Help! Dating after surgery weirdness

I am nearly 2 years post op and now wear a size 8 or med/small. I started dating again 2 weeks ago after 8 years of being single because I felt like I would like to meet someone.  So I met this guy on a dating site who I am really attracted to and we really hit it off on our first date, he has a good job, is an artist and super nice to talk to.  Second date was really fun tonight again but he made a couple of comments that really bothered me.  He said:

• only really fat people eat at this one particular restaurant so he avoids it
• one of the reasons he does not date people at his work is because there are so many really fat people
• made unkind comments about homeless people we encountered walking around downtown

Other than that he was polite, funny, attentive, bought me dinner and drinks, clever, charming, all of that, treated me super nicely. Plus he is really good looking in my opinion.  Part of me wanted to tell him off, tell him the girl he is fawning over is a former very fat person.  Well I did not, I just sat there and said nothing. I asked him "so you really don't like fat people eh?" because you have mentioned it several times.  And he made a comment about how they need to stop eating so much.  I explained to him that there are many reasons why people gain weight and are unable to lose weight, he did not seem convinced and changed the subject.  I am so disappointed, this is the first person I have allowed a second date with and I don't think I can let there be a third knowing how he thinks on these topics.  Am I just being too sensitive?  Worse of all, part of me just wants him to like me, accept me, because other than those comments he is the coolest guy I have met in a long time and I really enjoyed our time together.  Very frustrated.  I was going to kiss him but ended up just hugging him and he kissed me on the forehead.  Part of me wants to keep seeing him because I know there is mutual attraction, but the other part wants to tell him off because of his comments.  I am so confused.  Anyone have any advice or have experienced similar?  I feel like I should have done more to challenge his ignorance but I did not, party because I was afraid of being rejected, and partly because I do not feel he deserves to know personal things about me yet.  What would you have done in this situation?  I honestly feel like throwing in the towel, I mean what is the point? Out of 14 dates I only would see 4 again, and now the one I liked the best has the compassion of a loaf of bread.  Sorry for the rant but I had to let it out.

Personally if it were me, I would take this guy out for coffee somewhere and explain that you had weight issues and had gastric bypass. See what he says. To me its not worth investing time in someone who is so close minded. Right now in the beginning of your dating he has made it clear he doesn't like fat people or homeless people. As he gets more comfortable with you will you find out he's racist too? How about handicapped people, or the mentally ill? He may be cute and fun but he doesn't sound like he has very good values.

 I've gone one dates before where they saw me and never had a second date. I actually had one guy I met online say "sorry I don't date fatties" 

There are plenty of people out there (although sometimes it doesn't feel like it) but as the saying goes you have to kiss a few  frogs to find a prince - or something like that :P

You've worked hard to be where you're at! Do you really want to hide that journey from someone you're looking for a relationship with?

Just my 2 cents :)

It is really hard because I have not had mutual attraction in a really really long time and that part feels awesome.  But if this is our 2nd date and he is saying stuff like that then I agree it is not a good sign as to his values.  He also told me he has been online dating for a really long time, maybe there is a reason for this? lol

Welcome to the real world.  A good percentage of people think and feel exactly like your date.  You need to develop a harder shell.  Take his comments as education.  He would not have said those things to a fat person, but he sees you as a thin person who shares his views.

Don't bother educating him.  If you decide to date him, do it just for fun.  You know that you don't want to be with him permanently, but you can enjoy a fling.  I think of guys like that as test driving a car.  I might enjoy a fling in the luxury model, but when i purchase it will be the practical model that gets me where i need to go and does not wreck my budget.

If you date him, just don't let it become exclusive.  Continue to see other men and good luck in finding one that you don't have to try to teach compassion to.

Thank you for your comments White Dove, I really appreciate it.  I like your car analogy and the idea of just doing fun dates - do you think I should tell him I have had surgery or not even if I am just having fun?  If I do not tell him he will be able to tell if it gets to the point where he sees me with my clothes off anyways, wont he? Would it be a good idea to have a fling with someone who I know has low compassion towards the old me?  Part of me just wants to see him and enjoy the attentions of a handsome fun man, part of me wants to tell him off for being so ignorant and insensitive.  I felt so conflicted last night it was horrible, I so wanted to kiss him goodnight because we have great chemistry but I kept thinking about his comments and it really killed the mood for me.  Sometimes I wish I was less in my head...

You could tell right before taking off the clothes.  You can say you had gained and lost weight and have loose skin.

Keep the surgery to yourself.

Don't tell him off.  Try the sex and see if it is enjoyable.  Don't make wedding plans with him in your head.  Men have sex just for the sake of sex all the time.  Women can learn to detach sex from love and just enjoy the moment.

Not sure if I want the first person I have sex with in 8 years to be someone who I don't think is a good person.  Or do I?  lol   I guess the problem is that I do not know what I want because I have been out of the game so long.  In the past I have always been the type of person who can't help but feel emotionally for the person I sex with, I have no idea whether that is still the case. 

Are you missing sex or are you missing being in a relationship?  If you just miss sex then then use the SOB and keep yourself detached.  You know he isn't worthy of you for anything more than a lay.  If you miss a relationship then move on.  I can easily have unattached sex just to fill that need but realize not everyone can.  When I have unattached sex I have a rule, 3 times and you are out as then no feelings have time to get too involved for me.  Don't care about his feelings and just worry about my own.  It's time to be selfish and enjoy sex if that is what you need and just behave more like most men do, be in it for the sex and nothing more.

As for today's date, don't think of the other dates as each man will be different and deserves a fair shot at proving himself.  I know you are jaded and offput after last night but this is a new day and a new man so go in with an open mind as today's could be the right guy and you don't want to not give him the chance he deserves because of an ass last night.

You are going to feel unsure of yourself after the weight loss and surgery.  I would just use him for practice and to build your confidence for a real relationship.  Like going to some job interviews for positions you don't want and getting practice for the one you do want.  Of course I can separate sex from emotional attachment.

Three times and move on is a good rule.  It is like taking a stray dog into the house.  At first everyone says they really do not want the mutt around and then years later when the dog dies everyone cries. 

Zizzler this guy gave you a glimpse of his true personality and it wasn't pretty.  He may be pretty on the outside, but you deserve so much more.  I am so proud of you for braving the dating scene, but from my own experience I really did have to date a lot of frogs before I found my Prince Charming (yeah he has a few faults, but they're are ones I can live with) and we've been together for over 30 years.  I shudder to think of what my life would have been like if I had settled for one of those frogs.  In the time I've known you, you have been smart, compassionate, you always make an effort to be supportive and welcoming, and I've never heard you say an unkind word.  IMHO you deserve no less, it may take time, but you are worth it.