I wish i could live life like I used to

I sent in my appliclation to the clinic about 4 weeks ago, I have called 2 times and they keep telling me to be patient and call next week, I feel like I just cant handle this weight much longer, I cant do anything without pain I used to be able to work on the yard, clean house and paly with the kids all in one day, now i try but just dont have what it takes anymore, I remember when I was a kid and my mom was obese like me how sad it made me,, I promised myself I would never let my self get like that, and here I am,, I keep pushing my self trying not to let it stop me and not letting my self become a couch potatoe. Im so sad dont even want to start to do anything becouse I know I will get tired and not be able to fini**** 99.9 % of the time i dont let it get to me but tonight i cant seem to stop the tears, left the bedroom so my husband wont hear me,, i know i cant spend the rest of my life like this, and just dont know what else to do to get the weight off,, latley i have been considering fasting or a liquid diet but seems like that is what got me here in the first place,, my mom ended up diebetic, with high blood pressure, and heart problems i just dont want to end up like that,

Kelly, I am so sorry for how you feel. You describe very well how I felt too. Those feelings brought me to the door of the WLS clinic, and actually were the beginning of a new feeling - and that was the feeling of hope. I was surprised at my determination and it felt different than the "newest" diet that I was always going to succeed at" feeling (which always let me down). Once I was sure I was going to do it, I really tried to stop being so hard on myself and the plight I had let myself get in. From support group and my own therapy I have come to realize how truly hard we are on ourselves. You're making steps towards truly changing your life and addressing the problems that hurt your body and your heart. It seems too unreal that all those things you describe start to lift away in the months after surgery, but they do. Use this time waiting for your to nurture yourself and the people you love. I really had reached the point of being unable to phsyically do things, and while I waited for my surgery I just didn't do those things unless I had to. Part of my journey was mourning the years I lost to my obesity. Like you, I had a dad with a huge belly that embarassed me as a kid. I know I put my kids in the same position, embarrassed about the person they love more than anyone in the world. Also, felt a need to forgive myself and move on. I'm not a bad person and the whole obesity thing was something I got into and thank goodness got out of (with a lot of help and continued determination). Follow the process to obtaining a surgery date and have faith - it will come before you know it. Patty

Patty, thank you so much i sat here reading with tears streaming down my face, your words gave me the feeling of release I truly appreciate you insite. I will call again on monday and pray the insurance comes thru for me,, thanks you