the application, the inspiration

We got our applications in the mail, and I started filling them out. I got to that question about why I want the surgery, and how it limits me socially. I know it does, but I have never named them in writing, which makes it so real.... can't fit in an airplane seat, can't ride a ride at the amusement park, can't get up off the floor (so therefore can't sit on the floor with a gathering of friends), can't buy clothes at a regular store, on some toilets it's even hard to reach around and wipe. Can't hardly tie my shoes. Hard to even buy gym clothes. Can't take the stairs with friends (or will huff and puff all the way if I try.) The seatbelt doesn't fit around in some cars- embarassing (not to mention unsafe.) And, although sometimes I try to believe that the discrimination is internalized, I feel like people look at me and assume I am not bright, and I have to prove I am bright; for attractive, sharply dressed folks, people assume they have credability until they prove otherwise. I can't evoke that feeling of "smart" at my current weight, and people make assumptions about why I am fat. The nutritionists that want to tell me about diet and exercise. Like I don't have a clue about nutrition. Are you kidding? My life has revolved around food and weight issues for much of my life, I probably know more about it than they do. (sorry, took a side rant there.) I am working on my PhD in Social Work, and even at this level, in a career that is about equity, social justice, oppressed populations, we still don't talk about fat discrimination. It's still considered "a choice." (just ask any person who's always been thin.) Anyway, application was easier than I expected in general, and we have orientation appts for the Good Sam clinic on Jan 26. We're on our way. And I have been looking at the before/after pics, which makes me happy and hopeful- to see not only the weight fall off, but also years... people looking like they have new life, energy, expression in their after photos. I am happy that I have decided to pursue this path while I am still relatively young, and I can't wait to be able to run again, ride a bike, and wear cute clothes! I also read all the memorials. It helps ground me. Not only about the risks, but about how the risks grow as weight increases, how comorbities often are the death of people even after wls. Thanks to all of you for posting your stories, educating those of us still on the other side, sharing trials and successes. I am happy to be hearing it not just from docs, but from folks who have been there. These boards offer a service to many. Melanie