people telling me not to do surgery

 so my friends are not supportive ... well my BFF ...

So weird cause she was like I wish I could do the surgery but now saying everything negative. ..

Sigh.. my minds pretty made up. I need this tool to get on my way.

Has anyone had family n or friends no be supportive? 

Another question after your last appointment how long did u get a surgery date??

My appointments are Feb -April 

I need all the information n support I can get.

Happy to have this site with awesome people ??

I only told 3 people - and my mother was not one of them until well after. Once I'd dropped over 100 lbs and the "diet" I gave to her was not as successful.. I confessed. She was never on my side, but once she saw the results she understood. Barely anyone knows, and I prefer it that way.

I'm happy to read this Seyenna.  I've only told 2 people myself.  I am wondering how I will explain the dramatic weight loss but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I carry my weight well, no one would ever guess how much I actually weigh, so I know they just wouldn't understand.

Yup and I didn't talk to them about it anymore!!! This is about you for you!!!!! Get your support from positive people, ignore the nay sayers!!!!!!! It's no one's business but yours.......

I've only discussed my choice with a handful of people. My mom, originally, was against it. When she expressed her negative opinions, I just told her that I'm going to listen to the doctors and professional team guiding me through this and not to her Google research. I didn't talk to her about it until she came to terms with my decision and was more positive about it. Now my mom is fully on board and is going to live at my house for a couple of my weeks to help my husband take care of me after surgery. Aside from my mom, my grandmother knows, my husband (of course), my mother in law, and my husband's sisters. I've also just recently briefly discussed surgery with 2 co-workers whom I work closely with. 

Some of the funniest comments I've received are, "Don't you think that's a little extreme?" to which I replied, "Ummm... yep." Or, "Why don't you just diet and exercise?" To which I gave no reply. My favourite comment is, "Well don't lose too much weight or you'll make ME look bad!" to which I replied... "Don't worry, I will!" 

If anyone is against your choice, remember, you are doing this for YOU! People who haven't lived through obesity don't know what we're going through. All they know about surgery is what they've seen on TLC specials. I watched one British documentary that scared an entire family into eating healthy and exercising by showing them people who are going in for WLS- and then the family miraculously lost a tonne of weight. If only it were that simple! But... society sees crap like that and thinks that WLS is there just because we lack the will power to do it ourselves, which is definitely not always true. 

Sounds like your friend might be a bit jealous that you are getting surgery and she isn't. Perhaps you could share some of your resources with her. I had a bit of resistance from my boyfriend when I started, but one thing I found really helpful was a before and after video posted on YouTube by Lauren Vento (I think)... She did an amazing job of explaining her feelings about why she wanted the surgery and how she felt after. I watched it like 10 times. But showing my bf really explained to him what I was feeling and why it would be a good thing. 

Meg~

Hi there, I too have a friend (male) who didn't seem very supportive at first, questioning my motives, saying he was concerned about the about of weight I would lose, etc., however when I talked to a mutual friend her insight was that he probably was more concerned that I was shining a light on his own weight issues ... he has since changed his ways and now is very supportive. Friends and family have to realize this is about you and not them ... this is your decision. I no longer put up with negative comments about my decision. If your mind is made up, do what is right for you and I especially like that you use the word 'tool' it's no magic bullet but it's certainly a way to assist you on the right path. Good luck with your decision and this is a great site for lots of hints, tips and support :)

There were a few important people in my life who discouraged me from surgery. I worked through the decision long and hard - decided I wanted to do it, without letting other people influence me. After making that choice I realized that I had let other people influence so many of the decisions in my life! 

Good or bad, surgery was MY decision, and no one else's. I have found it really empowering and it has changed a lot in my life (not just my body)! 

Whatever you decide, make sure it is 100% what YOU want.

There will always be those who don't support our decision about WLS.  A lot of it is from stereo typing and a lack of education on what the surgery is about, and what our new lives are like.  You'll also get those who say that this is the easy way out.  Well, it's no easier than WW, Jenny Craig or any of those really.  We are getting surgery to get a tool. No magic, no hocus pocus.  Just a tool, and we need to use that tool just like those who are successful in other methods use their tools.  There is no "One Tool Fits All", and for those who have gone through, or going to go through surgery, this is the tool that is needed.  If you use the tool the way it was designed and the way you are instructed, you will be successful, but if you don't, then there is not guarantee.  The first year to 18 months is easier, and it gets harder after that, but that doesn't mean that your tool stopped working, you just have to adjust how you use it.

One thing to remember, when you go through the WLC, you aren't just in for the surgery, you are in to help change your lifestyle.  We all have issues that we have to deal with.  The clinic can get us the help that we need to fix those issues, so that we don't fall back to old habits.  The only thing that they can't do, is make you ask for the help, that much you have to do on your own.  It takes a strong person to do that, but that strong person is within us to be there.

As for support, you know you have all the people here behind you.  And you can always find a support group/coffee club in your area to join to talk to people in person.

Wishing you well on your journey!

Cathy

One thing we learn pretty quick is that everyone has an opinion about weight loss surgery.  Nine times out of ten, it is because they "knew someone"...well that someone one isn't me (you)!  I Have told several people and have had very little support.  But just remember YOU know what YOU can do.  They don't.   You know about what you have to go to to even get to the point of surgery.  They don't.   90% of people don't know anything about wls...therefore the negative things they have to say are just pure ignorance.   I am not a confrontational person but I have had no problem telling people that they don't know what they are talking about...because they really don't!