Two and a half years out

It is hard to believe that it has been over three years since starting the whole process of changing my life.  Pre surgery seems like a dream - life is so much fuller and easier to live day by day.  I can breathe freely, I don't have chest pain and I can almost keep up with my daughter!

It is just so easy to get off track.  6 months after surgery I slipped right back in to old habits but my nutrition is even worse than it was pre op.  It is deplorable the amount of effort and consideration it takes to worth through the process pre-op just to slip back in to my old ways.

I am looking for a reminder of how blessed I am to have had the opportunity to have had surgery.  (and maybe some negative reinforcement for slipping off the path).

For those that are reading this and are still pre op : I would love to hear what changes you are looking forward to post-op.  What struggles do you have now.

For those who are post op:  What do you do to help keep you on track?  Suggested books or reading? What guidelines are you following and not following?  What things have you done that you never thought possible before?  And what mental/emotional challenges have you struggled with post-op (I have struggled with extreme depression/ anxiety since losing weight)

It is so easy to forget what I have gone through to get to this point but it is time to get back on track and enjoy the gift of health!

Hello there, 

I do not post here much. I find that the facebook groups are a lot more active...but I've seen your post today so I will chime in. 

You are at a critical juncture in your journey right now - you are at the "make or break" year. This is where it gets much harder and if you don't get a grasp of how to handle where you are...you can easily undo what you have done.  The good news is that you are here and you are asking which means that you are trying to get a hold of it now..and that's a good thing!  The more you bury your head in the sand...well...those are the people who are doomed.

First of all, talk to the long timers...like you have.  Do you have a support group? Use them.  Do you have mentors? Message them.  You should always have someone to turn to for advice when you need it.  Look for people who have the same issues as you.  We all have issues that are unique to us - some were only thin til they had babies so they have surgery, and then have no big issues with them. Some never have hunger...etc. There's the gamut when it comes to us weight loss patients.  

For me, this will be a life long battle with food.  I'd love to say that after almost 10 years I've mastered it, but I haven't.  I still have my days where I give in to the crap and then have to pick myself up off the floor.  I still can struggle with "moderation" from time to time.  I have mastered the art of picking myself up however and I think that is my saving grace throughout this journey.  I can refocus myself and get back on track when I fall and usually the fall from grace is short lived.  

I also try and stay very active with support groups, in person and online.  I need other people to help keep me grounded. I need to talk openly about my journey. I need to talk with other weight loss peeps.  Use support groups. They are key. You aren't just like everyone else -- we are different all around and we need one another.

Make yourself accountable - either in groups, with a partner, by using a tool or support group or weigh****chers.  Find what works for you at any given time.  Year three I needed something different than year five...or year nine.  JUST KEEP TRYING.

I cannot say enough about tracking. Accountability is HUGE. It's the number one habit to keep us accountable. The second is the scale.  Those are two things I never ignore long term. 

The books I'd recommend to you really depend upon what issues you are having. There are so many depending on your issues. Do you need emotional help with dealing with issues rather than overeating as a coping mechanism? Are you a binge eater? Do you think you have disordered eating or mindset? Do you have low self esteem? Do you need a mindfulness program? Those are all different considerations.  I would think about that and look in your local library.  It sounds like you may still need to deal with your depression and anxiety.  I think personally that therapy for that may be what you need.  DO NOT hesitate and approach your centre for what you need - that is their job and they often have resources you don't know about (half the windsor patients for instance don't know that there's a psychologist unless I mention her for instance) or can point you to the person that you need.  ALWAYS advocate for what you need.

Know that you are not normal. Give yourself some grace.  Excuse your errors, stop dwelling and move forward.  Plan ahead - right now it's a great time to make use of season veggies and fruit -- start planning  your meals.  Put yourself first again. You're worth it. 

Take gentle care of yourself,

Dawn

Thank you Dawn,

You are exactly right - I think one of my issues is definitely the lack of support.  My husband is military and we moved away from my center shortly after my surgery - I transferred my file to Ottawa but I missed some appointments and never got back in touch(two years now so I think they probably wouldn't even have me on file anymore)

I have pretty bad social anxiety so I haven't really looked for support groups or friends (which I have none in the area).  You mentioned facebook groups - What pages do you recommend?

