I have become the cautionary tale I always feared...

Thanks so much for posting this. I read this and felt like every word could have been written by me, especially since we had surgery at the same time.  Exactly the same thing is happening to me that's happening to you. (Actually, scratch that. It isn't "happening to me" - I made it happen.)  20 lb bounceback. Bad habits rearing their ugly heads.  My trigger foods aren't all the same as yours, but I'm still succumbing to the crap grab.

The comforting thing for both of us is that it could have been worse - we could have let it go for many more pounds before slamming on the brakes.  I've managed to stop the bouncing back in its tracks for the last few months, but I haven't been able to lose that 20 lbs now. It was so easy before, wasn't it? :)

I think it's time for me to get back to the What Are You Eating/Doing Today threads and to start tracking again in MFP. Maybe something for you to try as well? Back to eating as if I were a honeymooner even though the honeymoon is long over. Even if I never lose all the bounceback pounds, I definitely want to feel some control again. It was never about the scale numbers for me, but I certainly don't want to regain any more, and it would be awfully nice to lose some of it again. And feel like I can control my eating instead of letting it control me. :(

Thanks again for posting. It helps to know others are going through the same thing. And I appreciate everyone's responses to your post too.

Thank you so much for posting this!  I am still pre-op but you've essentially nailed all my fears to a T.  I feel like in order to be successful at this (and as everyone on here suggests to pre-ops), that I needed to get my head in the right place in this year that I have waiting for the process.  And as part of the process I am doing everything I can to figure out why I eat the way I do.  Two years ago I thought I had a binge-eating problem, now I've come to the conclusions that no, it's not a binge-eating issue but rather an addiction issue.  You seem to be also choosing words that might indicate an addiction issue?  There are quite a few resources out there that discuss food as an addiction and treating it as such (especially the foods you've mentioned in your post).  Everyone on here has given great advice with respect to going back to the basics, but if eating the sweets you've mentioned is "a hard cycle to break", perhaps talking to your psychiatrist about taking an addiction approach in your therapy sessions may be helpful? I hope you figure this out, you genuinely seem to want to turn this around and it's good that you are recognizing the slippery slope and being proactive.

I greatly appreciate that you took the time to post this.  This is the message that many of us long timers hope that people will listen to about life a few years out of surgery.  Often when we say the message, it falls on deaf ears, with the chant of "I can do anything in moderation" and "aren't we supposed to have treats too?". 

There is NOTHING like your first year.  When the hunger is low, the motivation is high and the rewards are great - that's the time to say NO.  It's the time to use what you have to your very best ability.  There's nothing like the honeymoon period.  Most of us would happily pay hundreds of dollars if we could only buy it back.  There's such power, euphoria in the loss that we all wi**** was the same as a veteran of wls.  I would pay to lose 4 lbs in a week now.  A one pound loss many years out is often an arduous affair!  

There's sort of a myth that our small pouch will keep us in line with moderation.  For many of us that is NOT true.  Once you start bringing the treats in, then you often get into trouble.  I didn't really crave too much early out -- and BEST OF ALL, I didn't bring it in.  My body didn't have the "appetite" for the sweets and that was great. The more I kept it out, the easier it got....but once I opened the floodgates and tasted sugar again, all hell broke loose.....the sweet tooth was back with a vengeance!! 

I think though you are pretty normal in the regain. Most of us are there --- over time most of us can easily slip back the other way. At least with me, I spent most of my life struggling with food issues and obesity -- it was VERY EASY to go back to old habits.  Prior to surgery I had not been a normal weight and I really did not know how to eat like a THIN PERSON.  My eating addiction came back and in year 2-3 I started to struggle as well.  I think you are no different hun :) 

The key is to get supports in place -- whatever works for you.  Every centre probably has a psychologist or psychiatrist.  You may have local organizings for eating disorders -- are you compulsive? a binge eater? I'm glad that you have a psychiatrist - that's great.  

An accountability group may help like weigh****chers or overeaters anonymous, your support group and/or TOPS.  (Take off pounds sensibly).  I personally have to be accountable for my weight and the numbers.  

Most of all, try not to beat yourself up too much -- but you need to work on habits and choices once again.  Surgery fixed our bodies and not our heads.  Our head is the hardest part to fix.  Most importantly, focus on you and just making positive choices again, giving yourself some grace and making changes little by little.   There are many of us in the same boat -- we are all paddling in the same direction with the same map...We just get there at a different time than one another.

