You know you've had Gastric Bypass Surgery When.........

You know you've had Gastric Bypass Surgery When......... * "I have a date" does not mean you're going out. * You have baby food in the house and no baby. * Saying "I'm a loser" is a good thing. * "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death. * New clothes fall off in a week. * You get excited about hand me downs. * The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please". * "Jus****er for me please". * When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches". * When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club. * Other women are calling you names behind your back. * When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there". * When you really don't have a thing to wear. * You have to prove you are the person on the driver's license. * You start being in the pictures - not behind the camera. * You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card. * You are never parted from a bottle of water * When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal. * When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder. * When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door. * You truly are a "cheap date". * When one drink makes you flipping floozy! * When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound. * Vitamins feel like a meal. * You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?" * You can cross your legs... both of them * Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra * When your obsession from food turns to your scale. * They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile. * No more Velcro shoes * When your Stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables * your mother says "You don't eat enough" * When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this." * Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him. * You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire * You safety pin your underwear * Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress * Cannot blame the cat/dog for shedding * Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card * 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase * The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god...did she die???

These are funny Darla. I have seen this before but don't remember a lot of the ones listed here. Did you add to it?? Julia

Nope, no additions. This was my first time to see it and wanted to share since I thought it was knee-slapping funny

So sorry that I missed you yesterday, I had a great time and thank you so very much for getting this started at Elmer's, that I missed. I plan on being at our next one, hope to see you there, but I will see you at our meeting on the 28th, I think I have lost some more weight, I am not far away from onederland, my scale is so very whacking that I just dont know for sure. Chrisy

Chisy, I am sorry I missed you too. I got there a few minutes after 2 p.m. I am glad you had a good time. I had told Kim to expect you. See you on the 28th and you should be in onederland by then!! Julia

I love this Darla and it is ohhhhhhhhh so true. Chrisy

Those are a hoot! Thanks for sharing. Shirley

Geez Darla I about had an incontinence issue laughing so hard. The nipple thing hit a little close to home. :0)

So glad you enjoyed it!! See you soon; counting down the days. Darla