What kind of person will you be?

We sound alike in that you and I both want to be nice to people, but I do get angry when people mistreat others....and lately myself as well. That's probably what got me to thinking about this subject. As for eccentricities - I'm all for it! We all have our own and that is what makes things interesting. I don't want to do what everyone else does just because it's normal. Not that my life is that abnormal, but I like to think that I'm pretty darned unique! Dina

yes we are all different.. I tell people that I am practicing being eccentric and they tell me that I am already there.. I tell them no.. practice makes perfect.. if every one was the same it would be pretty boooooorrrrrrrrrrinnng.. well that is one womans opinion.. I just try to be the best I can be every day..that is all .. I just hope that I succeed.

Your timing is impeccable, Dina. I've been mulling over these types of questions for some time now. I have to say that, although I'm not "mean" or "cruel", I find myself on the dark side of this topic. Firstly, I want to say that I think we all overcompensate for our perceived "faults" in some way or another. When I say "we", I mean everyone; no matter what their physical stature. In my particular case, I tend to overcompensate for the fact that I am obese by attempting to portray myself as a really gregarious, intelligent, fun girl. I would go out of my way to make sure people KNEW that I was a smart, stylish, and happy girl, hoping to divert attention from my appearance. What I mean to say is that I felt I had to aggressively set forth myself as a cool, intelligent, fun, kind person in order to get people over the fact that I was incredibly fat (I don't mean to imply that I considered myself unworthy of friendship, because I certainly did not). Of course, this is much clearer in retrospect. Although I am cognizant of this sort of behavior now, I haven't always been. The more weight that comes off, the less compelled I am to impress the people I am around. It is becoming less and less important to me to go out of my way to assert myself as a person worth knowing or befriending. I would not go so far as to say that I have become "mean" or "cruel", but I'm certainly not as over-the-top bubbly as I used to be. I have definitely mellowed. I don't think this is a negative thing. I feel a sense of liberation and content. As for the behavior towards those that remain severely or morbidly obese: I can say that I feel a very deep sense of conflict. My life is an amazingly happy one. I have only one friend that I can really talk to about how COOL life is (besides my awesome husband). I wish I could celebrate my happiness and liberation with all my friends, but I simply can't. I had a very long discussion with one of my best friends last weekend about this very thing and she was expressing that she feels a deeps sense of "unfairness", or "jealousy". I have often felt very awkward celebrating and being excited about my weight loss around those of my friends that remain obese and are unsuccessfully dieting. I am starting to feel sense of intense irritation brewing. To be perfectly honest, they are becoming killjoys and I find that I am not spending as much time with them and finding other things to do and happy people to hang out with, and I am beginning to feel angry that they aren't giving me "emotional permission" to be happy. I'm sure that sounds really harsh and selfish, but they are my honest feelings. I guess I say all this to bring home a point: I believe this whole subject of change is much more complicated than just "fear". I think people who undergo WLS and lose weight successfully...then go on to become "mean" or "cruel" could very well be experiencing much more than we could ever know. I don't think ANY of us want to change in such a way that we become "mean and cruel". Among those that we perceive as mean and cruel, I refuse to believe that any of them wake up in the morning and say "I'm gonna be mean and cruel today". I think we're all just muddling through this trying to be happy and make the most of life in a meaningful way. Until we die, we will always be changing. WLS is a life-changing event. We can expect that each individual will handle this change in different ways. Although we may not like someone's attitude, they still need support; they still need understanding; and they still need a forum to express their thoughts and feelings. It's my hope that I will be able to see myself clearly and keep myself in check. I don't want to become abrasive and offensive, I want people to feel as good about life as I do. However, I am moving on with my life. I'm not going to stay in the same place emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. I may go through some fire, but I'm not staying put. And...I'm going to celebrate. Those who cannot celebrate with me will be missed. Onward, my friends! -Mary P

Mary - Wonderful post and eloquently put! I can see what you are saying about your killjoy friends. I too would be put off by being around those who weren't allowing me to be happy about this. I hope it doesn't happen with those I am friends with now, and I don't suspect it will, but one never really knows until they get there. I think it's interesting to see the changes people go through. I take from you that you have given this a lot of thought and my perception, whether it be right or wrong, is that you probably aren't the type to be cruel or mean. But some people I've encountered on these boards have been at times. I see two things happen. I see people open up and grow - metamorphasize into the well known butterfly. Then I see people who grow discontented over any various reasons and take it out on others. I also see, as I have said before, that some people seem to take it out on others because it's almost a rebound effect....a kneejerk reaction that they want nothing to do with this former life, and anyone *****minds them of it is subject to that attitude. Certainly it doesn't apply to everyone, but I do think it applies to many here. I think the thing is we have to realize that we all come here with different reasons why we are fat. Some would have us believe that everyone who came to this place did so out of emotional damage, bad habits or both. When the fact remains that some of us are seriously emotionally damaged from life-experiences, some of us grew up with bad habits, some of us have endocrine disorders, some of us had a compilation of all of them, and some of us had time to cope with these issues before surgery and have a better handle on it than others. My need I think is to look at it from all angles so I can better prepare myself for what is about to happen to me. I want to be ready, and I want to face it head on and get the rough stuff out of the way and move on....as I'm sure we all do. Thing is, some people never are able to put it in words or concrete thoughts, and sometimes I think those are the ones who tend to gain their weight back. Boy, I do not want to go down that path if I can help it. Dina

you and mary are THINKING way to much... LOL then you make me think and that's NOT a good thing.. LOL trust me it's not good to make a dumb blond "THINK".. it can actually HURT my head. now where is a good dumb blond joke when ya need one.. LOL heheheheheheehhe just in a silly mood today theresa

Dumb blonde joke -you asked for it! A blonde gets pulled over for speeding. The cop, also a blonde, asks the driver for her license. The driver pulls out a mirror, see's her reflection and thinks that is her license. She promptly hands it to the officer. The officer, quite peeved by now after looking at the mirror hands it back to the lady and states "Well, you could have saved us both a lot of time if you had just told me you were a cop!!!" Dina - bottle blonde....artificial unintelligence...

Why do blondes put TGIF on their shoes? ;-D To remind them......Toe Goes In First How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her to sort her M&M's into two piles....one for the M's, the other for the ones w/W's on them! I'm with ya Dina! Bottle blonde since 16! Of course.......there's only ONE way to tell a natural blonde! Ugh! Sorry.....I'm in a mood today, lol. Dina.....how do you keep a blonde in suspense........tell ya tomorrow! BTW...I did go reddish for a short time. The guy I was going out with said that when I was blonde he thought I was sorta DITSY....but with the darker hair he said I was just fun! It's all perception! Michele

Oh man! Look at all these gems I missed out on! Guess I need to make sure I read down the line more often! Dina

thanks for the joke.. sorry I couldn't respond earlier.. I love the artificial unintelligence.. LOL.. that is toooooooo funny!! theresa

Ahhh, well feel free to use it! Dina