Thanksgiving thoughts as I move closer to surgery....

As my surgery nears (Nov 17th at TWH) I have found myself going through some unexpected stages.Without a doubt, this has been an emotional journey since the referral but I would have to say the last 3 weeks or so have been the most surprising.

I think like many people on here - making the decision to have WLS comes after lots of heartache and many failures. For me last September was a low point. I was having a hard time going to family functions. I found myself wanting to just hide from the world. I had gained back the 55 lbs I worked so hard to lose in 2009 and was feeling like a complete failure. The mirror in my bathroom hangs right across from the bathtub. In the past 8 months I found myself closing my eyes while getting out of the tub. I couldn't bear to look at what I had done to my body.How could I do so well in my career and as a parent/friend/daughter and fail so miserably at managing my weight?? I felt as though it was a clear sign to the world that I was not in control!

In the last three weeks something inside has changed. Somehow I am able to look at my body. With objectivity. Appreciating who I am now. What I have done. What this current body has allowed me to do - even though it bears so much extra weight. I also find myself letting go of my angst over the weight I am carrying right now. Forgiving myself a little. Perhaps this is because soon I will be changing into a new version of me. I've wondered if this is what many think and go through at this point in the journey? Not only saying good bye to foods that we love and that have comforted us but also to ourselves.

Today is Thanksgiving. I am thankful for how I got here. For the body that up to this point has been abused and taken for granted. I am thankful for the long WLS journey that has allowed me the time to absorb what is to come...and most importantly, I am thankful for my family and friends who support and love me and continue to show up at unexpected turns.

I too felt like a complete failure in life. I was humiliated to be out in public or go to family functions and mirrors and photos were always avoided. Before surgery I didn't get to that place of acceptance that you are at right now. I did however break my "no photo" rule. I took as many as I could pre-op. The worse I looked the more I liked them because, I knew the way I looked--and the way that I felt--would be only temporary. I was REALLY looking forward to never seeing that girl again!!!

Those who live a happy life, usually have some healthy practices that they do to keep them balanced. When I read your post I immediately thought to myself .... this girl has mastered the art of GRATITUDE!!!!

Congratulations to you !!!!! You are able to see the true worth and beauty in yourself right now, even though Its not the image that you ultimately desire. Not only that, but you are appreciating the many blessings that you DO have, instead on dwelling on what is missing or lacking.

You my dear.... are on the right path for success Attitude is everything....and ryou've got a great one!!

Always remember this, especially when things get tough or when you doubt that you can really do this thing !!!!!

This entire process is an emotional rollercoaster in so many ways. It pushes you to your limits physically and mentally. It requires you SEE yourself in a very RAW and EXPOSED way. They say...." you can't fix what you don't acknowledge". So at some point we all have to look at ourselves-( the good-the bad-and the ugly) and decide 100% to make the changes necessary to have the life we desire because as far as options go....surgery is the end of the road and failure just isn't an option.

Happy Thanksgiving to You--- Stay Strong ----Stay Positive---- So Many Good Things Are Coming Your Way--- 1 Month To GO!!!!!

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement MonaLisa

I still have to get some pictures taken for post surgery. I hope that I have the right attitude. I worry at times that I will also fill at THIS WL decision. But I also have come to see, from being on this forum and talking to friends that have had the surgery, that these feelings/thoughts are also part of the process.