A Bump In The Road.

Hello,

My bump in the road feels more like a giant catastrophe.

I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but not so much anymore.

I had my psych and NUT appointment at the end of May. (TWH).

When I started my journey I rarely cooked, I ate only 2 meals a day and just snacked all night, the majority of my meals were take out, I drank atleast 2 cans of pop a day.

I've made a lot of changes over the last few months... I eat better meals, cook more at home, cut fast food in half, drink only maybe 2 cans of pop a week. Maybe to some people it isn't a big deal but it's been very hard.

After the NUT appointment I had to do a food log for a week and send it in and then my "file" would go into the rounds and I'd hear from them within 2 weeks.

I received a call on June 9th that everything except my NUT appointment went well. They feel like I need to get a better hold of my eating and eat better. I hate crying but I broke down on the phone. I told her I have been doing my best and if I could do everything perfect I wouldn't weigh over 300lbs and I wouldn't need weightloss surgery.

At first they said I'd expect to have surgery in late summer now they said December or maybe even the beginning of next year.

I have to do food logs until the end of July and keep doing it until they are satisfied.

I understand there is a process and everything they do is what they feel like is what is best for you. 

But if I could do this on my own, I would. I need this tool. I need this surgery. I can't do this on my own. 

This might make no sense but I feel like...

I have come to get help about a problem and I'm expected to fix the problem before the help is given.

I'm just at a loss. 

Honestly this is a long process and you have done really well making the changes you have already. I know we all want the surgery yesterday but every day that you can make small changes will help you be even more successful after surgery. It isn't the end all be all. Every day you have to work your tool. Your mind is your biggest enemy. They aren't punishing. Only helping. Keep your chin up. Stay on track. All will work out. Good luck!!

They want to make sure you are a success. I have seen too many people go right back to old habits post op and gain weight back. I've had people in support group eating McDonald during opti and don't think twice now they are complaining that they are regaining. Food addicts who can't get hold of issues pre op etc...

Try to look at it as a positive. They did not say no. That is major. Not sure what the problems with food diary are. Ensure that you are eating 3 meals. Not drinking with food. Cut the pop and get some healthy snacks in. They don't look at portions but want to see that you can commit to healthier eating.

You really need to cut the fast food and pop. Fast food post op will just make you sick and pop is an absolute no no. If you cut this now it will make the opti phase easier as you will most likely be on it for 3 weeks (1 week per 100 lbs). Detox now and it will make it easier.

You can do this! Take a deep breath and start again. You are so close don't give up hope now.

Did the NUT give you specifics about the changes they would like to see in your food diary? If not maybe call them back and ask for some guidance

Definitely cut out the fast food - I know thats the hardest part! If you do "need" to get fast food try to choose "healthy" choices (chili, grilled chicken, salad instead of fries ect)

I'm going to throw out a suggestion that worked for me and might be worth looking into. I am not a cooker, so I invested in a few things that really made a difference when choosing meals. One was a crock pot because, damn how easy can you get and 2 is my lifesaver, the seal-a-meal.

If your not familiar with the seal-a-meal (and there a few others out there that do the same thing just different brands) its one of those vacuum food sealers. What I do is batch cook - for example, you can cook chicken breasts and pork loin in the oven together (different pans but same temp and time) Seriously I would cook like 12 chicken breasts and 4 pork loins in the oven and in an hour you have a ton of food. Then, when they cool, I would seal a portion size for one person in a bag and toss it in the freezer. The beauty of this is that to reheat it all you have to do is put the frozen bag in a pan of boiling water for about 20 minutes and bingo - instant home cooked dinner. It works great for meats and some veggies. Also, rice keeps for a long time once cooked in the fridge, like almost a week I think, so you could make a large bowl of rice the same day you make the chicken or whatnot.

I know how it is, you get tired and its just easier to go out and grab something because the thought of pulling out pots and pans and cooking is overwhelming if you don't enjoy cooking (and the cleanup after). The seal-meal works great for me because for a few hours of effort I have meals for weeks. sometimes I would eat off paper plates so cleanup was almost nil (I'm lazy) :P

I don't know if that helps at all, it worked for me so I figured I would pass it on. 

You're on the right path. This is a long process and can be frustrating and scary right up until surgery day (and after!) In the grand scheme of things its only been put off a few months, not forever. You got this girl! you can do this!

Wow! I think I need to invest in one of those seal a meal thingies.

I feel for you.  I would have been crushed as well.

You have made great changes so far, I would hope that they would point you in the right direction of what they were looking to see in future logs.

You are right...if you knew all the answers ..you wouldn't be here looking for WLS.  If they said end of July for logs...that's too not bad.  Just keep at it, try to keep positive.  My process took 18mths...I know the feeling.

 It's been my experience that my best and most valuable knowledge wasn't gained through the clinic or their staff, but from others who had the surgery or answers I sourced out on my own.  Ask you GP to see a nutritionist, or look into your community for free programs availble.  This journey requires a lot of fending for yourself unfortunately.  Dont let this get you down 

I struggled with depression pre-op and also had food addiction issues.  It took me 2 years of therapy and work to manage the food addiction.  I was given a "hard time" at the Ottawa Civic and my surgery kept getting pushed back again and again, because I was honest with them at every appointment.  If I was still struggling with depression, I told them.  If I was still struggling with bingeing (sp?), I told them.  They helped me and I worked at it, and 2 years later I got it.  I am SO glad they did not let me go through with the surgery until I had solved the problems they asked me to work on. It was hell being 340lbs for two years, but it would be even more hell if I wasn't prepared for surgery.