Hugs to you!! 

Dawn

I know I am a bit late chiming in but your post resonated so strongly with me I had to write. I am 3+ years since my RNY procedure. I was a model patient following all the rules and losing consistently. I got down to my goal weight that was on the upper end of NORMAL! I even dropped about 10 lb beyond that! I knew/expected maybe a 10b bounce back but recently found myself at 20 lb over my lowest and 10 lb over goal :( As I told my therapist, it wasn't the actual number that upset me (although I wasn't happy about that), it was the mindset that got me there. The mindless eating and cravings were back with a vengeance. My choice of binge foods changed (I was not such a chocoholic anymore) but was now binging on much more savoury foods. Nonetheless, the mindset prior to weight loss surgery was back. I thought about food all the time, was sneaking food and feeling overwhelmed/disgusted with myself.

I knew in my head that surgery wasn't a cure for my eating. I read all I could prior to surgery, started seeing a therapist with special interest in weight loss surgery PRIOR to surgery (and continue to see her) and followed all the rules. Somehow I thought if I put in the time, I could magically prevent all this from coming back.

I have been struggling for the last 12-18mths now. Feeling more and more despondent. Nothing seemed to stick for more than a day or two. My headspace of negativity, failure and NOT believing in myself was re-inforced by what I was doing. In that time I attended a mindfulness based eating course, monthly support groups, an emotional eating course given by my centre, visited OA meetings, saw the dieticians and visited my psychologist but I didn't seem to be able to take the steps needed to stop my poor choices.

I finally decided I need to do something different. I was honestly heading slowly back the way I had come. I had to make the choice to change. I thought about weigh****chers as a way to get myself back on track with thinking about my eating, tracking and accountability. I was nervous to go there as I felt that this was just slipping back into my old "diet" mentality. However, my psychologist said that the WW program is one of the few the dieticians endorse at her centre as it is based on a realistic lifestyle rather than diet. It has only been 3 weeks so checking back with me in 6 mths will be more telling (hear my negative voice poking through there?) but I am feeling much better. To my surprise, all my work at those other programs I mentioned above were not for nought. I see now when I am eating/making choices all the thoughts/ideas/lessons I have learned there I am putting in to place while working the WW program. This is different to how I worked it when I was in WW in the past. Now I think about the full feeling and ACTUALLY STOP. Not all of you may recognize the significance of this statement but for me this is huge. I realise my pouch is still working...if I listen to it. When I get the urge to eat I am able to stop for a minute and ask myself if I am really hungry. When I look at something yummy and that voice in my head screams EAT ME, I am able to stop and think about what that voice is saying and respond rather than simply react to it.

One thing I know. Food will always be a struggle for me. Like an alcoholic, I will always have to make choices and work hard to maintain what I have gained (pun intended:) However, hopefully with time (and with ups and downs no question) I will overall be able to maintain a healthy, stable weight.

I guess what I am saying is DON'T GIVE UP. Despite the struggles you are having, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are prepared to do the work (hard as it is). People above have made some good suggestions. See what resonates with you and take the step forward. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be prepared to try and to pick yourself up and try again when you stumble (which we ALL will).

Good luck and thanks for posting. I know when I was here pre-op and in the early days post op, I didn't hear enough from the "older" WLS patients. I think it is so important for the newbies to hear this and hopefully take action early rather than waiting till we hit the spot you and I find ourselves in.

Andrea.

Thanks for posting this. I could have written every word myself. Hang in there, we're all in this together. I am also working to take back my everyday habits. Everyday is a challenge. Some days are harder, some days are easier but like you, I also feel I will struggle with this forever. It's actually kind of freeing to embrace that. Eating is an ongoing challenge, not a single obstacle to 'overcome'

I'm curious how you like following WW? I have thought about it for myself. I track on MyFitnessPal but there's something appealing about the points system. I tried WW briefly pre-op but was not successful, I didn't have a great mindset for it at the time now.

I like the point system as it's flexible (allows me to focus on protein first for the WLS side) and gets me out of the "calorie" mindset that can be all-consuming.  It also helps me focus on the quality of the food I am inputting - not all calories are created equal in the point system.   It also encourages my exercise by giving me extra points if I want them.   I have also been sitting in on the meetings.  They can be inspiring and motivating.  I like your idea that "eating is an ongoing challenge, not a single obstacle to overcome".

Good luck to both of us!!