How to deal with Negative People?

Hi Everyone;

I'm new to this forum. I have been thinking about WLS for over 3 years now. I have decided to go ahead with it, the only problem I am having is my boyfriend and my mom aren't on board. These are the two people who I really wanted to support me. How do I deal with this????

I'm sorry that you don't have the support you want from those who you are closest too!!  Have you sat down with them and listened to their fears/concerns, while explaining your position???
My mum was also not too keen on the idea of WLS (my husband is also having surgery with me so he is great about it), and I just sat down with her and listened to her concerns and then explained why I wanted to do this.. She still to this day wishes that I wouldn't go through with it, but is supporting me because she is my Mum and knows I couldn't do it without her!!

Hope all works out for you!!

Thanks for you kinds words. I have tried to explain to them how important this is to me and my health. Last time my mom and I talked about it, I asked her "If I had cancer would you not want me to get treatment? Obesity is deadly" Well she hasn't said anything about it since, and skirts the subject now...

My boyfriend is somewhat supportive and will be there for me because he loves me, but he wishes I would change my mind.

Good luck on your up-coming surgery you must be excited!

Usually people aren't on board because they don't know much about the process and what life will be like after.  Start by talking to them, seeing why they don't support it.  Another suggestion is to take them to orientation/appointments with you.  Then they can get the same information that you get, and ask questions to the experts on parts of things that bother them.  Also, if you can find a support group in your area, attend that and you can take one or both with, so that they can meet people at different stages of the process.

Cathy

Thanks for you encouraging words, I will keep working on them...eventually they may come over to the dark side LOL

Don't forget, some people make judgements about what they've heard about bariatric surgery.  And what they have heard is old information, which is no longer valid.  At one point, this was really new, and there were higher rates of complications and re-gain.  But a lot of things have changed, including the support you receive from day one at the clini****il 5 years post op. So the success rate is so much higher these days.  And the information that is available is much more robust than it was.

Cathy

Your Mom and boyfriend are not negative....they are worried about you. Worried if you will change in health (for the worse) and worried if you will be different in personality. They don't want to loose what they got. Now if you want negative people I got 40 of them ( my night-laws and my cousins on my mother's side. I had gastric stapling 25 years ago and my Mom was against it to just skirting the issue at that time. My husband was not on board at the time but brought him to the surgeons office with me. I was on my own for 25 years. These last two years I had issues mechanically with my stomach. So I had to have a revision and opted for the RNY. I cant tell you how many people gave me the look as if to say "I told you so"!!! Now my children are all grown up and they were against me fixing for fear it would be fatal. So I had no choice but to work at communication with them everyday and not to hold things back that I learned at my orientation. Just know the people who love you are just in fear for you. And the other ones outside of the ones who truly love you...jus****ch you with doubt that you know what you are doing. Tell your mom and boyfriend that I will friend you on this forum and they can ask me anything they want. I have experience with people that are worried and doubtful about WLS. 

Thanks for you kind and encouraging words. I'm working on them and trust me, my mom is super negative (about most things most the time) glad I didn't get that gene!

Think we have the same mother! At one point, I stopped engaging w/ disapproving family. I found that the more they spoke about my impending surgery to their friends and colleagues, the more tolerant they became. They got a lot of positive feedback from those sources.

My mom feigned support leading up to my surgery. This was almost worse than being unsupportive. She was holding on to A LOT of fear and guilt. I finally said, "if you can't get on board I respect that, but cannot have you at my surgery or helping me recovery". I think that rattled her a bit. She did research and like it was previously stated the more she told people the more supportive they were. She got on board and was with me from my surgery date (Tuesday****il Sunday. 

My recovery has been completely "unremarkable" as they say. She has done a complete 180 and now can't stop telling me how proud she is! 

It is absolutely devastating to not have the support of your closest, but for me it was so important for either people to get on the boat or stay the hell away. I only wanted positivity and support surrounding me during my recovery. And everyone I care about has come completely on board. I can understand some people not agreeing with WLS but I can also choose to not associate with them while I am in my "bubble of positivity".

goodluck! Do you.