Post surgery, if I were to try and binge, I would seriously and permanently hurt myself (stretching of the stoma), which would affect long-term success.  If I'm getting my body modified, I don't want to "break" what they did to me.  

From what I hear, post-surgery you have about 3 years where weight loss is easier to lose, then it gets very hard.  If I were to eat around my surgery i.e. eat bad food and take in too many calories, I wouldn't be able to get as much off in those three years, then I'd be stuck struggling after.  I've struggled enough pre-surgery.  I don't want to have to struggle any more than I need to.

If I don't have time to cook, I can't just run and pick up a burger.  I would be puking all over the place.  I need to have food on hand I know my pouch will tolerate.  I learned how to be prepared pre-surgery.  Some of my go-to's when I have no time to cook are canned fish, canned beans, protein shakes, and a roast chicken from the grocery store.

Take advantage of this postponement and get as much help as you can get from the hospital.  Work with them, ask questions, and be honest about what is or isn't working for you.  The dieticians  can help you find alternatives and solutions.  Find and work with a therapist if you need to. 

First of all, thank you to each one of you that responded. 

With regard to my food log... apparently they don't like the fact that I drink with my meals and they didn't feel like I wrote down enough in respect to how big or small the portion was. Now they want me to go all out. Weigh everything, etc. I knew I was going to have to make changes in my eating habits before hand but didn't realize I'd feel like I was going back on my millionth diet. 

I know I'm ready for this new life in all aspects. I've been debating and researching and speaking to my family doctor since I was 25...I'm 30 now. This wasn't an overnight decision for me.  

I know I have to do what they want so I can continue but I feel like it's never going to be enough and I'll be stuck in this 350lb body for the rest of my life. 

I've been patient up until now... up until I thought I had it in my reach. 

I know that this his hard to find out, but they are trying to help you do your best after surgery.  The food log will help, but I'll take it one more step, write down what you are feeling when you eat.  Some bad habits are caught that way.

Once you have surgery, you need to not drink for a period of time before until a period of time after each meal.  That's why they don't want to see you drinking with your meals.  After surgery, drinking with your meal will push the food through your stomach as there is no "door" to keep it there and you'll end up hungry more often.

They want you to measure and weigh, so that you are aware of exactly what you are eating/drinking.  So you can see what you are doing and where you need to make changes.  3 oz of chicken can be a lot different than 5 oz and you won't know until you measure.  Also, once you have surgery, you need to be able to ensure that you are eating a minimum amount of protein.  And measuring what you eat is the only way you'll know. 

Practicing these habits now, makes it easier to do them post surgery.

This decision wasn't easy for any of us, we know how you feel.  But all this prep work now, makes it easier to adjust to your new lifestyle after the surgery.

Follow what changes they asked, and you will get there.  And you'll be glad you did it.

Cathy

I understand how depressing and frustrating this is for you. Many of us have been there and some of us (me for sure) relapse to the same issues you are having to deal.  Cry it all out. I have many times. Now take a deep breath and break down all the issues you are angry about. Pull up your sleeves and get yourself a small journal and log your daily intake. Believe me, the sooner you give in to doing this little job the faster you will be frustration free and depression free. There are plenty of little aps and you can get to log your food, but the old fashion method helps me go back and check for breaking mental habits. I logged two years prior to my RNY surgery of last year and I log even now. I can tell you my biggest, most difficult challenge is not drinking liquids with my meals. Yet when I slip up and do have that swallow or three, a week later I did not lose or I even gained a couple of pounds. So when I look at my food journal, I see I have eaten more when I drink with my meals. That is a serious problem for me and I am still trying to break the old brain fixation. So what I am also trying to tell you is that logging and putting some of these rules in your head now, only helps you for the rest of your life. The surgery does not alter your brain and your habits that could have you gaining weight a year after surgery. Do you know my NUT is still making me log and measure my meals because she cant believe that I am simply stalled at the same weight for three months. She is not there to call me a liar, she just wants to see what I am eating and amounts I measure out. I comply and I am finished with rebelling against the world. I even mark down my blood pressure and my blood sugar everyday. Still my family doctor is not seeing a problem that I am seeing. Dont be afraid that you will lose the weight and not have the surgery. In fact, leave all your "What ifs" and "What others expect of you" - dismiss them now. But logging your intake is a good thing to make part of your life. Finding rules and trying to live by them is also for the rest of your life. One rule that I never knew before that has become a part of my life and I dont miss is "Never drink your friuts" .... I honestly never knew that but I have never done it again and was easy rule to put in my head. Funny how that works. For 25 years (after my first WLS) I very rarely ate bread. Last year, I suddenly became Lactose Intolerant. I found it easy to stop those issues, but when everybody is at the dinner table and pouring themselves two and three glasses of carbonated drinks, my mouth waters and I shake. There are a lot of problems we just have to fix for ourselves. You be my rock and Ill be yours.