Should I postpone or not??? ANY advice WELCOME!! **UPDATE***

so for any following along with my own story of ups and downs pre surgery i could use some help with my dilemma.

yesterday i was at my pre op appointment. they told me i could postpone a few days if i needed to. at the time i said no i was fine. but over the last few days my father (heart attack Christmas day, coma for three weeks in icu, on ward till last week, in rehab {finally} last week, three days ago another infection sent back to ICU, last night put in induced coma and breathing tube re inserted so we are back at start v. discouraging) had gotten worse. i don't know what to do really, should i postpone. i have been looking forward to this for so long and i am on my opti and i am so excited. but i don't want to risk not being there if something goes wrong (further) with my dad. my mom needs me to support her and she is the one who is supposed to be helping me after my surgery to the point where i am supposed to be staying with her at her new house out of town. (Newcastle from my place in Toronto) i just don't know what to do. do i put this off to be there for my dad? i have already taken time off work (where my employers are already filling in my spot so i would have to take even more time off work if i would postpone this surgery

i guess what i need to know is how incapacitated are you post surgery. can i still travel by car? i cant drive. no i mean i really cant drive, i am terrible at it and have never gotten past G1. but i can be driven back to Scarborough where my dad is?

am i able to help my mom? be an emotional support, or does the surgery take it all out of you? do you have to be cared for, or can you be a caregiver. i know all of this depends on any side effects, and that is another thing have any of you had side effects of surgery that kept you needing more care for longer?

ANY adivice is welcome, questions to clarify too. i am really curious to know what you all think i should do.

Thanks Obesity Help friends!

**** Update:

My father is having his gallbladder removed, as they think his rapid weight loss over this difficult time has caused a problem there. they drained it last night and he has made quite a bit of recovery since then. (still unconscious on breathing tube but responsive to pain and lower white cells as well his blood pressure is almost normal from a very unsettling low) I spoke to my mother and some other supports. My in-laws have said they will take me in if my mother has any problems with me going to see her right after. my mother has made it quite clear that my father wants me to have the surgery and that she will be heartily disappointed if i do not go to her place after surgery as she and i have been working on our after surgery plans for months. reading the books planning the food etc. she said she is quite excited about the whole thing and has been looking forward to having this distraction from the whole dad thing. her only caveat is that if he needs her she will drive into Scarborough to see him for a few hours. i may be on my own for a little while each day. i told her i don't see a problem with that. though i did check that i could be somewhere with more constant support should anything go wrong.

Thank you everyone who chimed in. your help was invaluable and if you have any more to add please feel free. i am always welcoming of new information. thank you!

******

I would call your clinic and explain what has happened. Ask if they can delay your surgery and if you can stay on Opti during the delay. From my experience, I was in no shape to look after someone else after the surgery. Sending hugs to you and healing vibes to your Dad.

Thanks crqvingchange!

i really appriciate the input

i will see if i can get some extra opti in case i have to have the surgery later.

what a brilliant idea.

thanks

Sorry abut your dad and i hope he gets better. how long will you postpone for (if you do?) doesn't sound like a few days is going to change anything. i can tell you from my experience the first week is THE worst but everything after that improved for me significantly.

Talk to your mom and ask her if she can handle it...my mom was my support person she didn't do anything for me (personally) but she took care of my daughter and THAT was helpful. i could mind myself after surgery but not kids...

Thank you Skinny_gigi!

i should bring my mom into the discussion. maybe she can't take on two wounded warriors. that is a good point. i may have to make other arrangements.

I agree a few days shouldn't make a difference i think at this point I am leaning towards 'get it done with' but that's why i posted this to get other opinions.

thank you so much for such a prompt reply and such insight!

Rce884

I am so sorry that your dad is unwell and has had such a hard time of it. My heart goes out to you, your mom and your family.

When my life is in a turmoil, I try to slow it down and write it down. Write down the pros and cons of your decision and often, in black and white, the right one will surface.

When my own dad was dying (he was 89), I was going back and forth to the hospital from Orillia to Brampton on a daily basis. I was also running for public office and was campaigning - and working, and taking care of my own family. He opened his eyes, looked at my tired face and said, "What are you doing here? You should be knocking on doors." He then closed his eyes and went back to sleep. The decision you make is yours alone and as much support as you get on this site, no one can decide for you.

Give it careful consideration, talk to your mom, dad and clinic (as suggested) and decide what is best. There is no right or wrong.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers,

Linda

Linda, Thank you.

Although i know i have to come to this decision on my own, i also need to know things that my mom and dad don't know like recovery times and what level of stress the people here have gone through in the first few weeks post surgery.

have no doubt though that i am making myself a chart of pros and cons. i like to write it all out. but i do want to make sure i am making the most informed decision possible. so that i weigh ALL the pros and cons.

but thank you. your support is very helpful.

thank you for your thoughts and prayers

I am sorry you and your family are going through this. Personally I was fine after I got home from the hospital. I didn't need anyone caring for me-but you are tired and it is a big job just trying to get some fluids and vitamins in you. You could be there for your mom emotionally but physically not for a week at least. Do you have any other brothers and sisters that you can lean on as well? I would hate to see you postpone it unless they can guarantee another date where you don't have to do the opti all over again. This is a tough decision.

Good luck

Thank you Monica9811!

your condolences mean a lot to me. I thank you for the post surgery insight. that is perfect for what i need to know. i figured the first few days would be challenging but yes knowing that the first week is tough is good to know. i don't think she will need me doing anything physical but mentally i will need to be there for her.

i have a sister in Ottawa and an aunt (mums younger sister) in Mississauga. they may be able to come in to help. as i mentioned before on another post i am going to have to chat with my other options. some other family may be able to help. even if just for the first week.

Thank you again.

I took care of myself after every surgery other than my tummy tuck. I stayed with a friend who helped but I still did almost everything myself. WLS is not a big deal as far as recovery IMO. You are sore and might have to nap now and then but you shouldn't need anyone to do much for you. Have you ever had surgery before? I have had many and I know that I recover quickly from anesthetic and seldom have pain so I could go into any surgery knowing I could take care of myself but if you haven't had surgery before then you won't know how you may be. It's a tough place to be as you want to be there for your parents but you also want to do this for you. Since this has been an ongoing thing with your dad since Christmas perhaps you shouldn't put your life on hold. Would your dad want you to keep moving forward? I know when my mom was very ill, I had to ask myself often, what would mom want me to do and then make my decision from there. I think only you can decide what you can or can't live with. If you feel you would be guilty should something happen the two days you are in the hospital then I would postpone but you also don't know when to postpone to as your dad has been ill for months now. I think you could handle taking care of yourself and still be emotional support for your mom but you would also have to give yourself some time to relax and rest. Most people feel fine within two weeks max but most seem to be fine a few days after surgery other than a bit of tenderness in the belly area.