Unwanted Advice

I had an unpleasant encounter at a party last evening. It was a good friend's birthday party. Her brother in law whom I haven't seen in about 10 years came over to talk to me. Within a few minutes, he started to tell me that I was really big and that I should be more active. I was stunned. I could have said all kinds of snappy remarks or told him where to go but I didn't. I did tell him that I am healthy in body other than the weight. I told my husband who wanted to punch him but I put it down to the other guy probably being drunk. The thing that kills me is that these ignorant people think we don't know we are obese and they're doing us a favour by letting us know. Gee thanks.

I already have a lot of insecurity about going out and about which my husband who is normal weight, doesn't understand. And this encounter is why. Anyway, onward I go.

Sadness...

I used to love hearing....

Have you ever thought of losing some weight?

Actually that thought had never ever crossed my mind... Thanks for the insight...

Most people that are obese think about losing weight every second of the day...

When we catch a glimpse of ourselves in the mirror every day. When we are shopping for clothes...

When we are lugging our weight up a flight of stairs.

When we are hanging out with our slim friends.

I can go on forever...

Walk away from negative behaviour...

Sandra

Mahalo.

...and these are the same people who, once they know you chose to have a medical intervention, WLS, say why did you take the easy way out?

When it comes to MO I have found people just don't understand how complex it is unless they have been there - done that.

Unfortunately there are alway people who are always going to put a target on someone for whatever reason - shame on him! What I will say to you is, the weight loss may not take away the insecurity you feel and if it does, there will always be another reason you may feel insecure. Take this time to work on your insecurities -and be comfortable with who you are as a PERSON and not how much you weigh. You're not losing weight or having the surgery so that you can love yourself, you're having it BECAUSE you love yourself. Good luck on your weight loss journey!

You are doing something about your weight. He will still be an ass

Hi Leslie,

I'm sorry for this - you were enjoying yourself, then it went out the window.

I was a city councillor last term and boy do people feel they can come up to you and say whatever is on their mind because "you work for them". No filter necessary. A letter came in to the mayor saying I was dressed inappropriately for a university function. I called the lady to ask why she felt that way (my first mistake). She said she didn't know where I had gotten my dress, but every lump and bump was showing. They must have done something to the mirror or else I would have known how terrible I looked. I was shocked and stupidly said that I had just lost 40 lbs (none of her business, but I was being defensive). She said, "That's good dear, but you have a ways to go".

I cried for days - it would have hurt less if she had punched me in the face. My daughter came by and said, "Those people don't matter. They don't even know you. We do and we love you."

A customer told me something that I repeat, when necessary, with a very big smile on my face, "I'm sorry, but your opinion of me is really none of my business."

Life is good. We are on the right track. And they don't matter.

Thank you for sharing.

Linda

I hear you. And your customer's line is a good one that I will use. Thank you for sharing your experience which was horrible.

Previous to this last time, I've been yelled at out a car window "Fat ugly b*tch" by the time I got home, I was an incoherent sobbing mess. Another time, I was told on a crowded bus that I was taking up too much room!

I always hope that being cheerful and pleasant will make up for the poor behavior of others, but it doesn't always.

Wow! People never cease to amaze me! I know when I had my first was about a year old, an old friend that hadn't seen me since just after I was pregnant stopped into my house and was chatting with my husband, when I walked in he said "WOAH - you're still huge!". I was so sad and it stuck with me 13 years later! Before I got pregnant I was an average size, and after, I had gained 60lbs. I am easily 50lbs heavier than that now, but it was just so hurtful! I ended up going on Bernstein about 3 weeks after that and temporarily lost weight.

What amazes me is how people think that it is acceptable to say these things!

I am sorry you had such a bad experience, when you were already uncomfortable about being out to begin with. I get it, and I understand...and what he said is unacceptable!

Please don't let anyone else determine your self worth.

Only you should do that and please don't sell yourself short.

The people who matter love you.

I stop people mid sentence when they get negative and simply say, "I don't allow poison in my life, now shooo (insert hand gesture of my shoooing them away here)" and I walk away giggling to myself like a little school girl, knowing I came out on top of that one!

Congratulations on not punching this dickhead right in the face.

Honestly, everyone else in the world, we're fat, not blind. We know what we look like and yes, we are well aware we are bigger than you and bigger than probably everyone else in the building, but thanks so much for pointing that out in case we forgot in the last five and half seconds.

I have no idea why people think they have the right to comment on everything and everyone that crosses their path. Back in the dark ages when I was growing up, I was taught to have manners. You could think whatever you wanted, but you couldn't say it. And if I did, my mother was always available to give me the death stare and the pinch of doom on that cord of tendon or muscle or whatever that attaches the base of your neck to your clavicle.

However, as someone else pointed out, at the end of the day you will have lost all your weight -- and that guy will still be a giant turd.