As for diet- I manage a golf club kitchen and banquet kitchen, with long hours a little time for breaks, and so I am always picking at the fries or eating something I really shouldn't.  My meal planning and accountability is terrible and I get down on myself and haven't learned to pick myself back up at all - every time I get off my diet plan I am off for a few months before I manage to get back on (so only ever good for a week at a time). I feel like a normal person so it is easy to forget that I have special dietary needs.

Thank you for taking the time to reply - 

Katie

Great post Dawn

I just want to start with OMG over 3years really and you still need a reminder of WHY. OMG look in the mirror and previous pics along with taking a long hard look at your Daughter who you say can you now almost keep up with (kids are amazing little people). These will be motivators to get back on track. :-) with that said I am still in the process of waiting on surgery and also know this is not the easiest journey no matter what stage we are at and it does require commitment to the point of exhaustion (and yes I am exhausted often). I have made so many changes to this point such as quit smoking OMG what a challenge that was and still is. I have also cut back on many comfort foods and have been working on developing new coping skills to help me with these changes because when triggered I so want want to reach for a smoke and those wonderful comfort foods. With one day at a time I am making better choices. With loving myself and time and commitment I am coming closer with each day. I have this saying nobody will every love you more than you love yourself. Making the choice to take this journey was the best love you every had for yourself which led to being healthier you and freedom. Addictions are strong but you are stronger and just need a boost and maybe as life gets so busy as it tends to do you have forgotten to hug yourself and praise yourself. You have battled this beast to this stage so you need to get out your bigger ammo and tackle him again. You have not FAILED this is what life is about full of ups and downs but very sweet just the same. Take time and rewind, go back to the very 1st day you chose to start this journey and tackle today with the same vigor. Spend time with yourself and ask yourself why are you suffer more from depression/anxiety since losing weight, you do have the skills to tackle this with a little self TLC you will figure it out (after all this is all about you and taking care of your needs without masking it with food OMG I do know that is sooooooooo very hard :-( a life long struggle many of us can attest to).

Best of luck and thank you for sharing       

I have only one piece of advice.  Weigh yourself daily and always know how much you weigh.  People who weigh daily lose weight and keep it off.  Staying off the scale puts you into denial and it is a shock when you have to be weighed.

Hello, your looking also for someone pre op to share so I will.... I'm waiting for a date and will probably have surgery in  or around September. there are so many things I am looking forward to once I loose more weight. I've lost 66 pounds now.

Participating no****ching, do you remember watching others do what you would have loved to?

Walking, I may still experience pain after, but I will walk. ( I have horrid arthritis and need a hip replacement)

owning a dog, can't walk , can't own a dog properly.

Not needing other joints replaced.

Dancing softly and slowly, but I will do it.

Going places I can't access now.

Fitting in chairs. Not wondering if I will fit.

Buying and wearing clothes I love not just because they are what actually fit on my big butt.

Not being looked at in that way....!

Not hearing people tell me, "you are so smart, you know how bad this extra weight is for you," as if stating the obvious will help, and as if intelligence really has anything to do with it.

Living longer with luck so that I see my grand children.

Helping to raise grandchildren who won't see me as super obese. Who see Nana and never really know that , that was part of her life. Hoping to be part of helping grandchildren develop coping skills that remove obesity from our family traits because the skills are there to cope with it in another way.

I absolutely know this is a challenge for the rest of my life, that I will fall repeatedly, it does not matter as long as I get back on track even if it takes time. Just recently I've had a bit of a stressful time so I've not been losing as fast as I was. I'm still eating well just more. I'm cutting myself some slack but staying on task. I've set limits even when I'm eating more.  My son got married last week, lots of celebrating and eating so I gained 2 pounds , I've now lost it. I'm struggling but I'm trying  not to  look to far forward, sort of trying to stay in the moment with each meal. Trying to remember that this is just life for me.

Tracking is big and I can never stop.

I don't want to weigh myself daily but I will weekly.

I know water ( drinking it) makes a big difference.

