Coming out from under my rock.....

Well, my funk is starting to lift, but now my weakness and sore muscles have returned. I took 2 potassium (OTC) this afternoon and another b1. Hopefully that will shore me up. I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck. Part of what put me into the funk is my huge stinking pouch. I did the cottage cheese test twice and discovered that I have an 8 oz pouch at only 2 months out. It was 4 oz from the starting gate. It alarmed me then but I figured I'd live with it okay. Well, I didn't expect it to relax quite this much this soon. I don't over eat and I watch WHAT I eat (doesn't mean I haven't had a couple bad things on a rare occasion, but generally I'm a good girl). So all this got me into a huge funk. I was depressed that this will be a botched job for me. I had to mull it over for awhile and came to the conclusion that an 8 oz pouch is much better than what I had before and that I *can* work with this. I just have to be smart and conscientious about it. I had to also ask myself some hard questions: Would I rather have too big a pouch or too little. Would I rather have a stricture or an enlarged stoma (not sure I do, just supposing what if's). Hard questions to answer, but generally I guess I would rather be as I am. I am still able to control my portion sizes and although the weight loss is slow, I can still get it off a hell of a lot easier than before surgery. I can only suppose my anatomy during surgery caused my pouch to be stapled a little larger than most. I would expect there are landmarks surgeons look for on the stomach rather than cutting willy nilly. Perhaps I just had something that was in the way for a smaller pouch. I really can't go back to my surgeon as I went to Mexico, but I don't blame my doctor. He has a stellar track record and I happen to be an anomoly compared to his other patients I speak to. I just wi**** was more normal. However, I can name a couple of things that are good about my pouch size - which is why I'm trying to count my blessings. One is that I don't get head hunger. Two goes with one in that I can have enough of a meal to enjoy the experience while I am eating. I don't take 2 bites and get full but wish I could eat more. I am ablel to satisfy my mouth and stomach. And who knows - in the long run maybe I won't have as many vitamin and mineral issues. So that is why I have been in hiding lately. I just didn't feel like going over it again and again. I tried posting on the message board for the patients of my surgeon but I'm pretty much being ignored by most. This hurts my feelings...probably just because I'm hormonal, but still....to take the energy to post it and not get a little "sorry you're going through this" really stinks. Shouldn't have wasted my energy there. Sorry if I sound moody. Guess I still am to a degree..... Dina

Dina sweetie.. I will never every ignore you .. in fact you would be amazed how much I value you.. for you kindness and understanding. and for the fact that you never ever ignore me.. sometimes I write here on the boards and get no response.. but that is okay .. there are some people that actually talk to me.. You are one of the first people here that made me feel less lonely.. less like I was having to do this all alone.. and for that I am and will be always eternally grateful if you ever need to talk to someone I have been told I am a good listener.. and if you want my Phone number .. just let me know.. I really am here for you if you need me.. lots o hugs Renee

(((Renee))) I could just write what you wrote back....but I'll just say "ditto" to everything you just did! Dina

Dina, I am a watcher of the boards, I don't reply because I haven't had surgery yet and am trying to soak up all the useful information and prepare myself for the ups and downs of having surgery. I have been lurking around here since about January and have noticed that you are always willing to help out other members with kind words of encouragement and answers if you have them. I appreciate you being so active on the boards and are coming out from under your rock. Hang in there, 40 lbs in two months! Being pre-op, I could probably gain 40 lbs in two months! Oh wait I have gained 40 lbs in two months right after I had lost 30 lbs in 3 months. Keep your head up and know that you are an encouragement for many of us watchers. Amy

Amy - Thanks so much for your reply. I can absolutely relate to the quick gains and rebounding from diets. Can't we all? Looking forward to seeing more of you on the boards! Dina