Body Image Issues

I can really relate to what you're feeling TES, but I will say that the "oh ugh... I really look like HELL" seemed to come in waves. 

I was good with everything until about 3 years post-op. That was when I realized that my weight loss had probably really stopped for good and I was completely at goal weight. I don't know what my brain expected of my body at that point - that it would suddenly and miraculously smooth, tone and glow?! I felt a real low - kind of like a disappointment and a "I did all of this and I still look like crap". And then, for some unknown reason, I got over it. LOL  And I basked in the happiness of how great I looked in clothes and pushed away the negative thoughts about my nakedness. And I was good with that for a long while.

Then the second wave hit. I had to have an open hysterectomy cancelled (I was on the freakin' table!) due to a rash under my panus. It hit me then that I maybe actually did have some "issues" with the sag. Reluctantly (I swear to god, I was hesitant) I saw a plastic surgeon and got all set up with a dual hysterectomy and panniculectomy operation. Problem solved, or so I believed. Then I got really sick and got down to about 98 pounds soaking wet and you want to talk about SAG??!! HAHAHA! Although I have managed to get up to a very healthy 120-122 pounds (also soaking wet), my body has REALLY paid the price.

Now that I'm healthy and active and back at work - I was suddenly hit with another wave of body-hatred. Things don't fit as I would like them to. My bat wings could seriously take someone's eye out, my thighs look like crepe paper and don't even get me started on the abdominal wasteland that I lovingly refer to as my "tiny melted candle look".

And you know what? I'm angry at myself. Not because I "look horrible", but because sometimes I can't see the beauty and strength and power and pure will that got me to this place. And sometimes I get dressed in the morning and I feel self-conscious and insecure and start hating my wardrobe (it's totally not the wardrobe's fault LOL) and get all filled with self-doubt and a little self-pity thrown in for good measure. And then I give my head a good shake. I look GREAT (in clothes), I feel GREAT.  And this tiny melted candle is pretty damned proud of herself.

I get over it. I get over myself. So will you. XO

P.S. Who in the ever-loving-F** are these people making comments to you, anyway?!

Hi Tes,

You summed up exactly what I've been thinking. I'm only 4 months out. I've lost 75 lbs altogether. I have always had a "mother's apron" and so had the convo with my husband that a tummy tuck would definitely be happening eventually. However, I've always had very thin legs. I never imagined that I would have saggy skin in my inner thighs. They didn't even seem to be fat, but apparently they were. Now come summer I don't know what kind of swimsuit to wear. My legs are terrible. And I could fly cross country with my bat wings. I never let my fat keep me from doing anything I really wanted to do. But now I am more conscious that people are actually looking at me. So I certainly understand your comments.

Congratulations on your weight loss Tes, its not easy!
Self-image issues are the worst and I think we can all understand where you are coming from and what you are feeling. I am 4 years post-op and have maintained a 120lb weight loss over the last 3 years and also struggle with the same flapping skin some can probably relate but I believe I could fly a westjet plane across country and back with my arms and legs and not bat an eye.

However, that being said... the younger you are doesn't necessarily mean the elasticity in your skin will accommodate quick weight loss any better then someone older. I had GBS at the age of 23 and my skin is a messy situation... My arms aren't completely awful but I work hard at the gym to maintain SOME muscle tone to pull the skin the best I can. However, no matter how many miles I run, or how many times I collapse from squats and inner thigh workouts NOTHING will take away these god for saken inner thighs. The tummy... a whole other story.

I think what it comes down to is compairing where you came from to where you are. I wouldn't necessarily say I have regrets however I am a lot harder on myself now then I ever was being obese and overweight. I never had the opportunity before, and didn't know anything any different.

losing large amounts of weight really destroys a person psychologically and that is something we call go through, some more then others and for longer periods  then others. It is for sure a tough call. It would be nice if plastic surgeons weren't so pricey and were part of the 5 year program that some/most hospitals have.

I hope in time you are able to feel more comfortable with yourself, it takes time and I believe you will get there. Try and breath easier said then done. BUT you look fabulous!

Congratulations everyone.

First of all, congrats on the incredible weight loss to date.  It is a remarkable accomplishment.  I lost 90lb off my 5ft frame and believe me I sympathize with your complaints.  Lots of wrinkles and jiggles (including skin on my face looking a lot older) but my worst areas are my breasts and belly.  Naked, I look worse I think than before.  Saggy, baggy and old even though I am not yet 47.  I did explore plastic surgery (and may still undertake it some time in the future) but in the mean time have slowly, over time, become more ok with the changes.  I still hold bunches of skin and imagine them gone.  I can't say I love the new look naked, but I don't feel quite as overwhelmed by it as I did initially.  I try to focus on those NSV's, that feeling of wellness and good health.   If plastics is a possibility for you, start saving up :) Otherwise, give it time...the change is so sudden and drastic with WLS that our minds don't have a chance to get used to it slowly (unlike when we gained weight before and when we age naturally over time).   A side note - if you have a lot of chafing and infections - document them with doctor visits and photos....if you decide to pursue plastics, this may help you make your case for some government coverage.

Wishing you successful weight loss and excellent health!

Andrea.

Thanks so much for your responses, everyone.  The encouragement and understanding is very much appreciated.

I think right now, I'm more angry at myself for feeling this way than anything else.  I know I should be 100% focused on how much healthier I am, how wonderful I physically feel, etc - yet here I am depressed about sagging skin and ass-dimples.  I need to give my head a shake and get back to reality.  Life is good and just because I don't look perfect in my birthday suit is no reason to get morose.

So I shall endeavour to embrace my saggy, jiggly, mushy bits and be proud as hell of all that I've accomplished.  It won't be easy and I might have to come here to be reminded about what's important now and then, but ...I'll do it.

Damn it ... can never get the pic thingie to work!  Ah well ..

TES

Try not to be too hard on yourself.  Something I am slowly learning over time (with my therapist) is that harsh judgement we have of ourselves is part of what sabotages our weight loss success...always expecting perfection from ourself for example and then being disappointed when we inevitably fail and then giving up trying since we can't be perfect (it's a cycle for me anyway).  It is ok to feel upset over how you look even though you are grateful for the improved health.  Embrace your emotions....don't necessarily act on them...and know it's ok to feel disappointed.  But as you said, it is also good to focus on all the positives, the NSV (I wish I had actually written each one down as they happened.  It's so easy to forget the "little" ones but sometimes they are the very inspiring) and all the wonderful new things we can do/feel/experience in our "new" bodies.  Good luck!

Andrea.

HI TES

congrats on the weight loss!! myself, i'm 3 1/2 years out... and still see myself as a fat person... i have the angel wings which will never disappear at age 57 unless surgery is performed and that's not a possibility unless the lottery is won! it's sad, IN MY OPINION that we are not taught how to deal with the head issues! unless that was an appt i missed! i didn't lose all this weight to wear spanx (FOR ME ANYWAYS!) i always wore control top whatever and now that i'm "free" of that clothing i don't want to go back to it!  i just look amazing with clothes on! and in the dark! if the head catches up with the body please share how to deal with it! good luck!