I'm a newbe, know that I want the surgery, but now afraid I'll fail!

Hi- I'm one of those people that didn't have too much trouble with weight until I got pregnant, then all H___ broke loose. In high school I was considered a normal weight (but all girls want to be skinnier :~) ). Then off to college and the freshman 10# turned out to be freshman 30#, I was then 5'5" and 149#, I felt like a beach ball with arms and legs ( If I only knew what lie ahead!). I lost about 15# the rest of my college carrier, and went to work as a teacher. I started loosing weight slowly, without trying, I still ate like a horse. After 4 years I was down to 120# and my friends thought that I looked like a boat refugee, I felt great. Tons of energy, really happy, confident, evewrything was right with the world. Met my husband to be and got married 15 months later, and I swear that when I said "I do" I was pregnant---that's all she wrote. I started gaining a few months after the wedding and gained 60# the last 6 months of my pregnancy, and delivered my daughter at 180#, and I thought that was bad. I didn't loose any of that weight and 2 years later became pregnant with my son, and gained another 20#, managing to just keep it under my "tonage limit of 200#), (I'm sorry if I am offending anyone, as I know that my weight problem doesn't compare to many of you that are dealing with much more serious issues with your weight, and I am thinking of you each time I read your bio's, as you wait for surgery to release you from this jail sentence). Anyway back to my story. I think that after my 1st child, I had minor post-partum depression, but after my son's birth it hit me HARD! And I have been suffering from major depression ever since (he just turned 12). I have seen many different Psychiatrists, been on many meds, but just manage to keep my head above water. I have never been a "fad" dieter, as my sister is a dietition and has pointed out (as we all know) that they just don't work. But, my husband has tried lots of diets, with the "lost it gained it and more" tradition, then he went on Jenny Craig, lost a bunch of weight, so out of desperation I tried it. I was so looking forward to my first "check in" to see how much I had lost 5#, 10# ( I know it is only water weight and that they count on you gettng all psyched up over that to come back for more of the miricle cure)---didn't loose a pound, went the second week and increased my excersise (I DID NOT CHEAT), gained 3#'s. I then found out that one of the antidepressants I was on made it practically impossible to loose weight, I gave up. I couldn't stop the medication as the telephone poles were looking really good when I would drive by them. Well that was about enought to put me over the edge and I quit. I stayed about 200# until about a year ago (7-8 years later total), then I shot up another 40# in about 6 months. I had heard years ago about having your stomach stapled, but didn't like the risks invoved. Then just receintly I have seen more and more success stories in the news and decided to reseach it further. I really like what I have discovered. Now for my concerns--- -has anyone been on several antidepressants, and had trouble loosing? My Dr. is taking me off of some of the meds I'm on, and going to add different ones that don't have as much weight side effects, we'll see! -I am realistic that loosing weight is not going to solve my depression problems, and don't really think that the surgery will send me into a "tail spin" as I had a complete hystorectomy/bladder repair and was totally fine, afterwards. Or is it the surgery that causes the depression, or the WEIGHT surgery itself? -I like what I hear that peoples "tastes" change and that foods that they once loved, are not so great anymore. Because, unfortunatly I love fatty foods, ice-cream (the good stuff, non of this ice milk stuff), rib-eye steak, mayo, cheese cake...you get the picture. I am afraid that (because of the depression) I have ZERO will power. -will I not like this stuff anymore? HOPING! -will I get sick from it, therefore it will be a turn off (I love ham, but it HATES me and gives me terrible stomach cramps, diareaha for 1/2 hour) so I just avoid it, even if I would really like to have some the concequenses are not worth it. -I would love some inspiration. -I love riding dressage and have just got a new very cool horse, but don't want to ride, because it is hard on my ankles and knees. It's really hard getting on the horse even with a mounting block, and I'm afraid to fall (the bigger you are the harder you fall), even though I have fallen lots and not gotten seriously hurt. I need to be in better condition to ride him as he is a much bigger mover than my quarter-horse, and I tier out so easily. -Then I have two children (12 &15 that I can't keep up with) I don't like going shopping, for anything, groceries, clothes ( I hate buying things that look like they were made by Omars Tent & Awning) -I don't have any energy to clean my house (and I stay home, I'm on disability for my depression), I get done what absolutly HAS to get done, laundry, dishes, feed the horses. I don't know if it is the depression or the weight (probobly both). -And seeing pictures of myself is the worst, my mind still sees me at 120#, 'till I look in the mirror or at a picture. YUK! -I guess my biggest fear is that I will have the surgery and I will still love the foods I do now and I will gain it all back and be a failure. -I'm also afraid that because of my depression history I will not qualify for the surgery as a greater risk factor (my other comorbids are, sleep apnea, I'm on a CPAP machine, hypertension, high cholesteral (controlled by meds), BMI is 40.6 ( I realize that I am concidered a "light weight") but I am still at risk, and with heart desease on both sides of my family it is really a concern. Can anyone tell me what some of the reasons patients that wanted a DS but had an RNY instead. I would like the DS, based on what I have read, but see that few are done. Is that because of insurance? Current heath of the patient, if so what were some of the conditions that prohibited the DS and required the RNY? Well, I have my informational lecture scheduled for March 22,(it's 4 hours away) my husband is going with me as he too would like to have the proceedure as soon after I do, that he can. Some of these questions might be answered