am being stood up) The funny thing is "I" was going to cancel but then shelley called me to ask if I could meet everyone there as she was stuck in traffic and then she ended up getting sick and didn't make it either.. I was going to cancel out becuase I had a really horrible day and I was in a pissy mood.. and it hasn't gotten any better since friday.. can we say PMS x 100000........ TMI here so get ready.. LOL I have been on continous hormonal therapy (birth control pills) for my disease.. well, it's not working as well as it did pre-op.. so I decided to go off them for a while to see what the disease will do (it's hormonaly charged some how and with all the release of stored estrogen and what not I am thinking I need a kick in the other direction) so this is my first period in a VERY long time and not only am I having physical pain I am an emtional wreck too.. I literaly have cried all freaken week.. it feels like it did right after surgery.. sappy TV show's and I am bawling my eyes out, stupid songs and I am bawling my eyes out, my daughters choir concert last night and her best friend did a solo and totaly ROCKED so I am sitting there bawling with PRIDE and she aint even my kid.. a women I don't even know from the MB (paula a.k.a. momma angel) and I am bawling my eyes.. ok that one is a real reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but you know the feelings.. well at least all of you with ovaries anyway.. and while I am on my pitty party my birthday is sunday.. 37 yrs old.. need I say more? one more year has passed me by.. what a year it has been, but it's still GONE.. and then that makes me feel like a total asshole for "FEELING BAD" cuz I am having a b-day and paula isn't expected to see another day.. so then I beat the hell out of myself for having that feeling and I feel even worse and on and on and on... so that's where I have been... in hiding!! I hate me when I get like this. I don't want to be around me so I don't l like to subject anyone else to it either.. being a true gemini is hard enough in it's self.. "but a gemini who is PMS'ing" this bad... oh lord no!! a padded room is waiting for me some where... all this cuz I went "off" the pill.. good lord!! you could ask me if it's worth it but if you go to my web page and look at my hidradenitis page you'll see that "ANYTHING" is worth trying.. It's graphic, gross and extremly personal so be forwarned if you do.. so, no I didn't fall of the face of earth.. and I will be back to normal in a few days (god, I hope****il then I hope you guys are all doing great. I really want to try to set up another get together but not until I get my hormones in check.. maybe in a week or two. but I know it's gonna be difficult with everyone. it's summer time, school is out, vacations, family reunions, ect..ect.. ect.. but we will keep trying!!! good night all theresa

Hi Theresa, I want to personally apologize for not making it to Stanley's. I am so sorry..I had a bit of a crisis with Matthew and Eric left town for some contract work so I had no childcare at all. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's only normal to feel frustrated with all that is going on in your life. What a draining thing dealing with the other "illnesses" in your life. It's ok to cry, to get mad, to get sad etc. You're human, we all are. Don't hide to much....that is how depression sets in. I was thinking of having you guys to my house for food, wine, and hot tubbing. My house is good size.......would Thursday work for you? Love, TS

Awwww Sweetie! I am so sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it! I totally understand where you're coming from! I get messed up like that sometimes too...and also being a fellow Gemini, I know how emotional "we" can get! Just remember to take care of yourself and like Theresa S. said, don't hole up too much or for too long. It's not good for anyone, and especially when things don't seem to be going well....reach out to us! And again, I too am very sorry I wasn't able to be there Friday. I had wished at the time that I had someone's cell phone # to call and let them know. Anyway, I'm here for ya and I know everyone else is too! I understand if you're not up for Thursday, but be sure to be good to yourself in the meantime! Hugs, Michele

Thanks michele, I actually am already starting to feel better.. it's amazing once you write something out how much it helps. I really wasn't all that upset that people didn't make it.. I was more upset that the older man sat down and pointed it out.. LOL on a positive note I didn't "die" by sitting some place in public alone.. always been a huge fear/phobia of mine.. people staring at me. now if I could just "eat" in public by myself.. wow, huge step that would be!!! nope, not gonna happen any time soon... LOL I might be up for a glass of wine at theresa's house but I dont think I am up for bowling.. (both suggested thursday night) so which one might you go to? thanks for understanding my emotional break down and giving me much needed support.. talk to ya later theresa