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I am in Las Vegas right now with my husband and friends and talk of 24 hour buffet is going on. It is making me so sad. We went to a buffet the other day and paid $35US and it just about made me cry. I hated being there, I hated the fact we paid so much for me when I could not eat a portion of the price.

Last night I ate $8 chilli and I felt bad enough knowing it would only be partially eaten. I hate eating out when I am not home because at least at home I can take leftovers for a couple more meals.

These are our last couple days here and I just want to crawl into a hole rather than face food with them.

My choice is living with this, maybe others have more of a voice. I have always chosen to keep my mouth closed after others don't hear me the first time.

I know I am not strong enough. I just thought others who think they can do it without spousal support have to think seriously how they view the rest of their life then.

We must think differently.  I don't expect my spouse to live the way I live and I don't expect him to eat the way I eat.  Sometimes I pick the restaurant but most often he does and honestly don't care, there is always something I can eat even in fast food joints. My husband loves desserts and I would never think of telling him he can't eat them.  As for paying so much to eat out, who cares.  Don't make it about the money or the food.  There is always food that we can eat anywhere and if you don't eat $35 worth too bad, enjoy the food you do eat and enjoy the company you are with.  Throw away half of an $8 chili, who cares.  Turn back the clock to pre-wls, did you concern yourself with the cost of any of the not so healthy foods you likely bought?  I never thought twice about going to a buffet and eating more than my share of what I paid for or buying chips at $4/bag and eating two bags in a night.  I was never concerned about all the money I spent eating crap for years so I figure if I was worth the money then I am definitely worth the money now even if I can't eat my money's worth.  You are on vacation so enjoy it and if finances were tight, I highly doubt you'd be on vacation so don't fret the small things and enjoy yourself.

Well said Tracy!  This is all part of the mind surgery we need to do.  Put food in it's place...it's just a substance don't obsess over it.  

Don't let it rule YOUR life anymore.  And you can only control your attutitude not your spouse's.  It can be quite freeing when you no longer buy into the mounds of food that is always being marketed to us when all around you others are loosing their heads.

Hey There;

In 2011 when I joined the Weight Mgmt Clinic at the Ottawa Civic Hospital, my kids where in their mid teens and my wife was sure I was destined to doom - although knowing my options were limited she was convinced that I wouldn't be successful.  I realized at the second meeting that I needed to be 100% in it for me and that there is no way that I would be able to change the rest of the families behaviors. It was a tough road - although I'm not a "JUNK" addict and I never intentionally "cheated" after I lost all the weight, just the fact all the wrong foods were around the house and everybody wanted to go out for dinners etc. all the time (that was our old lifestyle), I began to slip - not bad at first, I compensated with more time at the gym, modifying other meals to adapt etc. but it slowly crept back

In December 2014 I had to do something, i was just over 40 pounds away from putting on the 133 pounds I had lost - my self esteem was destroyed and believe it or not I was getting tons of negative feedback from my wife (and siblings) on the "I told you so" side of the fence. Now don't get me wrong - I am well aware that my situation was not their fault, I got to where I was 1 calorie and questionable choice at a time...

Now I could bore you with the rest of the story, but let's skip ahead to today. My surgery was 3 weeks ago, prior to that I dieted for 2 months and then started the shakes - during that time, I watched the kids eat normally and the wife have snacks etc. at night. I realized the following - who cares?  I'm doing this for me, just like you have done this just for you. Tonight my wife and daughter went over to "The Barley Mow" for $5.00's for a pound of wings night... It didn't bother me in the least - what did bother me is that sooner or later they are going to realize that they are making their own bad choices - and guess what, I'll be there for them...

That being said, I hear exactly what you are saying - eating off the kids menu or having to pay for the buffet when I'm only going to eat a small hunk of chicken and some vegies seems unrealistic - however, this is our journey not theirs, and it's just something we have to accept. I've spoken to several restaurant mangers / owners in the Ottawa area who will actually cater to the dietary requirements of people who have had WLS - all you have to do is ask

I'm sure this doesn't help you, but it may let you know we all will suffer the same situations in our own way - keep the eye on the goal and remember - It's not they don't care or don't support so much as they don't understand or feel what we are going through...

Bob

PS: Sometimes I get jealous - the dog gets more than I do ;

Liz, I think the feelings of non-support and associated issues you're having with your spouse run far deeper than his disregard for your eating choices. You've often written about feeling fairly unsupported in the past, so this is not new for you.

As Tracey said to you, I do not in any way expect my partner (or anyone else in my family or circle of friends) to adjust to me. Quite frankly, it's not all about me. And while I may feel that my needs are oh-so-special, the reality is that they're not. No more special than my partner's needs, and certainly no more important.

I think it's sad that you are in Vegas on vacation and can't enjoy the company of friends. Instead you're choosing to focus on food. At some point we've all got to let our negative feelings about food go. I also think it's a very convenient place to rest your anger with your husband. The issue isn't food, Liz. The issue is with your relationship.

I agree with you Karen M. - you've hit the nail on the head.  This is a relationship issue, not food.  Perhaps counselling would help you and your spouse?

You may not get support from your spouse, but you will get support here. This is your journey.   Stay strong for you. You can do this, and walk away from unhealthy choices because you are so worth it. We'll see if you husband supports you when you start buying cute expensive clothes in smaller sizes 

Liz, I feel your pain.

When I first started this journey, my significant other claimed to support me unconditionally.  And I really have no doubt that he does.  But it never stopped him from bringing in all of my trigger foods (potato chips, poutine, etc.) and eating them in front of me.  This was especially traumatic for me during the Optifast phase.  I had some absolute temper tantrum about it, and it didn't do a damn thing to change him.

Over the last few months, I've come to realize this is MY issue, not his.  When he orders in a pizza, I can sulk and feel betrayed and neglected and unsupported, or I can sneak a bite, then go make one of my many delicious meals that work best for me.  :)  Same with going out for dinner.  I have a group of girlfriends that get together for dinners out on a regular basis.  I stopped going for awhile, then realized that I can't stop living life just because of this surgery.  I've learned to make wise choices from which ever restaurant we go to (including over-priced buffets), enjoying the food - and more importantly, enjoying my friends.

Yes, sometimes I resent not being able to chow down on a big bowl of homemade mac 'n' cheese, or savour a big greasy ol' cheeseburger, but that's my issue.  I've been working hard to not let my day be dictated by food.  This means letting other people eat what they want to around me.  When I look in the mirror and see the person I'm becoming, I don't resent what I can't have - I embrace everything I do have, can do, and will do.

I hope you can get to the point where food and those that don't eat what you want them to, aren't your enemies and you can enjoy your new life.

TES

Tes,

You nailed it, I like this a lot...'cos this is how it feels for me, for sure...

"Yes, sometimes I resent not being able to chow down on a big bowl of homemade mac 'n' cheese, or savour a big greasy ol' cheeseburger, but that's my issue.  I've been working hard to not let my day be dictated by food.  This means letting other people eat what they want to around me.  When I look in the mirror and see the person I'm becoming, I don't resent what I can't have - I embrace everything I do have, can do, and will do."

C.