Body Image

Assuming most of us have struggled with this....Just wondering how everyone works on this...? A few years ago I lost 80lbs on my own. I look back on pictures and I looked INCREDIBLE - I was in the best shape of my life - BUT at the time I had found every more flaws with my body than ever before (granted I was in a very abusive relationship, and at the time he would criticize my body and tell me I needed to lose more weight) 

Its been a few years, I am surrounded by amazing people, and I am a (single) mom to a beautiful little girl. I feel like I have come to accept my body better than ever before because I want to set a positive example for my daughter, however I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrors at the gym last night and instantly felt like total Sh*t about myself, I was pretty good at stopping the self loathing, and reminding myself that every day I am taking steps to change, and also reminding myself that this journey isn't about the reflection in the mirror, its about health, adding years to my life and feeling good (increase energy, etc). I am grateful for the body I have, and that it allows me to do all the things I do daily. But there is still that nagging part of me that really wants to love what I see...how does everyone deal with this? 

I'm going to say this in a loving way - Stop it.  That woman you saw in the mirror at the gym was you working your butt off.  She was getting stronger.  She was taking steps to get healthier for her and her little girl.  She was not making excuses, she was working hard (you mentioned how your legs hurt this morning).  This transformation doesn't happen in a day.  You are going to feel better before you see the big changes.  Focus on that feeling.  Some people have posted that they had lost 80 lbs and no one had commented.  Know that we are on the side cheering you on (cue Eye of The Tiger music).

Thank you, you are so right.

The mind will play tricks on you if you let it. "Rule your mind, or it will rule you" - SOOOOOOOO true. Gotta take my power back!

Sorry you are dealing with this. It's not something I've been burdened with. I've written this often, but If you have access to a therapist or behaviorist through your clinic, do it! It's been as helpful for me as the surgery to be honest. Not just the time with them, but having the knowledge to research more on my own. Maybe spend some time reading up on body positivity too.

Also, being active at the gym or elsewhere is huge. Look at what your body can do! And think of what it will be capable of tomorrow. 

I'm three months shy of 17 years out, and I freely admit it's taken almost every day of that time to learn to love the body I'm in and accept what it looks like.

In my case, it may also be a function of age -- I'll be 60 in May -- but I have come to believe that every lump, bump, scar, stretch mark, wrinkle, liver spot, skin sag, and other assorted imperfection I possess has been earned.  When I stand back and think about it, this body has taken a lot of abuse over the years -- I gained and lost the same 150 pounds in the decade before my surgery, and let's not even discuss the hundreds I gained and lost before that.  It successfully carried and gave birth to two 10-pound babies.  It lived through the loss of both of my parents to aggressive and rapidly fatal cancers.  It has carried me through job loss and disappointment and depression and anxiety and more than my share of wonderful things.

But I haven't really loved it, or really seen it, until fairly recently.  For most of my adult life my body has been my enemy, and I couldn't for the life of me actually see what it looked like.  When I weighed nearly 400 pounds I thought I looked completely normal.  When I weighed 125 pounds in the early 80s and looked like a refugee from a prisoner of war camp, I thought I was huge.

For myself, it took therapy -- and pharmaceuticals, due to a chemical imbalance that was causing my depression and anxiety -- to actually get comfortable in my skin, and to see what I look like, and to accept it. 

Okay, so I'm not going to win a beauty contest.  I look like I have more than a little Shar--Pei DNA in my system.  There are bumps and bulges, but there's also Spanx, praise be to God.  I've been married for 37 years and my husband has developed a complete immunity to what I look like, even naked.  Believe me when I tell you he's seen a lot worse over the years.

But I'm whole, and I'm relatively healthy, and, more than that, I'm here.  Can't say I still would be if I hadn't had the surgery when I did.

I think we all have our wrestle with body dysmorphia -- but it really does help to talk to someone about it.

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective  

I feel so petty caring about something so insignificant. For as long as I can remember it's something I've struggled with. It has only been in the last couple years that I focused on body positivity and acceptance (mainly because I had my daughter and my world changed forever)