Not sure anything I'm saying will help how you are feeling right now but wanting so much to remind you that you are your child's hero. Because of what you have done for yourself you have given your child and incredible gift.  You have shown her how to problem solve, you are teaching her coping mechanisms, you are able now to give her your time and energy and maybe your company  for a lot longer then you might have had before. Best of all if she struggle in the future she only has to look to you and the strength you have shown to know she can make it too. You are an incredible gift.

Hello!

I am very pre-op! 

I can tell you I look forward to many things!

Keeping up with my young nieces and nephew! Going to a Tball game, and wondering if they have stands so I can sit, as opposed to buying one of those fold up chairs, that I think I'll break...good chance I might too! So, if the places don't have stands, I don't go.

Having more energy/stamina to do things in general. I feel my weight hinders some of the stuff I wish I could do, or limits what I can do at sometimes.

To feel better about myself!!

To be healthier, and nobody commenting about how big I am!

To be able to walk long periods and go up stairs not huffing and puffing!

Be able to go to a Jay's game and be able to fit in a chair! Last time I went a couple years ago I was 40lbs less and I could barely fit it. Had bruises on my hips that bad. So refuse to go bac****il I have lost a lot of weight! Passed on going a few times last year, just for that very reason! It sucks!

But, I am hoping as I go through this journey, that I'll get there at some point, it'll be a lot of hard work, and I'm sure they'll be times its quite difficult, but the reward so out weighs all that. DOesn't mean me or other people might not stumble from time to time were human! Just dust yourself off and move on, and start a better path. Focusing on mistakes will do you no good!

As someone who has/does suffer from depression and anxiety, I really suggest looking at talking to a therapist about it, or family doctor to see what help there is available to you.

I know some people don't like the idea of asking for help for mental health reasons, I being one of them. I thought I could handle it on my own, get better on my own.

Maybe some people can, but I spent 3 years in misery before seeking help!!! It made a world of difference.  It helped with my depression, and I would say I really don't suffer from depression anymore, but anxiety that I do. Its more about managing it than anything. Undo stress definately can make anxiety and depression worse.

I don't mean to be preachy, its just my experience and only you know what is best for you. I'm just giving you my experience on these issues and what helped me!

I hope at least some of this helps.

I will preface this post by saying that I'm not so far post-op as you, so I have not had to struggle as much as you have.  

The only thing that's worked for me when I get thoughts about eating junk food is the knowledge that the food will do nothing good for me.  It won't fill me up, it won't make me feel good, and it will most likely put me back into a fathomless pit of a junk food craving downward spiral like I used to have pre-op.  Usually when I'm having thoughts about junk food, it means that I'm hungry, so I eat some protein and I feel better 100% of the time.

If you are interested in reading a book to help you with your anxiety, I have this one that has helped me a great deal.  It was recommended to me by the hospital psychologist I was seeing pre-op: https://www.amazon.ca/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-6th/dp/1626252 157/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1465821918&sr=1-1&keyword s=anxiety

The thing I did that I did not think was possible before, was to walk 7k.  I did that this past Saturday.  Next weekend, I will try for 8.  

I only had struggles with depression within the first two weeks after surgery.  My stomach area and eating felt different and it was difficult for my mind to accept.  Not feeling "normal" was stressful for me.  I have since adjusted and had no issues with my depression.  I am on the same medication as I was pre-surgery, but less and I cut one of my three anti-depressants.  I was so happy post-op that I thought I didn't need my medication anymore.  I worked with my doctor to reduce my medication, but found out that I do indeed still need it, so I am on a lower dose of whtat I was before and I feel this is where I would like to stay.  I get so much joy from feeling better that it seems the depression doesn't have a chance to bring me down anymore (plus the meds are doing their job).

I am currently 278lbs down from 337.  I am still quite large.  I anticipate that as I get smaller and peoples' reactions to me change, I will most likely have some anxiety and issues to deal with with that.  I also have social anxiety issues.  I have a really good therapist that has helped me through everything thus far, so I am sure I will be able to handle whatever comes my way.

Get in touch with the centre in Ottawa. I am sure they still have your file. See the nutritionist and psychologist. Work on why you are eating and strategies for dealing with your work environment.

Dawn gave you some great advise. Track and weight

Good luck