Help!

Hello everyone,

I'm in the beginning stages of the gastric bypass surgery.

I used to be the funny fat girl everyone loved, I never let my weight bother me but now I feel fat and miserable, ugly and paranoid. I've changed and I hate who I have become because of the weight. I don't attend social gatherings, I don't get in pictures or let people take pictures of me, I rarely look in mirrors, I hate what I see (I think I'm in denial, even though I KNOW if I don't get help right now it will get worse for me). My weight is really holding me back from everything in life, love, confidence, self-worth, relationships, travelling, being in my dream career, even being happy, the life of the party I once was. I'm very self conscious, my self worth has dropped tremendously, none of this has really bothered me up until a year/year and a half ago. Some days I'm very ready and want to have the surgery other days I'm like "woah lets be realistic, what if something goes wrong post op?" I've already done a ton of research about the surgery & after surgery. My only main concern is if anything goes wrong after, but I'll never know until I do it... Darn it. I've never had any really major health problems. My family is 100% supportive. I've told my close friends that I'm interested in getting the surgery and I have pretty much zero support from them, besides one person. None of them understand what it's like being 350 pounds. Some said do whatever makes you happy, why can't you loose the weight without the surgery, or just wasn't supportive at all. I've tried to explain to them the surgery and they still can't seen to understand what the purpose of it all is, besides one friend and she's against me getting it. At the the end of the day I'm going to do whatever makes me happy & best for me, but it still sucks not having support from friends you think highly of.

A few questions I have: if you could would you do the surgery again? Why or why not?
How did you feel emotionally after the surgery and once you saw the weight coming off?

If you could add any other information or advice I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you

Hi there :)

From the title of your post, I was concerned that something was wrong with you lol In fact, there's nothing wrong with you - your experience as a morbidly obese person is very much like all of us here. I'm not sure how long you've been lurking/reading, but welcome. I think as you keep reading and joining in here, you'll have a vast majority of your questions addressed.

To your questions of the day:

As a 10 year RNY vet, I can honestly say that I would 100% definitely do the surgery again, no question about it. I was at least 290 pounds in March 2006. Today, I am maintaining a 170 pound weight loss, and weigh in at a whopping 120 pounds today. :) No more comorbidities - I am healthy and active.

To your question about emotions - this is something that very many people struggle with as a post-op. During your wait time for surgery, please do as much work on your head as you're doing on your body. This is an emotional journey - once the surgery is complete, the rest is on you. Coming to terms with your relationship with food, your self-esteem, emotional comfort tools (usually eating - now you'll have to find another way), how others respond... these are things that can truly weigh on your mind.

I have 10 years of advice - I'll wait for another day. lol

K. :)

Thanks to both of you--for asking the questions that many of us have asked/thought about on this journey and for the wise answers! I am also pre-op and have similar thoughts/questions/back and forth about the future!! I come to this site for the honesty and the wisdom that is offered regularly and have learned so much!! None of us are alone is this journey and at the same time, this journey is ours alone!!:) 

You will get lots of input here on your questions.  I just have one comment regarding your friends non supportive attitudes.  Don't wait for them to jump on board with your need to get your life in order and make change.  Many of us have experienced loss of some long time friendships because we are not playing the role of the dependable fat buddy anymore.  Your need to change could very well be seen as a threat to your friends - wether or not they understand this complexity in themselves.

This WLS is something you need to do for yourself & yourself alone, plus what many of us quickly learn is that we need to make ourself the first priority in our life.  Put on our own oxygen mask first - if you will. 

Enjoy your journey - it is one of the best things I have done for my life & relationships.

It's like you're writing my story...what you are saying is so familiar. It took me from 2011 until 2014 to decide that surgery was for me. I had my surgery in March 2015 and I have no regrets other than I wish I did it sooner. One of my close friends still isn't a huge believer that the surgery works (because she knows someone who lost and gained it all back) which gives me even more drive to prove otherwise.

I am glad I took the time to get my head in the right space before surgery as that is proving to be the biggest challenge some days.

I'm thrilled with my new overall physical appearance but the feeling of well-being and no more aches and pains is even better.

Wishing you luck with your journey!

Tammy :)

Hi euro_k I too am in the beginning stages of this journey. You post exactly how I feel and worries I have as well. 

Excellent to come here and get the advice from so many who have been through it and all of us at the different stages. 

Welcome,

Adele