Four Months Out

Hey everyone - Well, it's fall, and I am finding myself back on the computer.  I have spent most of the summer either outside or  hanging out with family.  I only wished I could tell you all of the exciting things that have happened to me since May 25th (my surgery date).  I've had some problems, but nothing life threatening, nor anything that was major.  I still have a few times a week that I either eat to fast or eat something that doesn't set well with me.  However, I can still tell you that I have absolutely no regrets in having this surgery.  I can't think of even one time that I felt like I wished I wouldn't have had it. Yes, I throw up at least twice a week (usually caused from something I did), and yes, I sometimes wished I could eat something that I know I shouldn't.  Yes a good ole hamburger (the whole thing - not just 1/4th of it) sounds pretty good, but I don't eat more than I need.  What does feel good are these big ole baggy pants that I have been wearing.  They are the same pants that I squeezed myself into 70 lbs ago!  I mean 4 months ago...which is the same as 70 lbs ago!  Today I hit the 70 lbs mark.  Can you believe it - 70 lbs in 4 months!!!  I can't believe it.  It seems unreal. Okay, now the weird side of the situation.  I am really needing to go to a support meeting.  Why, you ask?  Well, I still have "fat head syndrome."  You know, that thing that goes on in your head that when you look in the mirror, you can't see that you have lost any weight.  My friends all ewwe and ahhh and tell me I have lost so much weight, and my clothes are all too big for me, but when I look in the mirror, I see that same old fat person that I have always seen. Does that ever go away?  Will I ever be able to see the new me?  I know I still have over a 100 lbs to lose, but 70 lbs is a lot, and I just don't see it being gone.  I haven't taken any new pictures of me, and maybe that would help.  I'll see if Al will help me tomorrow get some pictures. I am just starting to lose some hair - but it doesn't seem to be too much, just enough that I notice it.  As an ex-hairstylist, I am aware that hair loss is really part of having major surgery, no matter what kind it is.  I am still struggling to get and keep down the vitamins.  They all seem so big to me, and it's all I can do to choke them down - and usually they come right back out without me even thinking about it.  The protien drink that I loved so much?  Well, I can't gag it down.  I don't know why.  It just seems like it has this chemical taste to it that I can't stand.  So, I am really working at eating my 6 meals a day and I am really good about drinking all of my water also.  I dont' know what I would do without Crystalite! Now, for the other part of my life.  For the past 5 years it was all I would do to leave my home, other than to go garage saling with my two best friends.  However, since the weight loss, my husband and I bought a fifth-wheel trailor and we have been camping all over Oregon and Washington (what better way to get out and get some exercise walking), and I still go to garage sales, but the very coolest thing that I did was go to a collector's meeting where I was able to give a talk about collecting vintage jewelry!!!  I want you to know that I felt good about myself - enough to present my jewelry, and talk with confidence. This is ME that did this!  I did it without being upset all day long, or being nervous, or feeling insecure!  It amazes me that a little bit of weight loss could give me more confidence in myself, and that I can leave house without feeling like the whole world would be making fun at the fat woman! Finally, the other amazing thing that has happened to me is that I no longer use the wheel chair, or walker, and I haven't used my cane for months.  I feel like getting up and getting things, cleaning my house and taking care of my personal hygiene all by myself.  I have some pretty serious pain issues, but I haven't had to take pain medication or anti depressants since the surgery. So, that's the update.  I hope that it is encouraging to others who are thinking about having some sort of weight loss surgery.  I know it's not all roses, and wonderful.  For me, though, the good far out-weighs the bad, and my only regret is not having this surgery sooner! I'll try to update my pictures tomorrow if my husband will help me out.