then, but if anyone can answer some or all of them I would greatly appretiate it. Waiting is not my long suit (better get used to it soon HUH!) My hope is that if I loose the weight I'll have more energy and at least feel a little better about myself, get out of the house, ride my horse more often, I've joined the gym (sad to say I don't want to loose any weight right now, and possibly not qualify for the surgery :~( ), but plan on starting as soon as I have a date, so that I get into better shape to go through the surgery better. Well I've taken up mose of the space on the internet. Any words of wisdom, or encouragement are HUGELY welcome. I live in E.Oregon on 10 beautiful acres at the base of the Blue Mountains, with my husband, 2 kids, 4 1/2 horses (baby due in April), 2 dogs, and 4 cats. Thank you for this site, it has been a huge help to my husband and me in our research into this surgery. We both feel that it is necessary for us to raise our kids. Julie

Julie - lots of questions there and I'll try to answer what I can for you. Take it for what it's worth though. I am just over 1 week away from surgery, so some of my answers will be based on what I've read and researched - NOT based on personal experience (i.e. after surgery stuff). First - re: Fad dieters. I don't know what you consider a fad diet, but I am getting a slight feeling Atkins is on your list of fad diets. Well, if it is, get used to it not being that way because your diet after surgery will very much emulate Atkins but with less fat. I would recommend one thing though: Think about what your perceptions of dieting are. If you haven't the energy to do this, great - I would say pursue the bypass. If you are avoiding things like Atkins because you think it's a fad, consider what risk surgery is. You will both have major surgery AND follow a low-carb plan. Many people do find great success with Atkins, so take that for what it's worth. I loved Atkins but was a slow loser (I have PCOS and metabolic resistance). I lacked stamina after I had my son and couldn't keep my eyes on the prize. So - back to the bypass. I suspect you have made your mind up and if so, that's great. (I have NOTHING against this surgery. Just want to make sure I present all angles.) I too considered the DS, but the doctor I am seeing in Mexico (self-pay) does not do the DS, so I will get a reg RNY. The benefits of DS are that you have fewer side effects such as blockages and strictures, and you have a fat malabsorption which causes you to have a greater chance of long term success. The drawback is the vitamin malabsorption. I have read of cases of regular RNY's having a problem with vitamin and mineral absorption to the point of having to be on IV drips for supplimenting iron and such (see http://www.mygasticbypass.com for more on one case of it). So knowing that even though there shouldn't be a great malabsorption for regular rny's yet sometimes it still happens with certain people, it's a good thing to be aware of and be prepared for. With a DS you have to be prepared to work closely with a doctor for the rest of your life. So if you are an explorer who may end up stranded on a deserted island, it might be contraindicated! As for the depression and meds, I can't really speak to that very well. I know some meds mess with weight loss. I would just work to get off those and on to something else. Sorry - not much help there. As for tastes changing, I'll find out soon enough myself, but I have heard this as well. I have also heard that about 6 months out many people get their cravings back. I think this could be due to several things. Some people will venture out as they feel better and try things they shouldn't - like sugar. Once you have gone sugar free you quit craving it. I experienced this each time I was on Atkins. But once you go there again, you start craving again. Also, you have a stomach that has been surgically altered. It would stand to reason that much like pregnancy, you are not going to be finding too much that sounds good for awhile. Then you have the ghrellin factor. (I think that is how you spell it). Dr. Mirande in Klamath Falls explained that ghrellin is a hormone they found recently that is responsible for hunger. They also found it is produced in the upper part of the stomach - right where they cut into. So he suspects the surgery inhibits ghrellin production. He emphasized that it hasn't been determined for sure yet though. After about 6 months I hear a lot of people talk about wanting to eat little treats and goodies. I know that the swelling goes down on the stomach and it allows you to eat more - up to 4 oz or so on a regular rny. Just the fact that you *can* fit more in might make you ready to try things you used to crave. Hard to say. I have read a TON of profiles and researched it as best I can, and what I have found is that the people who fail most often are the ones *****fuse to try to follow the eating plan set up for them. It's not hard to do, but some people purposefully do the opposite. Like one girl who had the surgery was lamenting her weight loss but admitted she drank a LOT of juice, ate chips and sugary treats often throughout the day. In addition she drank a lot. Well, that's a direct and purposefully sabotage, IMO. She wanted to keep from losing. As for depression precluding you from getting surgery, I don't think that is an issue as much as major dysfunction (like the girl who was intent on not losing). A vast majority of those seeking wls are depressed. That's not going to disqualify you from getting the surgery. If you have a disorder that causes you to want to gain weight and you come out as a person who is noncompliant, THAT would likely be a red flag. You are right to not expect that wls will make your life all roses and daffodils, but still yet, many people do find they are happier because they are able to conquer this beast once and for all, and they are able to do the things they once loved doing but quit doing because of their weight. That will be me. I will be THRILLED once I am able to physically do all the things I once loved. Hope that answered some of your questions. I know it was long also! LOL! I also lived in E. Oregon when I was a kid/young adult as I grew up in the Grant Co area (Prairie City, Dayville and John Day). Dina --who's arms are tired from reaching to type on this ****eyed sitting laptop!!!