My family is freaking me out

Hey, guys.

I'm three weeks away from surgery and my family has just started coming out of the woodwork telling me how scary it is that I'm having surgery. It's setting me on edge. I know this is the right choice and that my life will be better afterward, but I'm getting nervous.

I need you guys to tell me having surgery at TWH isn't going to kill me, please.

There is always a risk with surgery but so is driving your car. We are risking our lives by not getting healthy. Tell them you are in the best hands possible and everything will work out fine. Good luck.

I had my surgery in Feb. I am pretty sure I could have walked to my room from recovery. I was home in 2 days, driving in 4, and was completely self sufficient from the moment I walk through my door. There are risks with any surgery. There are also many people who die or suffer serious injuries every day as a result of driving a car. I bet no one is telling you they are scared every time you get in a car.

i think it is great people care. I think you just need to thank them for there concern and remind them that the risk of the surgery are worth it given what the health impact is of being over weight.

TWH was fabulous. They have been doing this surgery for quite some time. They are not in the business of maiming people. All will be great. I look forward to your post op post that says how great you are doing.

As other have said there is risk in anything you do. I'm about to go have a shower. The risk of slip and fall is there yet we all still bathe.

I had surgery at TWH 6 weeks ago. It was perfect. Dr.Penner actually put in his notes that the surgery was "Unremarkable"

I can't say you'll not have complications but the chances are very very slim.

Don't let them get in your head. Surround yourself with all the positive people in your life who are behind your decision.

Good luck! We're all saving you a seat on the losers bench!

My family does not support gastric bypass surgery. Their opinions and feelings are fear based, not knowledge based. I didn't tell them about it until I was approved for surgery -- no point opening that can of worms if I was not going to get the green light.

Ask yourself what would happen if you didn't do the surgery? I encourage you / your family to look at the stats for surgical complications, the stats for pursuing other weight loss methods and the stats for maintaining the status quo. Here's a link to some stats that may help in your resolve.

There are hundreds (thousands?) of people in Ontario waiting for surgery and I have heard/read rumors about programme and funding cuts -- so factor that into your decision to proceed or step back.

A little fear / worry is a normal thing. This is a huge change.

I had my surgery at East General 7 weeks ago and I'm doing pretty good for the most part.

Just before I headed to the operating room my surgeon smiled, patted my arm and said that I was adding 15 years to my life by taking this step to getting healthier. What more could you ask?

This is what I have told my family and friends who are worried about me. I may die having the surgery, but I will die if I don't. You've got this. Keep the faith.

I can't guarantee you won't die from surgery but, you know deep down if this is the right decision for you. As much as your family probably means well, they can't make the decision for you.

Some people in my family are very much against me having surgery--I didn't tell anyone in my family aside from my husband before I was approved. I didn't want to let their worries creep in to my mind and cause unnecessary panic. And out of vanity, I didn't want to look like a complete moron if I was denied for weight loss surgery. That would have been the last straw, I think, and driven me to a slow death by Baskin Robbins.

I am having my surgery at TWH in 4 weeks. I am also getting the jitters. But, I know this is normal. What we've been working towards is suddenly becoming a reality. There are risks involved. But, there are more risks involved in staying morbidly obese in my opinion. I feel like my quality of life will continue to go down hill without surgery because I can't lose an adequate amount of weight and keep it off on my own.

My family is trying to convince me to "wait a year" and "give it one more try on your own"... that's not going to help because in 1 year I will be heavier than I am now and "one more try" on my own will be just like all the previous tries. Each time I tried to lose weight I was serious, determined, and committed.

Hang in there. We can do this!

It's been a long time (15+ years) since my surgery, but I can relate to how the Negative Nellies just seemed to be everywhere in the days/weeks/months before I finally took control of my own life.

Just about everyone you meet seems to have a story of their cousin's hairdresser's second cousin's third wife's aunt by marriage who had bariatric surgery and spent every moment of her life afterward in agony until she finally died. Or who was never able to eat regular food again. Or who lost so much weight she looked like a billboard for Oxfam. Their hair/teeth/assorted body parts fell out/stopped working/are now exhibits in Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum. And on and on and on.

The fact is, before my surgery I was killing myself one forkful at a time. I had high blood pressure, Type II diabetes, and couldn't bend over to tie my shoes without becoming winded almost to the point of blacking out. It was no life, and having the surgery wasn't the easy way out, either.

If you told me when I had my surgery that fifteen years later there are still foods that can make me throw up I might have changed my mind -- but I now consider it a (very small) price to pay for being alive to see my sons grow up and stop being a spectator in my own life.

We all have family members, friends, and others who are vested, somehow, in keeping us fat -- it gives them some measure of control over us. And when we take control of our own lives and make this choice, they feel threatened -- and they're scared, too. They're already terrified we're going to keel over from a heart attack or a stroke, and now we want to go and have surgery.

All I can say is being apprehensive is normal. Fear is normal, in us and in those who care about us. But ultimately the decision to have surgery is ours and ours alone, and they can either support it or keep quiet -- we simply don't need that kind of negative energy around us.

I was nervous as well, BUT...

WLS has become pretty much routine surgery. There have been a lot of advances in knowledge and technique over the years. It was dangerous many years ago, but nowadays, it's considered a low-risk surgery. My surgeon said it's no more dangerous than having your gall bladder out, and it's less risky than hip replacement surgery.

I figured I was at much greater risk staying at 300+ pounds than I would be having the surgery.