Still a fat girl in my mind

So today I had my little puppy at the vet (she has grown like a little weed over the past 7 months) and I asked the vet if she is getting a little big for her breed. The vet said she was just perfect, even though she is bigger than the breed average. I laughed and said that was good because she loves her treats and that I keep telling the puppy that she is going to get fat if I keep giving her so many treats all the time. The vet and her assistant laughed with me but it got me thinking... They didn't really know me (especially pre-wls) and they could construe my comment as insensitive or offensive even -- especially as we can be so sensitive to weight issues.

In my head I'm still a fat girl so I feel a bit entitled to joke about my puppy being a little husky, etc. In reality someone who didn't know me that well wouldn't know that I had lost so much weight and could be offended by those kind of comments. I would never discriminate against someone for their weight, and I've decided that I will even try to be kinder to people (of any size) because I'm starting to realize how much I was discriminated against pre-weight loss. You don't really notice that you were treated differently until you go to a store and have every single sales associate offer to help you (highly annoying and flattering at the same time).

Anyways, the point of my post is to recognize that I need to be more aware and sensitive to what I say especially for weight related comments. And to ask about other peoples' experiences with this sort of transition. Did you feel a need to change what you said? Do you still feel like a "fat girl/boy/person" in your head?

Meg~

Thanks for your post. I totally agree. I too will always be the fat girl with the pretty face in the back of my mind.. People do treat you different. I get it all the time in the store etc. Everyone wants to feel attractive...But the sad truth is MOST people judge from the outside in.. I notice it so much now, and i do get annoyed at times when i know a man is being EXTRA nice to me because of my looks.. I spent my whole life as a big girl and dreamed of being thin and beautiful. Dont get me wrong , some days it does feel good but for the most part this journey has made me rethink my who life because it has changed me in so many other ways too. I have been married for 30 years since i was 17 years old. My husband has loved me no matter what size I have ever been. He is a thin man never been over weight. HE truly loves me for who i am. I have learned i really need to love myself no matter what size i am.. I did this WLS to get healthy and i have done that. I also find myself looking at other over weight people more now. I see how they struggle when walking etc. I find myself feeling so bad for them , then i think to myself maybe they are just fine with the way they look and feel, and who am i to judge anyone especially an over weight person since 2 years ago i was right along with them.This has been such a roller coaster of a journey so far for me and i am not even 3 years out yet.. Everyday is a blessing because i am HEALTHY..I am loved and i am happy, and i wish everyone the best who is just starting or has been through WLS..Thanks Meg...Sorry for the winded post guys....Cheers Krista

Wow you hit the nail on the head! I have had those exact thoughts myself. While I say I will never discriminate against obese people I'm finding myself looking at them and thinking what is everyone else in this room thinking about you right now. I can't speak out and say STOP! but I feel so bad that I'm not obese now and feel as though I'm better off than they are and should defend them.

I also notice making fat jokes about myself a lot still and really trying to correct that. why do I feel the need to put myself down because I was fat?????

It's been fifteen and a half years and yes, I'm still a "fat girl" in my head.

It still freaks me out every time I go through a turnstile at the train station on the way to or from work (that's 10 times a week, kids) and fit through without turning sideways.  I still marvel at the fact that I can change over my clothes every spring and fall and every single thing still fits -- or is a little big.  

I still check around a room I enter to see if I'm the fattest person in it, even though I haven't been that for a very long time.

I still find myself wandering around the Plus Sizes in the department store -- and then realize I don't have to.

Happens all the time.

And when I see an obese person, I am sometimes surprised, but then my little head-voice says, "You used to look like that; for heaven's sake you were bigger than that."  So I'm a lot more empathetic, and in a lot of ways it makes my heart hurt.

I've never been careful about what I say (just ask my sometimes mortified family) and I still make "fat" jokes.  It drove my late mother up a wall when I did that, because she kept saying, "You know you're not fat any more dear, I don't like to hear you put yourself down like that."  Old habits die hard, though, right?

You may need to be more aware -- however, remember that while your body is changing rapidly, the "you" that is "you" is still there, and it may take a long time to totally make the adjustment, if you ever do.  As I said, it's been 15-1/2 years and I still get surprised.  As long as there's no cruel intent in what you say, I think you'll be just fine.

WOW! what a testament 15 plus years and you still have the same grateful feeling to have lost the weight and regained a life!! I want to be in the same headspace as you 13 years from now!!

I think it's fantastic that you are so aware of positive changes that you can make to help those around you feel more comfortable, not to mention how much it will help YOU to feel better. 

I haven't had surgery yet, but I constantly think about how I will feel once I start losing. Will I be just as unhappy because I have extra, loose skin, as I am being fat? 

The mind is a tricky thing.