Congratulations!
Another thing that might help, is that for myself to wear clothes that fit, go look in a full length mirror, now bunch your shirt up from behind, so that it huggs your body..... Looks pretty good dos'nt it! ;-) we start getting some definition and curves, not just ripples and blobs! 
Just flip thru a bunch of other peoples before and after (inprogress) pictures and you will find yourself yelling at them "go shopping, you are covering up your hard work with those baggy clothes!"
I am speaking from abit of a happened to me, was up to over 300 lbs, started on Byetta for my diabetes, one of its side effects is weight loss, well I dropped 43+ pounds in about 2-3 mos, MIL bought me some new clothes (made me) and as soon as I started wearing them all kinds of compliments! And, I could see it also! Did wonders for my self esteem!
Good luck, and a I read somewhere the otherday it takes awhile (correct me someone if I am quoting the wrong amt of time,) but something like 2 years for your body perception to change, so just know it is a process like everything else.... 
WAY TO GO!!!
Laurie

Congratulations Gayla!  It sounds like you have made an amazing transformation.  Do get some pictures taken - I'll bet you see a big difference.  I'm so happy for you!  We'll have to have another support meeting soon -- probably early-mid October.  I'm at quilt shows for the next couple of weekends. Linda

Fantastic!  What an inspirational story......I too don't use my cane any more, I feel so liberated. AND you've  just begun the journey!

WOW Gayla, all kinds of positive changes....the weight loss is fantastic. I think what is even greater is you being able to get up in front of a group and talk about your vintage jewelry without sweating it.  That is huge.  You must gained a lot of self confidence,which to me is fantastic!  Good to hear that you enjoyed your summer....I was thinking about you the other day and was wondering, but remembered you said you were gonna be pretty busy this summer.  Hope to see you at the next meeting!   Would love to see some updated pictures! 

I've gotten a lot of positives from my friends and family, and I think that with only 70 lbs off, that people treat me differently, and maybe that is why the improvement in confidence.  No matter what it is, I am happy.  I feel like a human being again.  I can function - that is more joyful to me than I could even imagine!  To think, I was really seriously considering not doing anything about my weight...because after all, I was sure I would fail at it!   This was just the ticket to saving my life....I can never thank the people here on OH enough.  I could never thank Dr. Deveney and his staff enough either.  I'll get on those pictures as soon as I can!

Pictures would be nice Gayla---lets see 'em!      Julia

Hey Gayla,  I wondered where you were.  Glad you have been out having fun.  I am impressed that you gave a talk at a collector's meeting.  How great---from a woman who didn't really want to come to that get together at Kim G.'s to giving a talk.  You have come a long ways as you know---now just get rid of the baggy pants and look in the mirror!!!   You missed a fun time at Linda's a couple of weeks ago.   See you next time I hope.   JULIA

Yes, Julia, you are ever so right!  I so remember crying all the way to Kims house, because I really didn't want to go, was so embarassed of who I had allowed myself to become, and so fearful of what I was about to do.  The transformation even amazes me!  Ha Ha!  I am looking forward to the next support group meeting.  I hope that I find out about it in time to go.  Julia, you were one of the people who continued to support me while I was trying to get to the point of making a decision about this surgery.  So, thank you too!  Thank you for being so supportive.  I hope that in some small way that I can be equally as supportive to others who, like me, needed some support!  It would be the least I could do!  See you soon!

Gayla, I am so glad to hear that things are going so well for you. I am sorry to hear the struggles but we all know those are going to be there and they are a part of post surgery life. Congrats on the weight loss and all of your new found confidence!  I am so happy for you. The "fat" syndrome you talked about, I still have it 96 pounds and 10 months later.  I am not sure it will ever go away.  Maybe if I have some plastics down the road I won't see all the saggy skin and it will be better.  Don't get me wrong, I do notice that I have lost weight but not as others do.  It will help to wear clothes that fit.  That does make a big difference.  Not to mention the kick you will get by buying the clothes in a size that you haven't worn in years!  Do some shopping, it will let you know how much weight you have lost. congrats and I can't wait to see some pics! Keep up the great work! Tara