Friends reactions

Good morning, please help,  I have been talking with my friends about the possibility of bypass surgery and most have been very supportive however I have one good friend(have known her for 30 years). That is very negative about it.  I value her opinion on most topics but this time I am struggling with it.  Any advice as to how to talk with her about this.

It depends what her motives are.  Is she simply concerned for the dangers of surgery?  Maybe she needs more information on the procedure and what your current health risks are if you don't have the surgery.  She may not be aware of the risks your health faces as a result of being overweight.  She might also not understand how hard it is to lose weight, and that this is a tool to help you. 

Does she struggle with her own weight, and hence might be jealous that you might get this resolved?  Maybe she simply doesn't want to be left behind, and feels that she would be if you lost the weight. That you need to deal with a little more delicately. 

Is she a friend who likes to have a "fat" friend around because it makes them feel better about themselves?  Plenty of those out there as well...and in my opinion, aren't worth the time at the end of the day. 

Try to figure out why she is struggling with supporting her friend in what is an important step for your overall health.  If she understood it in a health context, she is also much more likely to be supportive.

Good luck!

DD

Sometimes when friends and family don't understand the surgery, they get scared and can come across as negative. Giving them some information and discussing the surgery with them will help them come around.

Unfortunately, some people will not be supportive of WLS or of you losing weight in general. That can be a difficult situation. Many of us have experienced unsupportive spouses, friends and family members. You'll need to think about how losing weight will affect your relationships. 

I also have a friend who had difficulty understanding what I have decided to do.

She was frightened for me, but she also has no struggle with food so could not really understand how it is for me in regards to what triggers  my over eating etc. She however, has  her own  issues and challenges  ( just not food) and we are good  enough friends to be honest with each other. Once I used her issues as an example  to explain my issues  she could understand better and is able to be more supportive. She just could not stand in my shoes without my help.

I don't have any words of wisdom. My DH has never had a weight problem and doesn't understand why I want to have surgery.  I just received a referral in February and already, if I had a $1 for every time someone has said- "But in a year, I bet you  could lose all that weight yourself" and I'm not even telling everyone about it!!! I'm very glad that my dad and sister as well as my 2 best friends are extremely supportive, and even though my husband isn't, he isn't trying to stop me. He just puts it off as me being stubborn.  

If she's open to reading the literature, share it with her. Otherwise you have to agree to disagree.

Good luck!